Not coping at all..

[Wilberforce2]

I have a 15 week old dd who is my second child I have a ds who is 5 so you would think I would be ok but I am not coping whatsoever. I cry constantly to the point where I can't remember a day that I haven't cried since she was born, we tried for her for 4 years and yet all I can think is that if I could go back to last year I absolutely would not get pregnant.

I feel constantly guilty for my ds and how much attention dd has taken away from him, he isn't that taken with her either and has made me promise that I won't have another baby. He is always talking about the fun we used to have "before she was here" which makes me sad.

I just feel like I'm constantly on the edge of going crazy, I dread putting her to bed because then I become obsessed with the video monitor and just watch her for signs she might be waking up to the point where I feel sick with nerves. I then dread the mornings because I know we have a whole day together. She is generally good, lovely and very smiley but I can't bear her crying at all it just makes me panic, I get a knot in my stomach and feel like I need to leave the house or what normally happens is I start crying myself. I feel no bond whatsoever and I do think if someone knocked at the door and said that there has been a mistake and I can't keep her I would pack her stuff and wave her off.

I feel like shit writing this and most of you are probably thinking I don't deserve her which is so true. WTF is wrong with me?

Wilberforce2, you sound like you're suffering from depression. Nobody is going to think that you don't deserve your baby. Make an appointment to see your GP and tell them how you're feeling. You WILL get better, I promise.

I felt like this. It was PND and anti-depressants really helped. Please go and see your GP and tell them how you're feeling.

Please make a GP appointment immediately. You will get the help and medication you need and you will start to feel better very soon.

You are ill and need help. You will get through this. You will feel 'normal' and happy again and you will love your DD. Honest.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time

You do deserve your dd and no one will think you don't.

Please talk to your GP.

Thank you so much for the replies I have read them about 5 times this evening and have cried every time. I don't want to feel like this I want to be normal and enjoy my baby, I don't want to be a bag of nerves and feel sick every time she starts to moan I case in turns into full on crying.

Both of my gps are elderly men, do you think they will understand? I tried to tell a HV and she told me to get fresh air, exercise and to stop doing my housework! I'm worried I will go into the GP surgery and just cry because I'm crying now just writing this. I've tried to talk to my husband but he just says I need to cheer up or just shakes his head and says I'm miserable I just feel like no one understands and that I'm coming across as ungrateful. I'm so annoyed at myself I have two healthy children, a nice husband, nice house and I don't have to work if I don't want to but yet I constantly feel like shit and if it wasn't for my little boy I would be happy not to wake up tomorrow.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow for my dodgy shoulder but I'm wondering if I should talk about this instead?

Thanks for listening x

Oh sending you so much love. I could have written this with both of mine when they were babies. I can relate to the knot in your stomach and the always being on edge. It is horrible.

It was worse second time round for me because even though we had a 4 year age gap, DS1 still needed and deserved attention. He wasn't able to understand why things had changed so much and he still needed me so much to help with homework, reading, cuddles, bathing etc. Urrgh the memory of my first year with 2 children is just so grim and miserable .

I adored having time alone with DS1 and he was my best friend. I missed him terribly when DS2 was born. I felt guilty every minute of the day. I even googled how to have DS2 put up for adoption at one point because I just felt nothing. Nothing positive anyway. I feel terribly guilty for this and I know it sounds horrible but it's the truth. You are not alone.

I think a trip to the GP or Health Visitor is in need. For me it was PND and also a whole host of other anxiety problems I had suffered from but tried to ignore my whole life. I ended up on mild anti depressants and having counselling, working through my anxieties and trying cognitive behavioural therapy to change my thoughts and stop my stomach from lurching every time DS2 cried. After 8 months I was able to stop taking the anti depressants and have never looked back. I remained in counselling for bout 15 months but this was to tackle more than just the Post Natal Depression.

It gets so much better I promise. DS2 is now 4, DS1is 6 and they are both lovely and such good friends most of the time! .

I adore them both. DS2 is a beautiful, chatty, friendly, mellow little boy who had never thrown a tantrum in his life. He's the perfect playmate for DS1 and they appreciate each other in a way I just could never have imagined when DS2 was a baby but having 2 really is the best thing we ever did. DS2 has completed us.

Oh and it's OK if you cry on the GP! Please do not suffer alone. x

Good God DS2 is now 2. NOT 4!!! Sorry typos!

You are ill you poor thing. You need help. Pnd is not some imaginative issue it's real and can be horrific.

Why not try doing the Edinburgh postnatal depression scale for some hard facts to show your dh and GP. Will try to link.

Use your appt today for this. The longer you leave it the bigger the monster will grow. Get your dh some information, he needs to massively step up.

Good luck op.

[[http://www.fresno.ucsf.edu/pediatrics/downloads/edinburghscale.pdf Link]]

Try again

Wilberforce2, how are you getting on?

So sorry I never came back I'm not good at all.. Went to the GP last week and have medication for pnd. Today has been awful I feel like I want to take my older boy and run away, keep feeling like I can't breath. It's horrendous I just want to be normal..

Ads take a while to work - you may also have to go through adjustments before you find the right dose. It will take a while.

Did they offer you CBT? It can be really effective. Of not, go back and ask.

How is your/DD sleep? That raised my anxiety enormously.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's awful, this illness.
And it is not your fault. You've done nothing to deserve it, and it's not helped by the added pressures you are under regarding your parenting for DS- managing a new arrival is heavy at the best of times! Let alone whilst you're struggling with an illness.

Big hug to you. Keep posting. You will get there.

Well done for getting to your GP. You will start to feel normal, very soon -once the meds kick in. And in the meantime, come and share on this thread if you need to vent. Lots of us here have been though what you're experiencing just now. It so hard at first, going from one child to two. Probably the most difficult transition as a parent.

Hang on in there, the medication will kick in eventually. You will feel better soon.

Hi Wilber

I could have written your post myself 2 years ago when my second DC was 5 months old. I felt like I had ruined everything and was mourning the loss of my relationship with my first DC who was almost 3yrs at the time. I was racked with anxiety (mostly around the baby sleeping) and felt frozen to act on anything. I ended up on prozac for a short period but also attended a PND talking group once a week which helped enormously. Going back to work at 6 months also helped in my case as it stopped the feeling of being utterly trapped and wanting to run away. I too felt nothing for my DC2, no feelings of wanting to hurt them, just nothing - like I was going through the motions in the spirit crushing 3hr cycles of parenting a new baby.

The talking group helped a lot as did getting people to help while I had a day or so here and there with my DC1 121 without the baby. It got better bit by bit and now my DC2 is 2.5yrs old and I have to say my heart bursts with love whenever I am with him now, he is my life and I wish I could afford to give up work and spend more time with him and his older sister. If you had told me this 2 years ago I simply would not have believed you. He is such a mummies boy too so clearly my episode of PND did not impact the bond, it just took longer than I would have liked to form properly.

So please be kind to yourself, ask for help from anyone you can, and definitely ask your Dr or HV if they know of a PND support group locally (mine had a creche for the baby and older siblings so you could focus on just talking through your problems and not worrying about the children) as this made a massive difference to me.

Good luck and massive hugs xxxx