Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Why do some parents smack?

39 replies

HygieneFreak · 09/06/2014 20:25

I was smacked as a child. I was quite scared of my parents and felt that they smacked unnecessarily.

My mother and father didnt have much patience. I smacked other children when i was younger, i remember at around 7 years old slapping afew children when they didnt do as i wanted them to do.

As an adult i am quite short tempered, but i am working on this.

I have a 20 month old dd who im in the process of teaching her to understand the word 'no'

Dd chucks food every mealtime. I ve tried saying 'No' very firmly, tried raising my voice etc. dd just looks at me and then chucks more food.

I was talking to my mum today about this and she said that if i smacked dds hand, she will very quickly learn.

I explained to my mum that i do not want to smack, i want to use different methods.

I asked my mum why did she smack, is it because she lost control of the situation or was it because it was the only thing that made me do as i was told?

My dm very quickly cut me off and said do it your way, whats the point in asking me if your not going to take my advice?

She then ended the call saying she had to do something.

Since having dd, i would really like to find out why my parents smacked.

If you smack your children, can i ask why?

If you was smacked as a child, did you ever find out why?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/06/2014 21:06

Take her food away or ignore completely, she's probably looking for a reaction...or full up and bored...or doing it for fun.

Mumof3xox · 09/06/2014 21:07

I have smacked my elder dc but only when they hurt each other

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/06/2014 21:07

I think your mum probably took what you asked as criticising her parenting.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Dysfunctional · 09/06/2014 21:10

The fact that your DM couldn't answer suggests she can't defend it/ feels guilty. If you were scared of your parents this suggests they may have lost control. Was it the smacking that scared you or were they scary in other ways.

I know children are scared by seeing their parents lose control.

Original poster
HygieneFreak · 09/06/2014 21:11

Mumof3

Why do you only smack when they hurt each other?

OP posts:
ElBombero · 09/06/2014 21:13

I have smacked my dd maybe 2/3 times in her 3.5yrs. Each time it is because I have lost control, I have never hurt her but each time shocked her. It's resulting in so much guilt afterwards that it's led to tears and a decision to never do it again. Hmm

Original poster
HygieneFreak · 09/06/2014 21:14

I think i was scared of being hit to be honest

I used to shout to her from the top of the stairs if i wanted a packet of crisps etc

I didnt want to come down and ask

I think it was because of her reaction.

I always used to wish i was an adult

OP posts:
Dysfunctional · 09/06/2014 21:15

"Why do you only smack when they hurt each other?"

This seems the time you shouldn't do it. Don't take this as criticism. I find dealing with bickering/fighting siblings one of the most difficult things about parenting. I try hard and fail dismally to control the situation and usually do lose control by getting upset/shouting at them to leave each other alone.

But I'm usually saying/shouting "Stop hitting your sister" so couldn't personally use a smack to demonstrate this.

Dysfunctional · 09/06/2014 21:17

"I always used to wish i was an adult"

I'm not surprised. Sounds awful and robbed you of your childhood. Have you ever spoken to anyone about this/therapist etc.

How's your relationship now?

Mumof3xox · 09/06/2014 21:19

I smack when they hurt each other, I do not smack for - cheekiness, refusal to eat/tidy and many other things which I know other parents do

If they have caused someone else pain I think they need to realise it is not nice, I might add by smack I only mean a light smack

Original poster
HygieneFreak · 09/06/2014 21:22

We get on really well now and live very close.

But since having dd, im thinking about this smacking thing more and more

Dh was beaten as a child by a very aggressive father.

They no longer speak.

Dh isnt aggressive in the slightest and doesnt believe in smacking either.

According to my mother, everyone smacked. All my aunts smacked their children etc

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 09/06/2014 21:25

My mum walloped me a few times. Why, because she was at the end of her tether and I was being a total shit. I'm not scared of her, never have been. She's a loving mother.

I have never smacked my son and hope I never do, but god I have wanted to. So, so much. Maybe one day it will just happen, in response to him whacking me, pulling my hair or any of the other ways he hurts me when he's being difficult.

I'm sorry your mum used smacking routinely, but it did used to be the norm. We've moved on I think, and smacking is no longer seen as acceptable. But now that I have a kid, and have experienced the sheer frustration they can drive you do, I do not judge a parent who loses it and smacks very occasionally. That could be me.

Bananapickle · 09/06/2014 21:32

I think smacking used to be the done thing, a bit like what the naughty step is today.
I was smacked as a child and I think it was for the above reason, it was the way you disciplined children.
We don't smack our DD as a form of discipline. I did once when she ran out into the road and I just needed her to know how dangerous it was. I talked it through with her afterwards and she seemed to understand. She has never done it again. I'm not saying that was necessarily the right way to handle that situation but it certainly had the outcome I wanted...

MiniatureRailway · 09/06/2014 21:33

I was smacked and was never scared of my parents or really very affected by it. I think my parents did it because it was the accepted form of discipline then.

Dysfunctional · 09/06/2014 21:35

I can totally understand how it can happen on occasion. Believe me I have never known how angry and frustrated it was possible to feel until I became a parent but I would hate to have DC who were scared of me. Instead I'm scared of being unable to discipline them at all- how times change

And its true people used to smack more- but they also had valium-something I could do with on occasion if only it weren't so addictive

MiniatureRailway · 09/06/2014 21:37

Grin Dysfunctional

smokeandfluff · 09/06/2014 21:39

Same as miniature, my parents smacked because it was the done thing. Not smacking a child was meant to lead to a spoilt child. I don't think its an effective form of discipline, but I don't think it warped me either.

SuperFox · 09/06/2014 21:47

People smack because they were smacked and haven't tried hard enough to find alternatives. When I wanted a toddler to stop running into the road I made her watch what happens when I rolled an empty can from the gutter under a moving car, got the flattened can and showed the result. No more running into the road. People lose it and smack or smack out of lazy learned behaviour. Neither is acceptable and it is really good that you are questioning your upbringing op because it will make you a better parent, don't wait until you lose it, plan and research alternatives.

Nerf · 09/06/2014 21:51

Erm slightly stupid thing to do. If you'd rolled a can at my car if have been very freaked out. And possibly done an emergency stop if I didn't know what you were doing.

SuperFox · 09/06/2014 21:53

busy city street and from the side to traffic so no not silly at all!

plotmissinginaction · 09/06/2014 21:53

I was smacked. Put over the knee and smacked on the bum by my dad. My mum would request it if she couldn't cope I guess. I remember it being a deeply humiliating and frightening experience. I would never hit my kids. I don't hi people I don't like, why would I hit my kids?

Freewheelin · 09/06/2014 21:53

Same as others. I was smacked occasionally but was not afraid of my parents.
I have smacked occasionally either when I have lost my temper, in which case I always felt bad and regretted it. Or very rarely as a last resort when other strategies had failed.

Original poster
HygieneFreak · 09/06/2014 21:55

Im quite surprised at the number of people who say they were never affected by smacking.

Can i ask..

Did you ever smack other children?

OP posts:
Lookrightnow · 09/06/2014 22:00

I was smacked. Never smacked other children.

Have smacked my kids.

Doesn't work. End if tether. Regret it instantly.

Have undertaken a course to learn how to be a better parent Smile

Freewheelin · 09/06/2014 22:13

I never smacked others as a child. I never hit another child. To my mind I think I knew the difference between hitting in anger and smacking as one disciplinary tactic my parents used.