Why do some parents smack?

[HygieneFreak]

I was smacked as a child. I was quite scared of my parents and felt that they smacked unnecessarily.

My mother and father didnt have much patience. I smacked other children when i was younger, i remember at around 7 years old slapping afew children when they didnt do as i wanted them to do.

As an adult i am quite short tempered, but i am working on this.

I have a 20 month old dd who im in the process of teaching her to understand the word 'no'

Dd chucks food every mealtime. I ve tried saying 'No' very firmly, tried raising my voice etc. dd just looks at me and then chucks more food.

I was talking to my mum today about this and she said that if i smacked dds hand, she will very quickly learn.

I explained to my mum that i do not want to smack, i want to use different methods.

I asked my mum why did she smack, is it because she lost control of the situation or was it because it was the only thing that made me do as i was told?

My dm very quickly cut me off and said do it your way, whats the point in asking me if your not going to take my advice?

She then ended the call saying she had to do something.

Since having dd, i would really like to find out why my parents smacked.

If you smack your children, can i ask why?

If you was smacked as a child, did you ever find out why?

I was smacked twice by my mum. She admits she lost control of herself, on one occasion shortly after her mum had died. She feels shit about it to this day as I wasn't even really being naughty, just a little careless.

I have never smacked ds but was pushed to my limits yesterday and came close. I think I may have even threatened it in the heat of the moment. He's 3. I would like to think that's the closest I'll come to it.

I was smacked as a child. I've always said 'it never did me any harm' and presumed id smack my children one day.

But Now I have a DS I can not imagine ever smacking him. He's only 5.5 months so I know I've still get to experience him being really, really naughty! But I had a bit of an epiphany very recently. I don't believe adults should hit each other- man or women to another it's wrong; my father physically abused my mother (never me) and I think it was a terrible to thing he did. So if We all know domestic violence is wrong. So surly it's also wrong to hit/ smack our children?

I was smacked but I was affected by it, it was far too often and never just one smack, always several as hard as possible. It wasn't the pain that hurt so much as the fear and humiliation and being powerless. My siblings and I would fight like cat and dog but I never hit other kids, pretty much ever to my knowledge. When DD became a toddler I realised my instinct was to smack. When I felt that way I would remove myself or her. I have smacked her hand at times. If I felt out of control I got myself out if the way. Over time I've learned how to control it, but I won't lie, it isn't easy - people assume it's just lack of self-control and it is to a point, but it's also learned behaviour and ingrained. I read an awful lot about parenting and on the whole I am able to parent positively, but like anyone the red mist descends sometimes, but I just strongly believe smacking is wrong and have a complete anti-smacking policy in my home. I do not want my children to feel small and powerless the way I did, and smacking causes that - it says I am big, you are small, and you will do what I want.

On the other hand, people who were just smacked on occasion as kids, which I think a lot were, don't seem to be affected by it. I've heard 'never smack in anger' but I don't believe that's even possible and smacking really is for the adult, not the child. There are far better ways of demonstrating consequences without resorting to smacking and so far I've found they work a lot better and the calmer you stay, the better they work.

Im currently going through courts by my ex for child contact, hes saying the usual child abuse crap, I dont smack, although I have physically restrained by 8yr old when hes squared up to me and called me a "fcking Twt". I know this is going to get brought up in court cause basically, its all he has.....Im going to admit it of course, will it look really bad for me? i dont smack at all, its a pointless excersise, they'd just laugh at me!

I was smacked and I'm fine. I did not smack other children. I was smacked rarely and it was never as bad as DM being 'disappointed', tbh.

However, I know she regrets the smacking, and I would not choose to smack my own children. I do think it was borne of frustration, stress and a loss of control. If I ever remind her of it (which I don't, generally) she puts her head in her hands So while I'm fine, it has obviously stayed with her.

I've smacked when I've lost control. Mainly due to tiredness, lack of help / support from others, lack of having a break etc. never when they were tiny though, 2 /3 years old at least. It's not something I'm proud of and now the kids are getting older, and therefore easier, it doesn't happen.

What MorrisZapp said really.

