Children so naughty I feel like leaving my family

[kp2014]

This is my first time to Mumsnet, but I literally do feel so desperate and feel unable to express my feelings to anyone honestly so here I am. I'm hoping no one will be able to trace this thread!!

To cut a long story short, I really do feel like leaving my family, I've started feeling this way regularly and honestly don't know what to do about it. All of the joy has gone from being a mum/wife and I'm left with a home life which is literally tearing me to shreds and dragging me into a pit of despair.

On the surface I should feel great, I have a decent home, a good job, a funny and affectionate husband and two great daughters (aged almost 3 and 4 years) however, I just feel like escaping everyone and I feel horrendous for thinking this way.

Every evening my children won't go to bed - now I'm quite realistic, I know having kids is hard but my two scream, cry, kick walls, make themselves sick for approx 3 hours every night. To make things worse they literally scream my name over and over, walk around the house gagging and blubbing mmmuuummmmyyyyy (they're both doing it now)! The hours feel like days and I am left crying most evenings out of sheer exhaustion.

I have tried all of the below for at least two months, maintaining calm, but every single tactic has not made even the tiniest impact:
Reward Charts
Punishment for poor behaviour - I follow through with threats.
Shouting/telling off
Smacking - yes, I know, not hard but a smack on the hand - they just laugh and I'm not prepared to hurt them, even a little, so it seems like a pointless endeavor.
Ignoring is where I am currently at, also not helping at all, in fact the 3 hours episode every night is now currently more like four – they’re really trying their hardest to break me!

My husband is very involved with the kids and is here most nights at bedtime, he has far less patience than me and his stress makes me feel worse, although he helps out as much as me so I’m lucky in that area. We have two sets of grandparents nearby but no one ever helps us/offers to babysit even when they see how hard our kids are. I don’t know why, perhaps because they think our kids are horrendous. We've both expressed our utter despair and no one helps (even though they help one of our siblings with a child, every week almost). We don’t have anyone else who we could leave our kids with so we’ve not had even five minutes on our own without the kids in nearly a year. I feel like we’ve forgotten who we are without the kids which scares me.

Other than the bedtime nightmare our 4 year old has the worst attitude in the world and answers back constantly to the point of rudeness - the kind of behaviour that you would expect from a teenager.

Despite these things they are both good girls, they're not spiteful, they get loads of attention (hubby and I both have approx 2 days per week with each child - we take them out, on holidays, read books etc - so they get everything they need).

I do not know anyone who has the awfulness every night that we have, the three hour screaming fits are starting to reach nearly four hours - this has been happening for around two years so not a phase.

Anyway, I am now at the point where I just don't want to come home anymore despite my work also being quite stressful – this is the only ‘free’ time I have (I work 3 days per week). I feel like hubby and I only see each other with screaming kids in the background, the atmosphere is awful. To make matters worse, husband wants sex if I even come near him (so cuddles are out of the question as he then ends up getting grumpy that I'm not giving him any affection). So my relationship is pretty strained also if I'm honest. The impact of constant screaming is affecting everything. If the kids shut up for a second I feel like I’m in the dog house for not ‘putting out’ quite frankly sex is the last thing on my mind. Despite this, I still manage to ‘put out’ once a week approx. to avoid the nagging from the other half.

I feel like I just don't like anyone anymore, I get pretty much no pleasure from being around anyone. Even when the kids are good I find it hard to enjoy them because I know that they'll be ar*eholes in a few hours. I’ve felt like this for ages and am worried where my feelings will take me. I don’t think I’m depressed, I feel ok at work. I’ve just had enough of everyone. Due to mine and hubbys work pattern there is no way that I could take any time for myself but to be honest, taking time out would maybe make me not want to come back and/or make the family situation any better.

I don’t know what help or advice I am after, I just feel like I’ve been holding my feelings in for so long that I need to vent them someway. I’ve glossed over it with friends but not said quite how bad it is – I’m scared that saying it out loud will set wheels in motion and make things unfixable.

Thanks to whoever reads this – sorry it’s long – it’s nice to know I’ve kind of expressed where I am!

[FlissMumsnet]

Thanks a lot to those who've reported, this is indeed a Zombie thread.

Do feel free to start a new thread if you're interested in having fresh look at this topic.....

[xxCassandraxx]

This is exactly what my daughter does!! I could have written this. But my son just sits there as
good as gold while she screams !!! It’s hideous and she keeps everyone awake.

I am also the person that puts them to bed. My husband works away a lot so we just got into a routine of me doing it