leaving a 14 year old to look after a 9 year old.

[budders34]

hi, new to the site so please be gentle.. i feel like i should add that i'm a Dad, I hope i'm welcome.

I have a question about when is it right/legal/appropriate to leave a child of 14 looking after a 9 year old during the evenings whilst their mother goes out to the pub with her friends. I understand the need for their mother to have a life away from looking after her children but is it right that she does this until the early hours of the morning on a regular basis?

Also, whats the legal/moral situation regarding letting the same two children walk home alone from a day in the pub whilst their mother continues her drinking with her friends until late?
thanks in advance.

The Mother needs to get a key cut to give to the 14 year old Bit, but I have no idea how this can be done. Hopefully the Mother can see climbing in and out of the window isn't ideal

But then we have no info to go on at present anyway.

Well Sparkling yes of course she does. But it would seem that she's not doing that and / or has a bit of skewed view of what her responsibilities are

Are these your children, budders? If you are looking for advice we need more info, really. You do sound worried and there are MNers on here who will be able to give you good advice.

Hopefully all will become clear Bit when the OP tells us- if he does.

I'd say it was fine for a short time during the day, I would let them do it for say 5 hours whilst a parent was at work (locally) during the day as long as they could be contacted and the children did not need to do any cooking etc, e.g. lunch being sandwiches that the children could make themselves.
Assuming no health or other special needs of course.

There's absolutely no point in speculating about anything. Wait for op to flesh it out a bit maybe?

I do however disagree with any children spending all day at the pub regularly unless there are lots of other kids there for them to socialise with. I also think that they need a key and a way to contact their mum. Could she not get you to look after them when she wants to go to the pub?

I leave my 15 year d looking after her nine year old sister in the evenings not to go out socially but to visit my twins when they were in special care. However the issue of responsibility is the same and I think 14 is old enough yes. Although I think any more than once a week is unfair on both children.

Sorry left not leave??.

In answer to your second question about walking home from pub whilst mother continues drinking I think
It is morally wrong but perfectly legal.

Alita, I don't like to see kids at a pub all day. But as long as they are ebing supervised, SS would never intervene.

The babysitting is ok, everything else isn't.

Sorry if I appear to be drip feeding. That's not what I meant to do I was just trying to cut to the chase without boring everyone with my problem.

Yes they are my children and yes she is very unapproachable. I'm concerned because the 14 (stepson) isn't mature enough on my eyes to look after my daughter by himself. I only find out about these events after they happen .

Can you tell your ex that you'll have your daughter if she's going out?

Is she an alcoholic? It all seems a bit chaotic. Speak to your children about it properly.

A 14 and 9 year old are fine to leave at home. I'd think I'd done my job wrong if I couldn't trust kids of that age to stay out of bother for a few hours.

The drinking all night on a regular basis is a whole different issue.

It sounds like two separate issues. On the one hand, a 14 YO babysitting a 9YO is perfectly fine IMO. I was babysitting children I barely knew at that age, and will allow nieces and nephew's to babysit DD when they're old enough too.

Reasons for babysitting are usually irrelevant, and I wouldn't normally turn my nose up about someone having a babysitter so that they can socialise occasionally, but this sounds like a regular and not very nice pattern...

I don't think its right to leave them for any length of time and certainly not late at night.
I would worry if one of them became ill, or something happened.
What if the 14 year old wasn't responsible with caring for a 9 year old.
Also, I wouldn't trust the 9 year old to do as they were told from an older sibling.
For me it isn't right, but others may have no problem with this.
I would obviously consider a one off to pop to the shop etc but no more than 30 mins.
Yes, you are welcome.

A responsible 14year old isn't a problem, and lots of parents leave there children in the care of 14year old babysitters that they are not related to on a regular basis for a number of reasons.
If your concerns are real and founded surly it would make sense for you as the father to offer child care especially if you know this happens regular.

As to walking home from the pub alone how far is it? Was it late at night? You need to be clearer,
The window climbing again did mum know? You said you knew after the fact maybe she wasn't aware the child never had his key?
Think is very judgemental to blame the mother without full facts. She maybe in the wrong but this maybe a simple case of trust and the 14year old not wanting to break the trust of his mother and not telling her he had no key

Just wondering what the outcome of this post was. Taking in the details of this particular situation, I would of been very concerned for the childrens welfare and I would have reported the mother to nspcc.

my 14yr old babysits my 8yr old. They usually just watch a film! I don't go to the pub as I go for a run.

But the reason is irrelevant I guess.