For those of you who had your first two close together...

[weeblueberry]

I just found out I'm very early pregnant and DD is only 15 months. It's absolutely fine and we did always intend to have our children close together but now I'm wracked with guilt that I'm not going to spend time alone with DD for longer. She's turning into this amazing little person who's so full of character and hilarity and I'm really worried that when baby comes along in eight months she's going to miss out not having had us to herself for longer.

This was something I (stupidly) hadn't considered we decided we'd like them to be 2 years apart. And I certainly don't regret being pregnant IYKWIM? I just feel really guilty that she's never going to remember what it was like to have mummy and daddy all to herself for a while.

It'll be fine!

Well I hope so anyway as I'm in the same boat as you

Dd is 1.5 months and second baby is arriving sometime near Christmas.

I'm sure your dd will still feel loved and happy. And will get a playmate near the same age!

Which I would have loved as a child

She's going to remember having a sibling who will (at times) be her best friend. She'll play big sister and every time she asks about who hit childhood milestones first you'll answer 'DC2 of course, because you were there teaching him/her'.

DDs 22 months apart, now 5.5 and 3.7

I'm more enjoying having DD2 to myself a bit now DD1 is at school as she didn't have the same levels of attention as a baby. Then over the holiday she'll be in one day a week so DD1 and I can have time together - mainly to paint and decorate which she will love and the two of them helped paint a room earlier this year with mixed results.

I think the guilt is built in with being a parent.

Only child - guilt
2 'too' close - guilt
2 too far apart to be perceived as close - guilt
3 one will often be left out - guilt
One needs more attention for any reason - guilt
Want to do something for yourself - guilt
Any compromise that ever needs to be made where you want more than 0,9% consideration - guilt.

Sigh. It is good fun though.

DD and DS1 have 26months between them.

DS1&2 have 19mths between them.

I'm very lucky as they all get on very well!

It was difficult at times but I don't regret it. -although I might change my answer in the next 6 weeks

Good luck!

elfy YY to parental guilt!

Thanks all. Totally agree with the guilt thing elfy! The reason we chose the two years apart was because lots of my friends commented that when their kids were 3-4 years apart it established a lot of sibling rivalry etc.

You can't really win can you?

We will probably only have the two kids so I suppose the plus side is that in 3 years we'll totally be done with the baby stage. :)

DD was 2years + 6 weeks when DS was born and she from day 1 she's been stone mad about him. I sometimes feel bad that although DD won't remember having me and DH all to herself, DS actually never had it, so it's a toss up as to who's more "deprived". Anyway, the amount of fun they are now having (DD is 4, DS will be 2 on Saturday) and how much they love each other is well worth it. With the best will in the world, you'll never be able to give 2 children exactly the same childhood, no matter what age gap, so all you can do is make it as happy, loving and equitable for how ever many you have.

My second was born when the first was 15 months old. And yes, the guilt is just part and parcel of it! But once the second one arrived, my eldest doted on him and was young enough that we skipped any sibling rivalry. The first year was really really really hard work, but after that it got so much easier, they were little playmates for each other and incredibly close.

Like Miaow I have a v small gap (16 mths), also waited years for the first!

I have two boys and they are the absolute best of friends - funnily enough I never felt the guilt about giving DS a sibling because my worry was always he'd be an only which I didn't want so was delighted when found out I was unexpectedly pg again. We definitely have a much easier time of it now than friends with 3 or 4 year age gaps!

I have a 23 month age gap and it's been brilliant. Don't want to say much more because I'm sure there are advantages to all age gaps and don't want to do them down, but I'm definitely happy with how it's worked out for us. (Getting the baby stage out of the way was definitely a positive for me.)

It's fine. 15 month gap here. Oldest doesn't remember the time before ds2 was born. It's far easier IMO as they like the same things rather than say 5 year old wanting to play properly and baby bashing stuff down!

