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Original poster

so my son has just fucked up his education ......again...

99 replies

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 12:30

am so upset - son messed up at 2 secondary schools, had some home ed, went to a PRU and finally I found him a place on a 2 year 14 plus GCSE course at a localish FE coll. It was all good although a v long commute for him - now it seems he has failed the first year whch should have been a piece of piss for him but no he did not complete the required work.
so no entry onto the second year !! what should we do

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member · 14/06/2014 13:51

I don't know much about non-mainstream state secondary but surely there must have been something in writing detailing why he was referred to a Pru? They can't have put that that they find' t like his accent?

Doinmummy · 14/06/2014 13:52

It's a lonely old place when your kids don't fit into 'the norm'.

I felt as if I'd taken on the whole bloody world trying to get tuition for my DD.

CharlesRyder · 14/06/2014 13:53

Schools really don't send children to PRUs because of where they are from.

You say he 'has to have the last word'. Does this means he argues with staff? Is he controlling in other ways? I have years of experience of children with EBD and some of the most difficult pupils I have taught have been very polite, well spoken and never had 'outbursts' of swearing or violence. Just incredibly controlling to the point where it is impossible to teach with them in the room.

I'm not suggesting your DS is like that. Just explaining that difficult behaviour comes in a whole spectrum of manifestations.

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ScarlettlovesRhett · 14/06/2014 13:55

So by 14 he had been to 2 schools, a PRU and had a stint of home ed?

That's a lot of disruption to contend with, even for someone who is trying their very hardest.

Is there any scope for him repeating the first year of the course he's just done, or doing some sort of summer schooling with a retake of the parts he messed up in this year? (Allowing him to carry on into the second year?).

I do think that the smoking and accent is a red herring though to be honest, I would stop citing that as a reason or he will believe that himself and think he's been hard done by for just those reasons - there must be more to it than that.

Hopefully you will be able to come up with a solution and fingers crossed that he gets the message that school is important. My eldest is only 12 so I've not got to your stage yet, but I'm dreading it as I remember only too well what a little shit I was to my parents! Best of luck anyway, there will be a solution, it just hasn't become apparent yet whilst you're still pissed off (understandably).

OddBoots · 14/06/2014 13:56

Is there a studio school anywhere near you? We have one around here and it seems to have some success with children who've not taken to more traditional education.

BeanyIsPregnant · 14/06/2014 13:57

I think that your doing your absolute best to help him/ help the situation but you're obviously at your wits end as I would be too..

Does your son want to learn?
I mean, you can lead a horse to water and all that.. If he wants to learn then (and I have no experience of this at all) I'm fairly sure there are online schools you can enrole onto (home ed board may have more insight?) that means that he would get his education/ be learning/ be away from these bloody awful sounding schools/ your happy/ he's happy?

Alternatively, if he's not wanting to learn and is skiving off/ generally being an idiot about the whole thing then I'm not entirely sure what the options are? Obviously the School People (LEA?) have to ensure that he is in some kind of full time education until aged 16, so potentially worth having him enrolled somewhere/ anywhere (does it matter if he won't be attending etc?) to keep them happy, then potentially looking at with him/ talking to him about NVQ/ apprenticeship style courses for when he's 16?

This means that instead of having a traditional 'education' with grades etc, he will have a 'skill', such as plumbing/ building/ mechanics etc.. But it might help spark an enthusiasm for learning (especially if there is already something like this he is interested in?) and push him to resit some of the more essential GCSEs? Realistically most jobs either want 5 a-c with at least a c or above in maths and English.. So worth baring in mind!

Hope your okay Flowers

bronya · 14/06/2014 13:59

How did the Home Ed go? Would you be able to go back to that, and use the college as an exam centre? Once he has GCSEs he could get onto a vocational course and perhaps he'd enjoy that enough to stay motivated.

LynetteScavo · 14/06/2014 13:59

I don't think he wanted to be at any of the educational establishments he's been in, and has done his best to get thrown out of them all.

I would ask your DS what he wants to do with his life, and take it from there. Give him the available options and let him choose. Otherwise, you are just dragging the horse to the water, when it's not thirsty. [attempts to sound profound]

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:00

actually there was nothing at all in writing about the PRU no - not in my language anyway.
OK thank you all for good points and advice.
I have just emailed the course tutor requesting a meeting to discuss what might happen next......perhaps he could make up the work or repeat the year...

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antimatter · 14/06/2014 14:00

Did your son told you college doesn't want to talk to you or did you call his tutor who refused talking to you about him?

He has to hang on there until he can get to apply for an apprenticeship when he is year older.

How many times have you been to school this year to learn about his progress?

Have you met face to face any of his teachers?

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:03

no studio school or other alternatives round ere.

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MellowAutumn · 14/06/2014 14:03

Nigella - I know a fair bit about PRU's :) I am also very surprised that he has been told he cannot continue over one piece of uncompleted course work ? rather than just dropped from that one gcse and that you have had no communication from anyone as he is 15. He is legally entitled to an education so I would go back to LEA and ask what they intend to do about it asap. As for being laughed at by all the farmers sons ?? Just how rural is the school as most schools even here is midwales have a reasonable mix of pupils. You do not seam to see him as the common factor in any of this which worries me.

member · 14/06/2014 14:04

I think that's an excellent start. I know teens are supposed to increase in independence as they get older but it seems overly optimistic for a college to not communicate with parents.

JodieGarberJacob · 14/06/2014 14:05

Make sure whatever you discuss with the tutor(s) and come up with, your ds is on board and in agreement with. Otherwise it will be a non-starter. Good luck.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:05

mellow I am sure you do - but I am not making it up -#
yes he is the common factor obviously

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ScarlettlovesRhett · 14/06/2014 14:05

You said not in your language - you're not in the far west of Wales are you? It can be very hard to fit in there if you are an 'incomer'. (Almost impossible).

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:06

mellow I am talkng about tregaron school if you really want to know -

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Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:07

spot on scarlett

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TalkToFrank · 14/06/2014 14:08

Surely the most important thing here is what your DS feels about having failed and potentially having to leave the college? Is that what he wants? Does he know what he wants? What job does he want to have? Because emailing the college and all the negotiating in the world is not going to make one bit of difference if he doesn't want to be there in the first place. Why didn't he do the coursework on time?

MellowAutumn · 14/06/2014 14:11

EDUbase ? They are shit hot on paperwork and case reviews normally

ScarlettlovesRhett · 14/06/2014 14:12

Aaaah!

Good luck then Confused

Seriously, hopefully a solution will present itself. How is he generally? Has he managed to make friends to hang around with, or is he excluded out of school too? It's hard enough being a teenager without having to fit in to somewhere that makes it clear that you 'don't belong' Flowers
(I take back my comment about accent, too)

CharlesRyder · 14/06/2014 14:16

Could you move back to London? Or maybe send him to a state boarding school like RAAS if you really feel that being in Wales is the problem?

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:16

he has a few mates in the village here although they are generally older than him they do look out for each other.
it is just so worrying - what if we reapply to start again and he messes it up again?
oh how my stepmother will smirk and judge.

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/06/2014 14:16

So how much time have you spent trying to learn Welsh? Fitting in is difficult if you don 't speak the language.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 14:18

funny you mention RAAS.....
I can hardly afford to put deezel in the car atm...sadly or it would be a good idea charlesryder

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