leaving a 14 year old to look after a 9 year old.

[budders34]

hi, new to the site so please be gentle.. i feel like i should add that i'm a Dad, I hope i'm welcome.

I have a question about when is it right/legal/appropriate to leave a child of 14 looking after a 9 year old during the evenings whilst their mother goes out to the pub with her friends. I understand the need for their mother to have a life away from looking after her children but is it right that she does this until the early hours of the morning on a regular basis?

Also, whats the legal/moral situation regarding letting the same two children walk home alone from a day in the pub whilst their mother continues her drinking with her friends until late?
thanks in advance.

I have a 14 year old and a 9year old and occasionally leave them together for 30 minutes while I go for a run or nip to the shop.

I feel a bit dodgy about that tbh.

I would never do this, it is. Lot of responsibility to put on the 14 yo, and it does contravene Nspcc guidelines. I particularly wouldn't like to do it til late or while I was drunk (I note you didn't say that is happening btw).

It's getting into a grey area age wise I suppose.

Yes but I was babysitting by the age of 14. I think a lot of it depends on the 14 year old in question - how sensible and reliable etc they are.

For hours on end just so the mum can drink is a bit though. I'd feel differently if it was so she could do her evening college course, or her job, or something. Occasionally for socialising or special occasions, but it sounds like it's a lot more often and regular than "occasionally".

I don't see anything wrong with a 14 year old looking after a 9 year old. My daughter babysat for other people at that age. They're old enough to walk home too. If the mum is regularly drunk and incapable, then that's a different matter.

I would have no issues leaving 14 yr old BIL to babysit 2 yr old DS but only for things that need to be done going to the local shop doctors app etc BIL is nearly 15 so would prob leaving him to babysit in the evening soon but it would be occasionally and never if I would be drinking just incase BUT it is not fair at all to use a 14 yr old as an unpaid babysitter so you can go on the piss.

I was often told to be in for 9pm so my mum could go out with her friends while I stayed with my sister and it really was so unfair I can remember things happening like my sister being ill or naughty and phoning the pub looking for my mum (this was before mobiles where common) but she never came home it was really stressful and I really resented it and tbh still haven't forgiven her fully for putting me in that position.

There is no law with an age limit.

If however a child comes to harm when alone then, deepening on the circumstances, the parent could be prosecuted.

Leaving DC of this eg home alone together sounds fine, as does having them walk home together on a familiar route, let themselves in. And be home alone or a while.

The problem you seem to have here is that when the caregiver is present she is drunk, and that the length of time the DC are home alone is excessive (in terms of both frequency and duration).

Are you in a position to stage a helpful intervention?

She is old enough to babysit - the reason for the babysitting is irrelevant.

Well I think it's fine to leave 14 year old to babysit brother for a few hours and occasionally longer but if this is a regular thing then I think it's very unfair on the 14year old! And very irresponsible of the mother!

imho,
For up to a few hours in daytime & occasional evening (before 11pm): fine.

Every night until 1-2am would be utterly pants, though.

I heard about local 12-13yo regularly (like almost every Friday & Saturday) looking after 4-5 younger siblings; well, they look after each other, until the pubs close. Apparently SS know & are trying to change the mother's habits without much luck.

I have just started leaving one of my nine (nearly ten) year olds at a time with the fourteen year old.
Daytime only, for less than half an hour, and only when I'm popping out locally to collect the other nine year old.

Thanks for the replies. I should also add that these two children have no mobiles or a landline phone. They also don't have a key as they lost theirs and so have to climb through a window to get in.

No problem leaving a 14 year old and a 9 year old. But your post suggests other problems.

Their Mother is out drinking at the pub until the early hours but they have no means of communication and some sort of issue re keys.

Sounds a bit chaotic... tell us more.

Can you just spell it out budders?

There's no problem if the 14 year old is responsible and the 9 year old will behave for them.

Just don't do it for too long, max of 2-3 hours during the day and if it's night time baby sitting then be home by 10.30.

You are being a bit disingenuous. Cut to the chase.

Depends on the 14 year old, if the 14 year old is capable of looking after a 9 year old then its fine.

I am guessing this isn't just about the 14 year old being left with the 9 year old.

So you have children climbing through windows and being left alone til the early hours, and you have to ask if it's ok?

It obviously isn't ideal, but is it within your power to make things better, without making them worse? If so, why are you not doing just that?

Get some keys cut, and a PAYG cheapy mobile for a start.

14-year-old looking after younger sibling for a few hours - no problem (my older DC has 'babysat' his younger sister since he was 13). Walking home together also no problem.

But mother regularly out till early hours, no phones, no keys etc are problems and it sounds like there are bigger lifestyle/neglect issues.

My actual babysitter is 15. If the 14 yo is responsible and the 9 yo is sensible then I don't see the problem. There obviously is a problem though.

I'd have no problem with a responsible 14 year old looking after a 9 year old for a short time during the day, but I wouldn't be happy about leaving them alone for a long time at night.

I have a 14 year old and 11 year old. Theydo stay home together if I'm going to the supermarket, or I'm delayed home from work, or, like this morning, going to the tip because my life is one round of glamour

But somehow, leaving them in the evening to go to the pub seems wrong and I wouldn't do it.

You sound worried. Are you planning on talking to her? If you do, you certainly have grounds to express concern I think

Do they come and stay with you? I'm just wondering because I tend to do my pub drinking socialising when the kids are with their dad and be with them while they are at home with me

How does he get a key cut? I'm assuming he doesn't have one. Wew know the DC don't have one. From the sounds of it, the exW might not be the easiest person to approach about it...

Welcome to MN budders. 'Drip feeding' (dropping in nuggets of new relevant information which shed a different light on the original situation)is often looked on poorly here - best to get as much info into the original post as you can.

Leaving a 14 yr old and a 9 yr old alone isn't unreasonable, but doing so to facilitate the mother being out until the early hours drinking is unreasonable/neglectful, especially considering the phone/key situation.

Are these your children?