I have a ten month old and due soon again. I think it's going to be better this way tbh

There was a survey done a few years ago and they found sibling born less than two years apart usually get on very well, born between 2 - 4 yrs apart usually meant lots of sibling rivalry/fighting and 5+ yrs get on well but aren't really close.
I don't know who did the survey, how it was conducted, and how accurate it really is but when I look at myself and my brother's relationship, my cousin's and friend's relationships with their sibling it rings true.

Just read everything you can get your hands on about having twins - mine are 19 months apart so DS1 was 10 months when we found out DS2 was on the way. Flippin hard work but lovely having them so close ... Well most of the time anyway.

Thanks again all. Interesting about the study and yes, I would agree with it in my experience. DP has 3.5 years between he and his brother and said their sibling rivalry was horrendous. It didn't help that he was intellectual and his brother was sporty and popular and both wanted what the other had! But their sister was born when he was ten, so a big gap, and you're right they get on but I don't think they're as close as if she'd been born sooner because by the time she was getting to ten years old he was off to uni.

Also really interesting about the twins thing. A lot of what's worried me is the practicality of taking them out and about but I worried about stupid stuff with DD that just sorted itself when she arrived!

I have 2 boys 21 months apart. They would kill each other given a chance. It's exhausting.

23 month GP here. I think it's a great age gap. They are 18 and 16 now and get on really well. Then I have a 9 year gap before ds3!

This has made me feel sooooo much better. I'm 5 weeks pregnant with dc2 and dd1 is 13 months. I'm expecting hard work but love the idea of having 2 little ones to play with each other. In fact, to be honest I'm still in denial about the whole thing. It took 4 years to get dd1, I'm still breastfeeding and she's terrible at sleeping so quite frankly it's a mini miracle that I'm up the duff again!

I've just told my DH about the Lego point and that has cheered him right up!

willyoulistentome how old are they? Ds1 and ds2 have had their moments over the years and still fall out occasionally but it's lovely seeing them asking each others advice, playing computer games together, going to the gym and heading off to tesco in the evening to look for the reduced items for me (ds2 finds this excruciatingly embarrassing but it's ds1's favourite pastime so he goes with him and stands well back).

WittgensteinsBunny I'm sure I am looking at it with "rose tinted spectacles" but I remember the time when the two older boys were babies as one of the best times of my life. I had a lovely "modern" double buggy (no phil and Teds in those days) and went off out everywhere proudly pushing it. I was back at work on night shift by the time ds2 was 14 weeks and didn't feel half as tired as I did 9 years on with ds3 and a much more generous maternity leave.

I have 20 months between DS and DD, they are really close and play really nicely together, especially now DD is talking well.

The first months were tiring, but I have lovely memories of going to playgroups with DD in the sling and DS running around etc.

DS has no recollection if the 20 months before DD arrived, and if she is away for any reason he really misses her. DD on the other hand couldn't care less :)

I do remember the guilt though, it was constant and would get me down as I felt I was letting DS down, or then neglecting DD. I had to give myself a reality check, and now I've learnt to give up the guilt I really enjoy having the two of them.

Never having another!

You to guilt whatever

Dc 1&2 are 16 months Apart, they are so close it's lovely, yet I feel dc1 was forced to grow up too fast

3.11 month gap between dc2&3

She now feels "single"
She has no close playmate

It'll be fine. I have almost exactly 2 years between my older 2. It's a great age gap imo.

You'll still get time alone with your big girl when the baby naps. And later on the little one will get time with you while dd1 is at nursery/school - that is loads of fun too.

It is undeniably hard work (17 months apart DS1 & 2) but they adore each other 85% of the time, they are a team in their eyes.

Congratulations!

16 months between my DCs they have been playing really nicely together as it's school holidays. You get everything over & done with quickly. Nappies, feeding, naps. But it's all such a blur I can't remember much about it anymore! Mine are 6 & 5 so possibly I've a tiny break before they become hard work again.
As an only child I find the sibling relation thing very bizarre!