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Parenting

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Original poster

Now are these people rather weird or is it me?

41 replies

emkana · 13/09/2006 23:17

Just been reading on this German parenting board.
They were talking about children touching their parents' genitalia in the bath and following on from that parents touching their children's genitalia. Quite a few people on the thread said that they would stroke and caress their babies' genitalia just like they would do with every other part of their babies' body.
Now I would never touch my children's genitalia for anything other than cleaning. Am I weird? Or are they?

OP posts:

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LadyTophamHatt · 13/09/2006 23:20

they are em...not you.

god...thats mad me feel ill....

Gobbledigook · 13/09/2006 23:20

Er, not something I'd do

misdee · 13/09/2006 23:21

nor me.

i pat bottoms though.

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Original poster

emkana · 13/09/2006 23:21

The reason I'm asking is that these are very "aware" parents, all into attachment parenting and all that, reflecting on all sorts of aspects of parenting all the time...
I really really don't think they are perverted, just very misguided IMO!

OP posts:

edam · 13/09/2006 23:22

They are.

Cassoulet · 13/09/2006 23:31

Slight diversion, sorry - reminded me of friend having bath with 18mo daughter. Daughter finds mum's genitalia, thought it was a dog and says 'woof woof'! pmsl when she told me.

handlemecarefully · 13/09/2006 23:59

I am recoiling in horror....

handlemecarefully · 14/09/2006 00:01

At OP I should clarify, not what you said Cassoulet

hovely · 14/09/2006 08:26

Hmm. i think this is a difficult one.
I have never had any experience of being abused as a child or knowing in real life anybody who was, so I don't have those intuitive 'alerts' that some do. And I think in an ideal world that all parts of the body ought to be treated in the same way, with care and respect. And babies are delicious and lovely all over. So ideally, there should be nothing different or significant about stroking and caressing genitals. I would certainly be prepared to accept at face value that parents who have really thought through attachment parenting etc. would have a similar innocent take on caressing their babies' genitals.

But at the very least it would make it difficult to teach those children later that they should keep their genitals private. And it could lead to some very confusing feelings about sexuality later when those children grow up if the feelings of arousal with an adult sexual partner are associated with the same pleasurable direct physical contact with their parents.
On the other hand, as several posters on this board have mentioned, skin-to-skin contact with little boys can give them an erection, and the same nice feelings must go with that, presumably? But that is all to the good, because it is a lovely warm safe feeling with mummy?

CarolinaMoon · 14/09/2006 08:30

there was an article in the guardian a couple of months ago about a man who traced his own paedophile tendencies to this kind of 'innocent' play when he was around 6yo (so not a baby, but still pretty young).

NotQuiteCockney · 14/09/2006 08:32

Yeah, I'd be ill-at-ease with this. I totally agree with hovely's point that, in theory, genitals are the same as the rest of the body really, etc etc.

But in practice, no.

FioFio · 14/09/2006 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

1Baby1Bump · 14/09/2006 08:36

i squeeze ds' bottom because it's lovely and if he is having a paddy or something in the bath i might poke his winky or something to make him laugh while singing 'i can see your winker' etc. but i dont 'stroke' him in any way.
i hope i am not wierd?

Original poster

emkana · 14/09/2006 11:29

1B1B - don't worry, what you're doing sounds perfectly okay to me!

OP posts:

tiredemma · 14/09/2006 11:32

Isnt it so that in some far Eastern countries that some mothers use masturbation as a form of 'calming' their children? ( I know that I have read this somewhere)

zoeuk1 · 14/09/2006 13:51

they sound bloody weird!! sorry but it sounds perverted to me.why would an adult want their child to caress their genitalia?

lljkk · 14/09/2006 14:02

In Morocco it's traditional for relatives, esp. elderly women, to kiss the penis of a baby boy for good luck.
Blech....

