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Original poster

How does your child greet you at nursery?

31 replies

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 04/08/2014 14:05

I swear each new stage with DS makes me more neurotic!

My 20mo has now been at nursery 2 weeks and seems to love it. He is very well behaved, eats his meals & is showing interest in the other children which is obviously great

However when I drop him off in the morning he doesn't seem bothered in the slightest that I am leaving him & when I return to pick him up in the afternoon he doesn't always come to me right away. 2 times out of 4 he has come over to me & given me a hug, the other 2 times he has just ignored me until I went & picked him up, then he just seemed more interested in going back to the toys.

I did psychology at A-Level and from what I remember the ambivalence he is showing towards me upon my return means he doesn't have a secure attachment to me

I realise this sounds completely nutty and I am probably just being a paranoid FTM but I can't stop it niggling away at my brain!

How does your child greet you and do you think my DS's attachment is OK?

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IpsyUpsyDaisyDo · 04/08/2014 14:19

DD is 2y 2m and has been full time at nursery since she was 10m. When DH drops her off in the morning she walks in and sits down for her breakfast without a backwards glance
When I pick her up in the afternoons it can be a real mix - sometimes she'll be hovering in the doorway and yelling at the other that it's HER mummy who's just walked in followed by lots of cuddles, or she can be very busy doing something and get a bit irritated that I want to take her home!
Your DS sounds much the same. I wouldn't read anything into it, if he's only been going for 2 weeks then you're both still settling into the new pattern of things. Try not to be disappointed at not getting exactly the reactions and responses you think he should be giving. Of course you don't actually want him to be upset every time you leave him at nursery do you? Do you feel upset at leaving him there?

aubreye · 04/08/2014 16:47

It was exactly the same for me IpsyUpsyDaisyDo with DS1. He would either run up to me and show me what he'd been working on and etc. but other times he would ignore me until I had to physically pull him away. DD1, 2 and DS2 were better and almost always came and said hello. I wouldn't worry about it, when kids are with toys, they unfortunately prefer them at the time more than there mummies!

ICanHearYou · 04/08/2014 16:53

mine both run full pelt across the field at me, dropping everything they are doing.

the staff assure me that is not always the case though!!

They are completely ambivalent about me dropping them off

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Thurlow · 04/08/2014 17:05

2.5yo just wanders off when I drop her off, normally having to be recalled like a dog to actually say goodbye to me...

Pick-ups are normally DP's job, and she seems to be the same as other poster's are saying - it depends on what she's doing whether she is happy to see him or annoyed he's interrupted her fun.

The odd time I do pick her up I either get an immediate "Where's Daddy?" or just ignored - the other day she was watching a film (childminder, not nursery, and it was the end of a veeeery long hot day for them all) and didn't acknowledge me at all for about five minutes!

hollie84 · 04/08/2014 17:10

DS1 used to run away shouting "I'm still playing!"

showtunesgirl · 04/08/2014 17:11

That reception is a lot better than the: No Mummy, no! I want Daddy. Go away which I get on most days when I do pick up.

DefiniteMaybe · 04/08/2014 17:14

Dd always drops whatever she's doing and runs to me for a big cuddle. It took a loooooong time to settle her in there though.
Ds on the other hand used to ignore me at pick up unless he was tired or a bit poorly.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDo · 04/08/2014 19:27

Thurlow & showtunes
DD goes through stages of demanding her Daddy as soon as she sees me, way to make us feel wanted, huh!

LittleLionMansMummy · 04/08/2014 19:29

At that age ds was at cm full time and was exactly the same, it has nothing to do with attachment (though I remember worrying about the same!) He was much older when he began greeting me with enthusiasm and now regularly runs across the nursery garden and throws his arms around me. He's never been one for clinging or crying at drop off and i'm thankful for that. Couldn't bear it if he was unhappy before I go to work. We have a lovely close bond and he always seeks out my approval/ guidance in new situations, so please don't worry.

Pico2 · 04/08/2014 19:42

Are you sure about the psychology? I remember stuff about "strange situations", but nursery is a familiar situation, so I wouldn't expect the same response.

Littleturkish · 04/08/2014 19:57

Currently my daughter still does the bursting into tears- would you take advice from a therapist with just an a level in psychology? Then don't worry about what you learnt back then. It's far more complex than a simple summary like that.

OutDamnSpot · 04/08/2014 20:02

My dd went to nursery ft from 7 months. At about the age your ds is now she finally ran towards me at pick up (generally preferring to stay with nursery staff / playing). Sadly she carried on straight past me to hug the Henry Hoover.

She does love me though, and I think its funny, now...

Azquilith · 04/08/2014 20:12

My DS practically closes the door on me in the morning in the excitement to see his friends. In the evening I get a smile but then he wants to run around and if Daddy picks him up there's murder.

workingtitle · 04/08/2014 20:23

DS is ten months but often reaches out for his key worker and it sometimes takes him a while to look really pleased to see me (especially if he's busy, or very tired). I certainly don't consider it a sign of an insecure attachment, more that he has adjusted well and has a good, appropriate attachment to his key workers.
Sounds like he's settling in very well

CMOTDibbler · 04/08/2014 20:29

My ds always ran off (once he was mobile) to start playing and had to be prised out of nursery at the end of the day. He is very securely attached to me and DH, just he loved being there too

Original poster

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 04/08/2014 20:30

Thanks for all the replies, looks kilo DS is pretty normal in his reactions.

Pico you're right, the attachment study was based around strangers, i hadn't actually thought of that being different to nursery but it is isn't it?

I don't have a good relationship with my mum so am a little more sensitive to these things i think, thanks for soothing my neurotic mind!

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 04/08/2014 20:53

That reception is a lot better than the: No Mummy, no! I want Daddy. Go away which I get on most days when I do pick up.

Yup. This is pretty much what I generally get.

showtunesgirl · 04/08/2014 20:58

And then in the last two weeks it's been: No Daddy. Go away. I only want Mummy.

DH has been looking at her like she's a traitor.

mellicauli · 04/08/2014 21:03

Either completely ignores me or I get the MUMMMMEEEEE limpet clamp

HSMMaCM · 04/08/2014 21:17

One of my mindees sent his mother away last week, preferring to stay and let daddy pick him up am hour later. The stricken look on his mother's face convinced me to tell him it was time to go now.

Thurlow · 05/08/2014 10:23

If it makes you feel any better, OP, this morning I have dropped DD off at the replacement childminder's, as ours is on holiday. This is a women who DD has met for a single hour last week. I was expecting a few tears and confusion. I didn't even get a backward glance...

MrsCosmopilite · 05/08/2014 10:32

My DD's been going to nursery since she was 8 months old. The first week she was a bit upset about being dropped off/picked up but she loves it there now. We're lucky if she says goodbye before she runs off to play with her friends, and she can get upset about being collected because it means she has to STOP playing and come home! :)

TheGoop · 05/08/2014 11:12

Sometimes he runs straight into my arms (Happily)
sometimes he tells me 'you came to early, I haven't had enough fun yet'
Sometimes he just carries on with what he's doing.

He's 3 and a half and has been going since 10 months.

Ragwort · 05/08/2014 11:58

These threads always amuse me - some parents just can't cope with clingy children and long for their child to be happily independent , there is something (IMO) a little needy about an adult wanting their child to be 'all over them'.

The first time I picked my DS up from his childminder he cried - I could leave him anywhere, with anyone - I don't let that effect my self esteem - I am just thankful that he is indpendent !

Original poster

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 05/08/2014 12:05

Ragwort, i am very happy my child is independent, doesn't mean its not nice to be needed sometimes.

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