what is a good gap between first and second baby?

[Heathcliffscathy]

there have probably been other threads re this, but what do you all think/what have been your experiences of the gap between first and second babies...is there a difference? is there a gap that works especially well, or that is especially difficult...i feel like i just want to crack on with the next one as am enjoying it and want to get my life back in shorter time...but dh is adamant that we should wait at least 3 years...homeopath said should wait at least 2 years for body to fully recover...any thoughts anyone?

I've got a 17 mth old dd (my 1st child is 10 so it's like having 2 only kids IYSWIM)
We are thinking of getting pregnat quite soon, we would like a baby by time dd is 3 yrs.
Have no scientific facts to back that up mind you...

Personally I think any gap will have it's pro's and con's. You just make it work what ever IMO.

personally, I think that about 3 years sounds right.

There was 21 months between me & my sister and that was too close. My mum would have liked a bigger gap but it didn't happen that way. It depends on lots of things. Your age, getting it out the way all at once, if you don't mind going back to "the baby stage" at a later date. You & your husbands relationship. (don't sacrifice that) some people need some sanity in between.

I think that a very small age gap is bad for the body, it needs time to heal. A lot of people have period problems later on and wonder why.

Kids fight, no matter what the gap. It's nice to explain to a slightly older one about what is happening. It's nice to spend the time with the first, you'll never get that relationship again. You can still get them doing mutual playing with a 3 year gap, arty play is ageless pretty much.

Just enjoy the time with your first and decide with your husband what is a good time for both of you. Maybe compromise, split the difference.

I have an 8 year old and a near 6 months dd. For us it is a brill age gap as both dh and I were able to do things we wanted with one child eg I did a pgce and only had one lot of childcare. Ds is very useful for watching dd and fetching things. He adores her and always looks out for her. I honestly dont think I could have coped with 2 close in age.
The drawbacks are that as ds is getting more and more independant we still have a very young dd so cant fully appreciate the advantages of this ie doing more grown up things whilst he's at friends house or childminders, family etc.
DD fits in much more with the family rather than us working around her, no way are we doing Mcdonalds again.

Agree with Kiwisbird about having 2 only children.

I think babies very close together are a strain on the body - my friend has a 4 year old, two year old and one year old and she suffered terribly with her last pregnancy with SPD.

Other than that I would say go for it when you feel ready. I'm a bit wary of too much planning, and talk of ideal age gaps. We started trying for another baby when ds1 was 2 - I finally conceived two years late only to miscarry It was then another six months before I got pregnant again (ds2) . So my planned, roughly 3 year age gap turned into five.

Whatever the age gap you make it work - 11 months or 11 years

So far I love our gap, but it's more to do with waiting for the right man (different fathers am divorced) before having a second than anything else. Ds is 6.5 and dd is 4 months. He's at school during the day so I get time with her and he's being a sweetie with her, he really is. I don't think my body's ever quite recovered!

I'm pg with number 2 - ds is 3 in Sept baby due in July. There is 2 years exactly between me and my sister, 8 years between me and my 1st brother and 13 years between me and my 2nd brother - I am the oldest. I hated my sister and she hated me with a passion until I left home at 18 - now we are closer than you could imagine - I have never really bonded that well with my first brother until the last 5 years but always got on well with my baby brother from him being born - there is no ideal time scale - closer together is harder in the short term - at the end of the day I think you either get on with your siblings or you don't, you as a parent either cope or you don't - a lot of it is down to frame of mind and I get the impression that if you are asking, you've already made your mind up so get on with it!!! Good luck - it will all work out..

thanks for all the advice...mm i'm so sorry about your miscarriage...and totally hear what you're saying about planning...i'm not adamant about anything, and would never ever try to force dh on an issue like this...also agree about spending time with ds (who is adorable and squealing at me as i write, must make sure that mn doesn't become the sibling rival iykwim)...just wondered about people's experiences...i get on well with my sister (3 year age gap) but we didn't so well when we were kids 11yrs and 8 yrs is a huge gap imo, obviously once we were both in our twenties, it's no gap at all...

We have a 19 mth gap (girls currently 1.5 and 3 ish). Physically it is hard work, but not insurmountable. I do feel that it has been a bit hard on my body (am 34) and don't want to have another straight away to give my body a rest. It is nice that they are interested in relatively similar things. Also I have found that there hasn't been a huge jealousy thing going on, but that may be more to do with personality as opposed to age gap. Also, if we were going to have only two, it does feel like we are moving beyond the baby stage relatively quickly (which can be a good or bad thing, depending on your viewpoint). I do sometimes wish that I could give a bit more personal attention to the littlie, as the biggie is so demanding - I am looking forward to her being in nursery soon so I can snatch a little time to spend with the baby only.
Dearie me, rambling rather, sorry. HTH

I'm due my second baby in May and my dd will be 7 in August. I think this is going to be a good age gap as dh and I have had a lot of time to spend with dd, she's now at school and has friends of her own. Dd is very excited about the new baby and is really looking forward to helping with it when it arrives. Also since dd is at school all day I'm hoping that this will help to avoid some jealousy as dd has her own life outside of the house, IYSWIM.

I would have preferred a slightly smaller age gap rather than almost 7 years but this is just the way things have worked out. But to be honest like Hercules I don't think I could have coped with 2 small children at home all day.

