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Original poster

DS (13) upset and embarrassed about 'being too fat'

28 replies

Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 21:25

Hi all, Today I took my 13 yr old DS and some of his friends to a funfair, when they were there I let them all go in a big multi-storey funhouse and this is where the problem occurred, they were all making their way through the various obstacles until they reached one that was a bit of an issue, it was two horizontal cylinder shaped barriers which had a gap in the middle for children to go through. My son and his friends got to it and after his friends had got through just fine, my son couldn't, he is overweight and no matter how hard he tried he simply couldn't fit through the gap, his friends then tried to help him by pushing him from behind and trying to pull him from the front but it was still no use, there was loads of other kids now queuing behind waiting to get through and they were laughing at him. Eventually one of his friends got a member of staff who came and told everyone to move so my DS could come back out the way he came, he was stifling his tears until we got home and has been really upset all day.
Does anybody have any ways that I could make him feel better and stop him from feeling so embarrassed ?

OP posts:
tak1ngchances · 07/07/2014 21:27

Why is he overweight? Is it a medical problem or overeating?

MrsWolowitz · 07/07/2014 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 21:38

He does have a problem with overeating

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tak1ngchances · 07/07/2014 21:40

Maybe this would help him to eat more healthily? I think it is an awful shame that he was embarrassed, but I feel more sorry for him that he is overweight

ClashCityRocker · 07/07/2014 21:46

How awful for your son. I can only imagine being how mortified he must be feeling.

Make sure it doesn't become the elephant in the room; encourage him to talk about it, if he wants to. If you felt embarrassed or judged by the incident, try not to let this show.

What is his attitude towards his weight/health? I definately think this could be a turning point moment for him.

divingoffthebalcony · 07/07/2014 21:46

That must have been incredibly humiliating for him.

But... it sounds like he must be quite overweight. Instead of seeking advice on how to make him feel better (and, sadly, I don't think there's a magic wand you can wave here) perhaps you should think of this as time to start making changes. But he has to be committed to changing himself, of course. Have you ever spoken to a GP about his weight?

Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 21:48

He is aware that he is overweight but he hates exercise, loves eating and generally tries to ignore his weight issue.

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Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 21:50

I've taken him to his GP about his weight a couple of times now and we've been told to see if he continues to gain weight

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tak1ngchances · 07/07/2014 21:52

That sounds very strange from the GP... Wouldn't a proactive approach be better?

Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 21:53

He did tell us to make sure he exercised regularly, something DS has been very reluctant about

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Unexpected · 07/07/2014 22:12

What kind of exercise has he tried? There's so much available now that maybe he just needs to keep trying until he finds something which he enjoys. Is there anything which you could do together - like going swimming or cycling as a family?

You say he loves to eat - how much and what is he eating? Presumably you are in charge of family meals so are you feeding him low-fat options wherever possible/cutting down on sugary, fatty foods?

These are the only ways you can help his embarrassment and make him feel better. There's no easy, quick fix but maybe making him feel that you are all in this together would help him. Is he the only one in the family who is overweight?

Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 22:16

unexpected he eats about 3500 calories a day, his sister (13) and little brother (3) are also overweight

OP posts:
Unexpected · 07/07/2014 22:24

I've just realised you have posted several threads before about his weight gain. This is not just puppy fat, this is a serious problem. If the whole family are overweight, it is likely that their diet at home is contributing to this. What are they eating at mealtimes/for snacks?

Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 22:32

At mealtimes they will usually have chicken/fish and then chips or beans followed by whatever they want after that

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Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 22:35

For snacks they will have chocolate or crisps or anything they feel like, I know I need to stop just letting them eat anything because they want it

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elportodelgato · 07/07/2014 22:39

Sorry but you have to take responsibility for this and change it NOW! I am a bit incredulous that you KNOW he's eating 3500 calories a day and not exercising and yet you let him continue to eat chips, snacks, chocolate whatever he wants.

Original poster
Nicole1976 · 07/07/2014 22:43

I know, my daughter has started to lose weight so I'm hoping this will continue and I am trying to limit the quantity of food they eat

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elportodelgato · 07/07/2014 22:43

You need to start eating better as a family and sticking to it. I love crisps and chocs but I just don't have them in the house otherwise I'd be eating them all evening, and the kids would be nagging me for them all the time. Fresh fruit and veg is limitless in our house but nothing else is, and no snacking in between meals. No fizzy drinks. No biscuits. Pudding is yoghurt except for special treats.

Can you start cycling together as a family? Or going for a run? I did couch to 5k years back and loved it, anyone can do it and there are lots of 5k races you could all work towards together.

Boudica1990 · 07/07/2014 22:45

I'm sorry your son went through that, poor boy.

However I think this is an eye opener that everything needs to be overhauled and changed, you have stated he is not the only overweight child, therefore I think it's time for change.

I would really start by introducing some tighter eating habbits, such as swapping high sugar snacks with perhaps some fruit and some zero sugar squash, and maybe reduce chips to twice a week and start to introduce some slow release carbs such as sweet potatoes, brown rice or brown pasta as the carbohydrate component of your main meal.

I would also speak to the GP about nutritional advice and help to get the entire family on a healthier diet.

Hope all goes well Thanks

bakingtins · 07/07/2014 22:50

You let him eat approx double the amount of calories he needs????? I realise at 13 he makes some of his own food choices, but that's ridiculous. Maybe the Winnie the Pooh moment will be a wake up call. Poor kid being humiliated like that, but as a family you need to make big changes. I think SW have a program for teens and parents focussing on making better choices. I'd go back to GP and ask them to help you access something along those lines as a family.

MostWicked · 07/07/2014 22:57

Why are you letting him eat so much and so much junk as well?
I think you need to look at what need it is meeting for you. Do you think he would be upset or cross with you if you didn't provide all this food? Are you just trying to make him happy?
You aren't doing him any favours, you are setting him up for a lifetime of over eating and the type of embarrassment that he experienced.

Change the food you buy. Make healthier meals and smaller portions. Don't buy crisps and chocolate, find snacks that he enjoys that are better for him. Drinks need to be mainly water.

Then you need to address exercise. It doesn't matter if it isn't a typical exercise, he just needs to be a bit more active. Wii fit would be a fun one.

PumpkinPie2013 · 08/07/2014 18:10

I'm sorry you're son was embarrassed and upset Sad it must be awful for him. Other kids unfortunately will poke fun - kids are cruel Sad

To be honest, I think you need to take some serious steps to address all of your children's eating habits. It sounds like they eat huge amounts and eat the wrong things Sad

Some good advice here already but as your youngest child is under 5 can you contact your health visitor?

Batmansbuttocks · 08/07/2014 18:15

Don't feed the...? Posters children, I mean Grin

Sidge · 08/07/2014 18:20

Do you have a MEND programme in your area?

Have a look here

It sounds like you all need help with being healthier - as the adult, you are facilitating their obesity as you are the one choosing and buying the food and drinks available to them. It's OK to admit you are struggling and ask for help.

NatashaBee · 08/07/2014 18:21

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