Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Pitfalls of sending DD to stay with grandparents (abroad) for two weeks?

39 replies

SweetPea3 · 09/07/2014 22:54

DD is 21 months old and my in laws want her to go and stay with them for a couple of weeks at the end of August (they live abroad). I am currently pregnant with baby2 due November, so would relish the R&R time, but on the other hand, DD is already reasonably clingy and I don't want to upset her or make her even more clingy by shipping her off.

My husband would fly over with her and get her settled for the first day or two. The in laws would bring her back.

Any thoughts / previous experience you could share would be most appreciated!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

frames · 09/07/2014 22:56

Sounds like she will have a ball. Enjoy the time:-)

Slipshodsibyl · 09/07/2014 22:57

I think she is too young.

Droflove · 09/07/2014 22:59

Gosh, I dont know. How well does she know your inlaws? Is she the type of child who is happy to stay with other people for long periods without mum and dad? I'm all for freedom and for teaching kids to be flexible and independent but the thought of my little fellow at that age being upset and confused and looking for me after a few days would break my heart a bit. A few weeks seems a long time for her not to see her mum, but you are a much better judge of her individual case.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

MaryWestmacott · 09/07/2014 23:02

She's clingy because she knows a change is coming, throw in another massive change (going away without you) will make that worse.

Can pil come stay with you or you go with dd and let them look after her? If she was used to spending lots of time with them, that might be different, but as they live abroad, I guess she doesn't know them very well.

Original poster

SweetPea3 · 09/07/2014 23:21

Thanks for your replies... she knows who her grandparents are, but has only met them a handful of times due to the distance. That said, I did leave her with my husband and in laws (at our house) for about 10 days when she was 15 months as I had to fly to Australia for my father's funeral and I'd only just taken her six weeks before, so couldn't face taking her again.

We've also been to North America to visit my in laws (we all live on different continents... it's a bit complicated!) and then left her with them for three days when we went to Mexico on our own. She was totally fine.

She's actually pretty good at just getting on with things if I'm not around and leave her with someone (she's just clingy when I'm around and especially when there is a third person there), but I do feel that two weeks is a very long time - especially in a new environment and when she isn't at an age where she properly understands whats going on.

Also, the fact that its only a few months before a major life change with the new baby is a bit worrying.

MaryWestmacott - In laws have already been here to stay a couple of times this year and they really want her to go there (for whatever reason - I guess to get her on her own away from me!)...

Ughh... I think two weeks is just two long when it comes down to it...

OP posts:

Original poster

SweetPea3 · 09/07/2014 23:22

*too long

OP posts:

neolara · 09/07/2014 23:26

I think you would be mad to do this. She is presumably still in the midst of the separation anxiety stage. She will almost certainly be very upset at being separated from you. Her language and understanding of the world will not yet be sufficiently sophisticated for her to understand explanations about where you are and when she will see you again.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 09/07/2014 23:32

My ex mil has took my kids abroad 3 times for 2 weeks at a time. The youngest one went was 23 months. They loved it and didn't miss me at all. Had more fun in the pool. I got a nice break and kids got a holiday i could never afford. They are going again next year.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 09/07/2014 23:35

My Ex mil has loads of contact with my dc though and they sleep at her house every weekend. Just realised she doesn't really spend much time with them so its very different. Not sure i would do it unless they can spend more time together before gling

NorksEnormous · 09/07/2014 23:36

I think she is much too young and it would be far too unsettling for her. My dd is 23 months and I wouldn't do it

Lucked · 09/07/2014 23:36

My gut instinct is that two weeks in a foreign country with people who aren't regular care givers or older siblings s too much for a not yet two year old.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 09/07/2014 23:36

Sorry just realised your doesnt spend much time with them, mine do

FFSFFS · 09/07/2014 23:48

I wouldn't do it and I am usually a laid back type of Mum. It's too long and too far away. I understand doing it if you had a funeral or something else that you had to attend but just to please your InLaws and so that you can have a break doesn't seem worth it.

You mention that your DD is good at getting on with things - I would be wary of testing this too much. Kids can go through really clingy stages.

mousmous · 10/07/2014 07:57

I think it's too early to do this in the situation you describe.
in the other scenario your dh was there as well, which is very different imo.
either go with her, or you dh goes with her.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/07/2014 08:08

Two weeks is such a long time!

My dd is three nearly and my parents want to take her away for a week and I dont want her to go. Two or three nights is one thing but seven/fourteen is a whole other.

Can you go with and you and dh have a two or three night trip alone somewhere whilst you are away?

Yama · 10/07/2014 08:18

For me there are no pitfalls because it just wouldn't happen.

FuckyNell · 10/07/2014 08:22

It'll be fine. You've already done it for 10 days and it was okay so I say do it. DH as you say will be there for a bit anyway.

Only1scoop · 10/07/2014 08:28

Wow that's a long time. I'd worry about the distance also....

Thought you were going to say she was about 12

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 10/07/2014 08:34

I thought you were going to say dd is 10-12 and would have said yeah, she'll love it. However at her age, not knowing the GPs well (there's a world of difference between knowing who they are and having a loving bond!) I'd say no way. And fwiw I'm a laid back parent who is usually open to such things, I've had a week away from my dcs but they are much older and were with their dad.

vvviola · 10/07/2014 08:38

DD1 has gone to stay with my parents a lot:
Various weekends from birth
A full week aged 2.5 (I flew over with her, handed her to my Dad then got back on the next plane to rejoin DH and get on another plane for a 36hour & 3 plane journey to FIL's funeral)
Another full week just before she turned 3
Almost a month just after she turned 4 as we awaited the arrival of DD2 (predicted to be early, ended up being late contrary madam)

So you would say I'm usually pretty open to the idea. But I'm not sure I'd so it in your situation. We lived with my parents until DD was 6 months old, then around the corner til she was 18 months old. Despite being abroad, we saw them about every six weeks. Their house was like a second home to DD. DM is also a paediatric nurse and a Montessori teacher. We had all bases covered

They don't have the same relationship with DD2 due to us moving to the other side of the planet, so I wouldn't be as comfortable doing it until she's older and/or gets to know them a bit better.

LemonBreeland · 10/07/2014 08:40

I would say to young from experience. We left DS1 for 2 weeks to go on honeymoon. He stayed with my Mum, and he had a very close relationship with her before that. He was fine while we were away, as far as we know, a child that age can't really articulate how they feel.

But when we came back he was completely hyper aboit seeing us, didn't know what to do with himself, which I felt meant he had really missed us, and when my Mum went to leave he thought he was going with her, he was quite confused. I felt we had made entirely the wrong decision for him

dimsum123 · 10/07/2014 09:09

I would do it and make the most of the break before DC2 arrives. Your DD will be fine being cared for by people that love her. She won't be traumatised for life and will have forgotten she went away within a day of being back.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 10/07/2014 09:34

My dd1 is the age and I wouldn't send her away for two weeks. It's far too long at that age.

Mintyy · 10/07/2014 09:36

Agree with all who are saying that 2 weeks is way too long for such a young child! 2 days maybe, 2 weeks absolutely not. Please don't let her go. There's plenty of time when she's 7 or 8 or 9 for adventures like that.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 10/07/2014 09:39

Way too long and far away, even if she saw GPs everyday I wouldn't even consider this.

Flip

1 2