"I can see your (16 mo) daughter is contrary and difficult whereas ours is generally good."

[puzi]

...said to me today by a father of a 2yr old.

I am oversensitive, I know that, but I am finding socialising with friends who have children of a similar age quite isolating. My daughter is spirited and bright and challenging, but she is the apple of my eye and I don't need comments like that. Anyone had similar challenges?

Remember you are in for the long game- his DC is only 2 and he has a long way to go! ( and possibly more children)

Say "Ah yes, you have all this still to look forward to then!" and smile and nod knowingly. They all do it eventually. Some wait till teenage.

Mine were mostly little toerags between ages 18 months and 4. Then a delight from 4 to 12. Then little toerags again until 18. They're all ironing out OK!

That could be said of ds3, my friends dd never screamed because she didnt want other dc touching her toys, never had to be told to sit nicely at the dinner table etc.

They are now 3 and ds is much better at sitting and sharing. Friends dd is going through a pushing stage and has so far pushed ds off the top of the slide, the big trampoline and the other day down some steps cutting his face.

His child could quite easily become less well behaved as an older toddler

Two examples of how this smug man will get what's coming to him.....

Friends of ours have a robot child who I truly used to think they must drug before leaving the house as he was ridiculously well behaved. He literally walked at their heel as they strolled round shops/village fetes etc. My DCs would splinter the minute I got anywhere and I'd spend the whole time shrieking at them not to run off, whilst friends looked at me perplexed......THEN they had their DS2!!!! He is BONKERS!

Another friend of mine had a manic, rough playing,shouty toddler. The type you constantly have to watch to check he didn't squash a smaller child or break toys ( by accident). My DS was heavenly in comparison, and is still friends with this bit in school. They have both changed a lot - my DS is much rougher and boisterous as a 5yo, and friends DS is much calmer than he was, and generally a lovely little boys.

The man in your OP should repeat the sentence ' there by the grace of God' !!!

What reassuring comments/anecdotes from everyone, thank you! They really help give me perspective. I was saying to DH last night that our friends' kids all seem sedated compared to DD... She is SO active!

why on earth do people on this forum think 'did you mean to be so rude' is some kind of killer comeback?
just say something like yes your dd does seem dull and placid doesnt she?

Blimey, lighten up. No one has claimed it to be a 'killer' comeback.

If this actually happened to me I would probably scowl, ask him to explain, scowl a bit more and tell him I thought it wasn't a nice thing to say and avoid him in future.

DD is like this. Our good friends have a DD about 3 months older and is SO passive in comparison. I keep hearing about things like 'four hour naps', 'quiet days at home' and I wonder if we have given birth to different species.

On the flip side, their DD has no words while our DD, at 17 months, probably has around 100.

I don't get the "did you mean to be so rude" thing either - it's really not such a great put down, and practically begs the facetious response "yes, absolutely"

how about then 'why the fuck are you being so rude you wanker'?

Laugh in his face, indeed. The most suitable response to ridiculous smuggery.

I remember turning to a friend when DD was 2yo & sadly accepted something I explained to her unquestioningly. "She's not a normal 2yo," I explained in despair. "When is she going to start stropping at me about everything and not just accept what I say?" I was genuinely worried.

Didn't have long to wait, though.

Ignore him!

My twins are two next month and are like angels when we are in public. No exaggeration, people often comment on it.

At home they are devil children. Tell him to fuck off.

OP my 16mo DS is exactly how you described your DD. I love that he is so full of energy and is interested in everything, but my god is he exhausting! Sometimes I envy parents of placid toddlers, but then DS will do something bonkers that will make me laugh.

I used to get very upset that DS didn't "behave", but I had to change my way of thinking- he wasn't "misbehaving", he has no concept of good or bad. He is just living in the moment, which isn't a bad way to live

As my gran always used to say, "Never comment on anyone elses child-rearing till all your own are over 40".

how about then 'why the fuck are you being so rude you wanker'?