Sophable, oh it's OK for MN to create sibling rivalry - it's good practice for ds (neglected, ignored, stuck in front of CBeebies for hours on end...)

There was a brilliant thread, something like "What age gap do your children have,what do you like about it and why?" but ... the MN search engine (as usual) defeats me and I cannot find it.
Ok, my experience: if the gap is under 2.5 yrs, during pregnancy and first few months after birth mother gets a lot more rest! Because my eldest was still day napping until my middle child was 6 months old, I got a rest, often a proper nap, even, every day during pregnancy and for a while afterwards. I really miss that being pregnant now, with 2 active preschoolers to chase all day and no chance for an afternoon doze. So I would definitely recommend under 2 year gaps if it otherwise suits you. I have heard a lot of people say that very small gaps were best, but I didn't appreciate it until now: Small age gaps means little worrying about a multitude of small inappropriate toys ending up in the baby's gob, less difficulty in finding activities that are age-suitable for your entire brood, fewer years storing baby clothes, equipment & toys while you wait for Numbers 2 or 3 to come along, shorter period of your life when you have to stop work or hectically juggle childcare & work, ...can sometimes wear each others' clothes, which is handy for taking less stuff on every outing. From what I read in anthropology studies, the human body is probably meant to be pregnant on average about once every 2 years (depending on infant mortality, miscarriage & stillbirth rates), and bigger or smaller gaps each have their disadvantages.

Biggest pluses to age gap of 3yo+ is knowing you shouldn't end up with more than 1 in nappies, and (maybe) not having to push a double buggy.

Ours is 5 months, and its not really financially viable to have another yet, despite the fact that I'm starting to want another already. My husband says he's too old to have more than one! So the question is, do I keep all the baby stuff just incase, or have a car boot sale? It could be years before our second one, if at all, and we have no storage space!! What do you do?

Our ds is 2 next week and the baby is due in Nov so there will be a 2yr 7month gap. I think that will be great in the long term tho hard work at the beginning. The problem with planning is what happens if the plan doesnt work out the way you wanted? On the ttc thread, there are so many people who were planning a Sep, Oct, Nov PG and now dont care when they have it as long as they eventually do.

There are good and bad things with any gap I think. There is exactly one yr between me and my brother, then 2 more bros and a sister who is 15 years younger than me (all the same parents as well!) I am probably closest to her so it doesnt really matter IMO

Ixel -- this is how it worked for most people I know:

Store the baby stuff for ages, where it clogs up your cupboards and gets eaten by moths. Finally get fed up and cart the lot to Oxfam. Within six months you will be pregnant, and have no baby clothes. Put the word out, and you will be inundated with baby gear. When outgrown, store the baby gear where it clogs up your cupboards etc until you get fed up and cart to Oxfam etc.

Repeat until dh finally makes it to his vasectomy appt.

Like everyone else, there are pros and cons to both. There is just under 3 years between me and my sister but we are best of friends,although when I lived at home we hated each other, so our relationship was never brilliant til I was about 17. My husband on the other hand, has 14 months between him and his sister and they were very close as children, and now in adulthood, hardly speak. So in my opinion, have another child when it feels right for you, and whether they get on or not, is in the lap of the gods!

There are 15 years between one and two and 15 months between ywo and three.

The 15 year age gap was less hard work.

Its been tough but the benifits are starting to show now. Now DD has Ds giggling and screaming with laughter and i know its been worth it.

I had 3 in 4 years - 26 month gap between No1 and No2, then 22 month gap between No 2 and No3 -and it was planned exactly that way

I wanted them close together and although it was hard work initially - TBH no more difficult than having children with bigger gaps. Also, have found with them being similar in age, it's a lot easier to find activities to suit them all - must be a nightmare if you've got a 2 yo, and an 8yo - how do find things to do that suits them both?

Have also found that they play very well together - currently in the garden playing "schools" - mine are now 8,6 and 4. And fortunately, I seem to have avoided any "sibling rivalvry" - none of them are jealous of the others and they each get their "own" time with me and DH.

I don't think there is any "right" or "wrong" way re: age gaps - just what suits you. I also intended to have them close together and fortunately was able to do so.

There was 2yrs 1mths between dd1 and dd2 and i found it very hard going and spent about a year after wondering what i'd done. There is 3 years between dd2 and ds and i found it so much easier. You wouldn't think that an extra year would make so much difference but it did. DD was out of nappies and able to occupy herself if needed and i didn't need a double buggy either.

I was going to post exactly what marthamoo said. I'd thought a lot about ideal age gaps, and had always wanted mine as close together as possible. If all had gone according to plan, I could be 8 months pg now - and ds is only 14 months! However, after 6 months trying to conceive we then lost our baby at 9 weeks. At first I was upset about not getting the small age gap I wanted. But the positive effect has been to stop me thinking in terms of ideal age gaps, but instead to think about myself, and my dp and ds and just enjoy life as it is. When we feel ready to have another go we will, and we will make the most of whatever age gap we get.

Two years is great wiht the dsses -t hey have the same friends and interests!

OH and IME (only)any gap bigger than 2.5 tyears CAN cause problems

Started trying in November so that DS would of been 2.8 if had suceeded. Now that gap has increased to 2.11 and growing each month. I got pregnant first time trying last time round but now know you can not rely on your body to behave the same way again!

about 18 years