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Parenting

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Original poster

Elderly couple in street said I am a bad mum

31 replies

saltnpepa · 17/08/2014 19:54

I feel like absolute crap. I was with my toddler and 7 year old. The 7 year old had just vomited in a cafe and we were trying to get back to the car as quickly as possible so we were moving really quickly along the street. My toddler was screaming and creating a big fuss about having to go in the buggy while the other one stood there looking green and then the toddler made a bolt for it. I picked him up in a really fast swoop and put him down very very firmly in the buggy, I didn't throw him in but I put him in really firm so I could get the straps on in one move. I then pushed the buggy at my husband while I scooped up the green child and marched off towards the car. An elderly couple went oooh when I put the toddler in the buggy and as I marched off I could hear them saying "Did you see that? She was very rough, oh and look baby is crying etc."

We're all home now and sick finished and kids asleep but I feel like crap that someone in the street said I was being a crap mum. I wish they could have seen the whole story but if they just saw that, me putting him hard in the buggy they would have thought I was just in a temper and although I was stressed and exasperated with him I just wanted to get the sick one in the car. Am I awful?

OP posts:

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Mumof3xox · 17/08/2014 19:55

Should of told them to piss off

Although they then probably would have judged you more

FannyFifer · 17/08/2014 19:55

It really doesn't matter as you will never see then again.

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 17/08/2014 19:55

No you're not awful, you did, however, have the misfortune to run into some awful people.

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IHeartLockhart · 17/08/2014 19:56

Of course you're not! A toddler can't reason that you want to get a sick child home quickly, it's totally normal to be firm in those circumstances. As long as he wasn't hurt I'm sure he got over it quickly enough.

GobblersKnob · 17/08/2014 19:58

No, you did what pretty much all of us would have done in the same situation :)

Some people like to judge, ignore, or nod and smile.

Hope your poorly boy is feeling better, have some and

Owllady · 17/08/2014 19:59

You should have stayed andcapologised so your 7 year old could have decorated their shoes

Pagwatch · 17/08/2014 20:00

You've described a situation where you were stressed and rushed and, you say, it probably looked as if you were acting out of temper and that it probably seemed rough.

They saw that and we're talking about it.

They didn't shout at you and although I understand that the whole situation has upset you, it wasn't terrible of them to be concerned about you apparently being rough with a small crying child.

You know what you did and why. They saw a brief situation which they didn't understand but which didn't seem great.
They are not mind readers and tbh I think it's not terrible for people on the street to be aware if a crying child appears to be being treated harshly.

Happydutchmummy · 17/08/2014 20:02

[Wine] they judged you on a crap snapshot of your life, the whole thing probably took 30 seconds and they didn't see the whole picture. Let them be busy hoiking their judgey pants whilst you carry on with your life. Forget and move on. Ps, hope the kid feels better now

Original poster

saltnpepa · 17/08/2014 20:05

Oh I don't think they're wrong necessarily for saying anything, that's the bit that I'm upset by is what it looked like to them. Being judged on half a story feels crap.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 17/08/2014 20:09

Try not to worry. I had this a lot because DS2 had ASD and would have terrible distressing meltdowns.
You just have to remember that you were just doing what was necessary.

Lj8893 · 17/08/2014 20:23

I had similar the other day

i was in Tesco and my very happy (and a little loud) 10 month old was sat in my trolley. She was giggling and making happy babbling and babababa noises the whole way round the shop and everyone was smiling at her and commenting on how happy she was.
as we were leaving an older woman (about 70) stopped me and said....

"do you realise how unpleasant that noise is for everyone else to have to listen to?!"

me: umm excuse me? No one else has seemed to mins, what exactly do you suggest i do about my baby making abit of noise?

her: "well, you should be more disciplined with her!"

me : whilst laughing in disbelief "disciplined?? With a 10 month old?? For being happy??? Don't be ridiculous and how dare you be so rude!!"

i walked off. Silly cow.

QTPie · 17/08/2014 20:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Notsoyummymummy1 · 17/08/2014 21:09

The couple misjudged the situation and if you haven't looked after children for a long time it's very easy to forget how hard it is. Sometimes you do need to forcibly manoeuvre toddlers into pushchairs for their own safety but this can be uncomfortable for outsiders to watch if the toddler is protesting. Sounds like you did really well in the situation do make yourself a cuppa and stop beating yourself up. You sound like a very good mum. I know it's mortifying to think someone thinks you weren't treating your children kindly but remember it's very easy for outsiders to judge what they don't understand.

feelingquitelost · 17/08/2014 21:20

These things happen. A while ago I was in the supermarket with my over-tired toddler and baby in sling and toddler had a massive meltdown at the check out. There was no way I could pick up and restrain her while carrying the shopping and baby in sling. Bribery wouldn't snap her out of it so all I could do was wait it out. An old lady told me I should give her a smack and her behaviour is terrible etc. I told her what I thought of her suggestion but I was fuming all afternoon, mostly because I knew I just looked like a totally ineffectual mother. Now I can look back and laugh, I haven't risked going to the supermarket alone with them both again though!

prettywhiteguitar · 18/08/2014 16:12

Humm where they of the age that they used to leave babies outside to cry for hours in the garden ? Smack their children ? Shout and punish ? The elderly love to judge but forget about their own time as parents. My mum has horror stories about her upbringing in the 50's

thatsn0tmyname · 18/08/2014 16:22

They saw you at the worst possible moment and, like you said, didn't see it in context. You did nothing wrong, we've all been there. Please put it to the back of your mind, give your toddler an extra kiss and cuddle at bedtime and open some wine. Hope your 7 year old gets better soon. X

thatsn0tmyname · 18/08/2014 16:24

Also, like others have said, older people conveniently forget how hard it is having young children. Make that two glasses

BomChickaMeowMeow · 18/08/2014 16:28

Completely agree with the other comments.

Deverethemuzzler · 18/08/2014 16:28

This is why I get annoyed at threads on MN that bang on about the terrible thing they saw in the street and how they are going to call SS.

People make stupid judgments based on what they think they saw.

Ignore them. I hope your 7 year old is feeling better.

deadwitchproject · 18/08/2014 17:24

You're not awful. They saw a snapshot moment and made a judgement and a comment which I'm sure we've all done in the past. Well done for getting your two DC organised so quickly, I'm sure I would have faffed around for ages.

NigellasPeeler · 18/08/2014 17:31

don't worry you are doing fine

Topseyt · 18/08/2014 17:34

You just did what you had to do, so don't beat yourself up about it. You were in a stressful situation. It happens to all parents of young children at various times, and I am sure we have all done as you did. I know I have.

My three are all older now, but I lost count of the number of times I had to shove each of them into the buggy when they were feisty toddlers. My eldest in particular would be overtired, irritable and hardly able to walk two more paces, but would arch her back and scream blue murder when I plonked her back into it. Within a couple of minutes she would usually have fallen asleep though and peace would break out again.

Ignore the comments. As someone already said, you probably won't meet them ever again.

tobysmum77 · 19/08/2014 19:58

they are just nasty, vile people . ignore ignore ignore

RabbitSaysWoof · 19/08/2014 20:11

I do this without the sick child.
Ds decides to stop in hes tracks, I say "come on ds, walk or buggy?" he stands still for an age so I decide for him. The snapshot a passer by would see is one of a now tantruming toddler screaming whilst being pun into he's buggy against he's will.
They wouldn't know he had the choice, but never mind it's not their business. You are doing fine.

RabbitSaysWoof · 19/08/2014 20:13

put in not pun. Obvs!

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