^This should replace the drippy MN "did you mean to be so rude* with immediate effect.

"Never comment on anyone elses child-rearing till all your own are over 40".

Hedgehog, I like your gran! That should definitely go onto a T shirt

'Yes, I think you're right. I wouldn't worry about it though! I'm sure your daughter will get more confidence and personality as she grows. Some children just take a while to develop...' :)

I use the words contrary and difficult to describe my own DS because he is and has been since about 13 months old. He's stubborn, awkward, wants his own way all the time and has a huge temper. On the other hand he's bright, chatty, very kind and caring and thinks up the most amazing games that all his friends at preschool want to play.

I'd much rather have him that way than some kind of 'good' Stepford child who has no personality and just agrees with everything (though it would nice now and again if he could agree with me just for the sake of it!).

Def practice a comeback along the lines of 'I'd rather have personality than compliance' or 'the bright ones are always harder work' while smiling sweetly.

Are you sure he wasnt joking/ being ironic?! Heh heh heh! What a daft comment!
We often had the opposite type comment about how saintly our child was yet at around 18 months to 2.5 nothing could be further from the truth! For a while she was mostly like a picture perfect child in public (due to being totally imersed in all the interesting things going on when out and about plus the promise of food/toy often helped) but she was then dreadful at home the moment we got through the door as if the strain of behaving like a human being the whole time we were out was too much for her! Prob just due to tiredness but it would've been funny if it hadnt also been so annoying! Of course that didnt last though. Once novelty of various outings wore off around 2.5 years she often had "a moment" when out and about. Generally people didnt interfere and most recall similar behaviour from their own offspring so fairly synpathetic. Never had any tuts or comments, except when DD screaming blue murder in garden caused neighbour two doors away to shout "oh for gods sake shut up" and after that we always dragged her indoors whenever there was a repeat episode.
Suspect your commentor either felt he should say something and out just cane out wrong or he was trying to be funny and it cane out wrong.. If he was just being an arse well thats his problem-your child sounds totally normal to me.

Hah, DD1 was the full-on type as a baby/toddler. Meeting up with friends was fraught - they'd all have their coffees, chatting away, while their children played happily at their feet. My child would be halfway up the wall, crowing at me from whatever vantage point she'd chosen and throwing small blocks that she'd secreted about her person .

She's 4 now, and absolutely lovely. Kind, funny, clever, very articulate, and imaginative. Still can't ever be idle, but we just give her lots of stuff to do and she laps it up. Friends have stopped the pitying looks now and I get asked questions about how to get their own children doing XY or Z. Me! Giving parenting advice! What a flipping joke.

So don't worry, your DD is completely normal. Your friend, however, is an insufferably rude wanker, and I would have told him so. Or, if I'd have been quick enough to think about it, I would have commiserated with him on his DC having no 'spark'

My DD2 has always been the most spirited (a little cheeky) and I've always noticed the cheekier ones are very bright and will probably go far in life. This man sounds like a complete so and so, just ignore comments like that.

It's not helpful him making those sorts of comments, but I have to say it pretty much sums up what i used to feel about my DD1 and her cousin who is 3 months younger. My DD1 NEVER stopped, she always ran off /disappeared, couldn't take eyes off her for a moment, spirited didn't even touch it, furious tantrums etc etc. My niece on the other hand was calm, placid, biddable. You could plonk her down and she would stay put (rather than vanish into thin air), never had a tantrum in her life etc etc. Sometimes I wondered what I was doing wrong..... Fast forward, they are both now 9, both equally bright, brilliant and lovely and totally best friends (in a cousin sort of way). They are still very different, DN would never shout or slam doors (as DD does), but neither is she placid or dull at all - she is steely and determined. DD still has volatile emotions but the overwhelming love and happiness and ready smile conquers all and the flashes of white hot anger disappear almost as soon as they come.

DD2 is very similar to DN (so I believe strongly that it is nature not nurture that really defines character).

i can still see their characters from the baby days, but both have resolved into the best.