what is a good gap between first and second baby?

[Heathcliffscathy]

there have probably been other threads re this, but what do you all think/what have been your experiences of the gap between first and second babies...is there a difference? is there a gap that works especially well, or that is especially difficult...i feel like i just want to crack on with the next one as am enjoying it and want to get my life back in shorter time...but dh is adamant that we should wait at least 3 years...homeopath said should wait at least 2 years for body to fully recover...any thoughts anyone?

infinity

but really, there's 2.5 yrs between my 2 which works quite well

4 years between mine which works well as dd is at school so I can spend quality time with ds without depriving dd. Also she is more understanding and accepting

We had a four-year gap each time, and it's been fantastic -- the older ones see the new baby as an interesting new pet rather than competition, and have been v. sweet. Also they have their own lives (school etc) so plenty of quality time with newborn. Worked for us, anyway...

I exactly 2 years between my 2 oldest (ds born on 3rd feb 2002, dd1 turned 2 on the 6th) and it was a great gap for us. Dd1 was very articulate and advanced in her language (I'm a show-off I know!!) which made it all so much easier. For example, when the releif midwife at the weekend came to visit she introduced herself to dd1 and said 'Hi, I'm Dolly' and the reply (this is age 2yrs and 2 days) was 'You're not a dolly, you're a lady!' - so you can see that we didn't have a lot of trouble explaining things to her.
We wanted this gap - there's 23 months between my sister and I and we were very close growing up - still are. There's only 15 months between dh and bil, and my MIL said she felt like she was pregnant for 3 years! But they, too, are very close to one another (on the phone twice a week to Vancouver!)
Dd2 is 22 months younger than ds. She was a little 'accident' - dh likes to think of it as a 'miracle!'. But the gap is working well. Dd1 is big enough to help a little - she loves choosing clothes and which nappy to wear (we have fun cloth nappies so she can choose her favourite patterns!). She also goes to nursery every morning, so while dd2 has her morning nap, I get a bit of time on my own with ds, and then he sleeps at the same time as dd2 in the afternoon so I get some time with dd1 !! Sound complicated - it is!!
I don't think bigger age gaps would have worked for me. I don't mind things like having 2 in nappies, cos the work isn't doubled, and I would hate to go back to night waking after sleeping through. I just reckon I'll have 6 knackering years and things will settle down after that.

I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding since May 1999 (5 years!) so my body is shot, but I reckon once I get back in shape there'll be no more pregnancies to knock it out again!

I think whatever gap you end up with you work with and it ends up to be the 'best' gap. Ideally? I guess everyone has this, but you're never guarenteed to get what you want when you want it.

I wanted a 2 year gap but it's going to be at least a 3.6 year now. I keep thinking of the positives of having a bigger gap than I had always thought we would have, and I don't think it's all bad anymore.

meant to ask, have you made a decision at all sophable?

lol frogs about stuff in cupboards.
Now we don't plan to have any more, so as ds outgrows stuff it's actually going to go, but it's hard to part with it. It would be easier if I knew somebody expecting their first, it would feel nicer to give it to someone I knew.
Anybody else felt this?

2 yr 10 months between my dds and it's lovely. I'd say it's good to not have two in nappies, and I think your iron levels get back to near normal after 2 yrs. but I wouldn't recommend it much longer as you get used to sleeping normally again,and the onslaught could feel much worse

Bundle - that's interesting about iron levels and recovery time. Perhaps that's why I have needed to take supplements and have been anaemic this time around (age gap will be 21 months when ds is born in hopefully just under 2 weeks time).

We went for a 21 month age gap based on the theory that it would be easier to manage joint activities and interests when they are close in age, and hopefully they will have more in common and play nicely together.

The overriding factor however is that I find small dependent babies and toddlers a bit of a trial and prefer older children (I'm not saying older children are easier, just that I prefer them when they are more capable of conversation, interracting - have a little tiny bit of independence and are developing creative play...beats sucking on a rattle in my book)...so this way we don't prolong the dependent baby stage too long, but should be home and dry and on the up at roughly 2.5 years from now!