I was smacked a couple of times by my mum when she was at the end of her tether. I've never held it against her, and I'm even more sympathetic now I have children of my own.

That said, I've never smacked although at times I've wanted to. DS is 3.5 and can be utterly infuriating, but I know I'd feel utterly shit if I went ahead and hit him. I do a lot of screaming in to pillows...

And no, I didn't hit other children. I remember going through a bites phase at nursery, but no smacking.

I think people smack because that's the only way they know how to discipline, because it is the norm in their own families (as you say, smacking was used by your extended family). People who smack routinely as discipline probably believe they are doing the right thing by their children.

I think you mother took your questioning as criticism of her parenting and was hurt by this.

I'm sorry you had such horrid experiences as a child.

My daughter is 16 months and entering the pushing boundaries and testing rules stage with gusto! Of she does something wrong we tell her no, if she does it again we take whatever it is she is misbehaving with away or remove her from the situation. When appropriate we give a short, simple explanation eg "it's dangerous, you could get hurt".

My dad smacked us a lot as children and he was always completely out of control when he did it. I hated him for it as a child and often have flashbacks about it now as a 36 yr old. I would say that my brothers and I have a very strained relationship with him now, in part because of this.

My mum smacked us occasionally but from what I remember it was usually when we were all fighting or something and I don't remember this as much and it never seemed to bother me and doesn't now.

I'm pregnant with first and have no intention of smacking my child but I don't judge people that do in the right situations and as long as it's within control and pre-thought out. My dad would fly off the handle at the smallest thing and then not let up until we had all barricaded ourselves in our rooms petrified of him. That's different to a smack on the hand if the wee one is being genuinely disobedient and not responding to other methods of discipline.

Im quite surprised at the number of people who say they were never affected by smacking.

I think it's because what you experienced and what others experienced can be very different things. For me, smacking was very rare - what some people describe is nothing like my childhood and often has clearly crossed the line into abuse.

Did you ever smack other children?

As a child? No. I have smacked my children on rare occasions but I can't remember any details and I am pretty sure they don't either. I have happy, well adjusted children and I am comfortable with my parenting.

I was smacked as a child. Although the total number of times I was smacked throughout my childhood probably amounts to single figures.
My mum smacked because it was an accepted form of discipline back then. I didn't smack other children because I accepted that the smacks were discipline. We put children on naughty steps etc and not many go around putting other children on naughty steps because they know that it is a form of discipline.
I think the problem comes when smacking goes beyond discipline and becomes abuse or is the patents just totally losing control of their own behaviours.
I don't smack my children, but there have been times where I have looked at other people's parenting and thought that they have gone too far with not disciplining their children. I don't think smacking is the answer but I do think we need to use other firm, consistent and clear forms of discipline. Too many people are busy trying to be their children's friends and are so worried about upsetting their children that the children have no boundaries and are ill behaved.
I don't hate my mum for smacking me. In fact, from the times I remember being smacked I really deserved it.

My mum smacked me very rarely, but I was never afraid of her. Because I usually knew what it was I shouldn't have done. (Last time I was 15 and had just kicked her. Even at the time I admitted that I'd bloody deserved it.) Her being disappointed in me was a far worse punishment. My stepdad never hit me and I was frightened by him, because he would lose his temper without warning.
Smacking was not the variable that made the difference.

I have smacked my daughter a handful of times in 18 years - mostly between 4 and 9, probably, and every time it was because I had lost my temper and it ended up in me apologizing to her. I don't think it affected our relationship at all, and she claims to not even remember me ever doing it.

I think the problem comes when smacking goes beyond discipline and becomes abuse or is the parents just totally losing control of their own behaviours.

This, absolutely. I read some posts of people's childhood smacking experiences and they bear no resemblance whatsoever to my childhood.

I wasn't smacked but opted to smack my daughter, because I felt that I was controlled by a lot of emotional blackmail and actually envied children who were smacked and it was over and done with.

But once you start down that line, you've got be really careful not to smack in anger, which isn't always possible.

I have since questioned my decision and my daughter is bringing her child up without smacks.