PrettyCandles · 14/09/2006 14:09

I think that we get really hung up about how we should do things. I can sort of see where the German parents are coming from, and where most of the rest of the comments on this thread are coming from, but to me both sets of comments seem to be overly extreme. Certainly until my children began talking I never discriminated over what part of their bodies I was touching. I wouldn't go to deliberately cuddle their privates, but if the private parts got involved in a cuddle, then I didn't treat them any differently. But once the children start talking and learnign about differences between themselves and others, then I think it's important to start teaching them about personal space - for, unfortunately, their own protection. So after that I only deliberately touched their privates for cleaning. But again, I wouldn't make any big deal about other touches.

And as others have said, of course we enjoy touching our children's bottoms. Ds has recently asked me to stop, so I agreed. But it's clear that he's not entirely certain he wants me to stop, as he has given me permission to touch his bum once a day on weekends .

Cassoulet · 14/09/2006 14:16

Sorry, I misunderstood (v tired when I posted then).

I agree with you, I think it is not on at all. I did share a house with a girl once who used to climb into my bed in the middle of the night and try - well, I don't know what, because I'd wake up and kick her out. She told me that her mum used to masturbate her to sleep when she a kid! Not a good idea, calming measure or not. Abuse in my book.

Cassoulet · 14/09/2006 14:27

LOL prettycandles kids are brilliant aren't they?

Seriously, though, perhaps it depends what culture you're living in. I know Scandinavians are a lot less hung up about nudity than we are, for instance. There's a tribe in New Guinea (?I think, somewhere like that) where the boys at age 5 leave family hut and live in a big dormitory hut and learn to fellate the men in the tribe. When they get to 17, they leave the dormitory hut, choose a wife and set up a family of their own and avail themselves of the 'services' in the dormitory in their turn. All completely normal for them and none of them feel abused, but I have often wondered what it would be like if one of them came to live in the UK and tried to carry on that cultural tradition. This is an extreme example of how different cultures treat and view children and sex etc. Perhaps what the Germans you read about are doing is perfectly normal over there, and we just don't hear about it?

frogs · 14/09/2006 14:35

Dd2 (2.9) seems to be perfectly capable of masturbating all by herself without any instruction or assistance...

NotQuiteCockney · 14/09/2006 14:45

Frogs! That's great! I presume you've already discussed it on the G+T threads? ;-)

3andnomore · 14/09/2006 15:31

Hm,
I am german, and I do consider myself a pretty normal person and certianly not as hung up about nudity as teh Brits are, which is funny, because a lot of girls are fine with having their tits hang out for all to see in a low cut top, and wear a skirt so short you can see all and sundry, but then they feel all shy about nudity in genreal (wtf is that all about, lol)...!
Anyway, can I just point out that maybe something has gone lost in translation here and that therefore there might be slight misunderstanding?Emkana are you german or english? Just wodnering!
Like Prettycandles mentioned I cuddle my sons and bath with them when they lil and all sorts but there is nothing unatural or sexual about it whatsoever....!
I suppose in germany there is a slight differnet culture...I mean you will easily see 7 or 8 year olds or older that bath nude at a lake, and that is just normal...over here everyone would gasp about Paedo's getting off on them...but then, my argumetn would be that those sexy lil Bikinis a lot of little girls are wearing might only sexualise thse lil girls more...!
Just my slant on this!

frogs · 14/09/2006 15:56

NQC, we are proud, obviously, but wouldn't want to boast.

Dd1 used to be just as bad at the same age -- would regularly help herself to sleep by enthusiastically humping a range of cuddly toys. A couple of years ago (aged about 9) she asked me what 'wanker' meant, having heard the word in the playground. Her face when I told her was a picture of revulsion: "You mean people actually do that?" I didn't have the heart to tell her...

gracej · 14/09/2006 16:03

3andnomore: You are talking about somthing completely different.
There is a HUGE difference between kids having a nude bath (natural, no problem) and thier parents actually TOUCHING their private parts for anything else than cleaning (totally wrong).
I am SHOCKED! Are you actually defending these parents?

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