Just wondering if you made a decision Sopahable..? I'm in a similar position I think. Dd is turning 1 next month and all the other mums are cracking on with conception of dd/s #2 and some close friends whose ds was 1 in Jan are pg again... It's something I really, really want, but somehow it seems to soon!! (Plus it would mean thinking about buying a bigger house - ugh! a whole can of worms!)

my homeopath decided it for me, (how easily lead am i) by saying that a minimum of 2 years was best for your body. i'd like to crack on, but dh wouldn't, so i'm using the homeopaths wisdom as excuse not think about it for a while. tbh, ds is just getting really enjoyable (5months) so am going to concentrate on him for a while. i can't face working really hard to get my figure back (haven't started on that yet ) only to get pg again, nor can i face finishing college only to get pg again...but i guess you can't have everything

Thanks for that. If your son is still only 5 months, that's pretty young to be hoping for another IMO. We're aiming for a rough 2 year age gap, conception allowing!

I'm just going to have a little butt in and say if you think your son is getting enjoyable now just wait until he starts to talk/walk/interact - they are amazing at every age and each one so far from him being a year old (now 2.7) has been my favourite. I am due in July and my ds is very excited. What I am trying to say Sophable is that they get better and better and if you're getting so much pleasure already then you have a very fullfilling time ahead no matter when you decide to try for another. Good luck with whatever you decide but for my money, get to know your first one first and then you can enjoy it all all over again

Our ds is 20 months and we've just started trying again. I'm not too bothered about age gaps but the time felt right. Also, it seems all my friends are having their second babies and I don't want to be doing the baby thing when they're planning girly weekends away. I seem to remember an article in Time Magazine saying that the 'optimum' gap is 2.9 but not sure what they meant by optimum.

As for all the used baby stuff, I'm keeping my favorite bits of ds's baby clothes and plan to make them into a quilt for his first child (that is, if he decides to reproduce!). This will probably be part of my retirement plan as I don't see it happening anytime soon, but one can dream.

what a lovely post helsbels you've really made me smile . am going to wake ds from nap now and take him out into sunshine and enjoy...

helsbels

Good post Helsbels. I agree, each stage your child moves into is so fascinating, it really warrants all your time. I love being able to give ds all my attention and do loads of fun things (we are out somewhere on a bus/train/with friends for a picnic/day trip to London every day). It is easy to be mobile with only 1 child. My friends with 2 or 3 small children are far less mobile. We planned to have at least 3 children and #2 was due just before ds turned 2. Unfortunately it didnt happen. Now I am pg again and this one is due when ds is 4.6 years. Although I didnt plan such a big gap I think it is ideal, ds will be at school, I have enjoyed having him all to myself for 4 years and now I can look forward to doing it all again.

Hope it works out Bunny, to have that time over again is a very precious gift that I am sure you will enjoy {{}}

Thanks Helsbels

There is 13 months between me and my brother. Don't know how my mum coped - maybe explains why she doesn't like babies ! I have a 2 yr 8 month gap between my DDs. DD1 was reasonably independent (out of nappies etc, at playgroup etc) when DD2 arrived and I had got over the physical effects of having DD1 so coped OK with the birth, tiredness afterwards etc. But she seems much more jealous/resentful of her little sister than her friends whose siblings are closer in age. I'm sure there are pros and cons with every age gap.

I am making myself really miserable just now because we are having great trouble conceiving again (been trying since ds was 1, now he's almost 3. All my mum-chums have had second babies or are pregnant and to be honest I am really envious of them. But one friend pointed out that she felt envious of me and the quality time I'm having with ds, swimming, picnics etc and she feels guilty because she cant give older child that because of baby. So the grass is always greener and I have to stop feeling sorry for myself! (horrible trait)