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Original poster

Son was not invited to best friends bday, apparently because my ds might not like paintball??

43 replies

lolato · 02/06/2014 17:08

Found out on fb that ds best friend had a paintball birthday party. Was really annoyed that my ds did not get invited, especially as the other 6 boys invited were not any closer than my ds. Today at school, one mum mentioned the party to the mum who organised it so I thought that could be a good time to discuss it.. I said, oh really he had a party? She said yes sorry didn't invite ur son as first couldn't invite everyone and second thought ur son might not like it... Was very hurt by it as I tend to invite him more than others (although haven't had a play date since Easter) . Aibu to be hurt!?? I replied back that ds might have liked it but never mind... Didn't know et to say... How would u have reacted??

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MaryPoppinsBag · 02/06/2014 17:11

Don't take it to heart these things happen. My son was once not invited to a party because he beat the boy at a race the day the birthday invitations were written!
He's missed a few others too, of children who he is quite friendly with.

The best thing you can do is teach them not to get too upset about things like this. I always have a maximum budget for parties and lines have to be drawn somewhere.

Stripytop · 02/06/2014 17:13

This is hard, and has happened to my dd. it might be for a number of reasons but there's nothing you can do about it all.

Don't over examine or beat yourself up about it. Just best to let it go and maintain your dignity.

GreenShadow · 02/06/2014 17:18

Difficult - but paintballing is VERY expensive and the fact that you said your DS 'might' have liked it, makes me think that they didn't want to waste the money on someone who might have hated it and refused to take part?

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lolato · 02/06/2014 17:19

Thanks for ur replies... I am quite friendly with his mum and am very surprised she did it... I feel so sorry for my son and as you said keep wondering what I did??
Ds is actually v upset that I do not want to do a bday party for him now ... Feel so guilty!! Wanted to invite only his 2 best friends including him but now can't be bothered.. How do u explain this to ds?? I praised him for his understanding but at the same time I cannot be like him... And I am an adult!! Please advise

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Original poster
lolato · 02/06/2014 17:21

Green shadow I actually said he would have liked it... But she can afford to pay for 6 other kids! I know we all have a budget, I appreciate this but they are v good friends, I would have appreciated if she mentioned it to me rather than posting on fb!!

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Original poster
lolato · 02/06/2014 17:23

How should I behave towards her now? I left v annoyed earlier...wish I did not show my feelings but too late

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LIZS · 02/06/2014 17:25

Suspect what she meant was he drew up a shortlist and they picked those who they knew would enjoy it most. Don't punish your ds by not having his party . How old are they btw ?

GreenShadow · 02/06/2014 17:26

I agree - she should have mentioned it to you.

DS3 was desperate to go to Thorpe Park for his birthday a couple of years ago. His then best friend hated anything scary and I know he wouldn't have gone on the rides. I therefore had a quiet chat with his mum, who luckily agreed that there was no point taking him. His mum spoke to her DS who agreed that he wouldn't like it so all parties concerned were aware of the situation. We ended up taking her DS out for a pizza with us on the day of DS's birthday instead, so I hope he didn't feel too left out.

Perfectlypurple · 02/06/2014 17:26

You don't want to do a party for your ds because he wasn't invited to a party? That sounds ridiculous to me. I don't think you can explain it other than how it is.

CPtart · 02/06/2014 17:27

Bear in mind the boys may not be be quite as good friends as you may think/like. Just because you are quite friendly with his mum doesn't mean your boys will be the same. Friendships do change over time as I have learnt from experience, and as children grow become more difficult to be manufactured. Maybe her DS was told he could pick x number children to his party and he did simply that.

Stripytop · 02/06/2014 17:28

You didnt do anything, but You can't let perceived slights by other mums affect plans for your ds's birthday.

Had you made plans for ds's birthday before this happened? If so, you should stick to them and let ds invite who he wants.

You can't pick your kids friends for them.

I also think that it doesn't always follow that you have to be friends with the parents, just because your ds is friends with the child.

Sparklingbrook · 02/06/2014 17:30

My DS didn't get invited to a bowling party once because the parents were worried he would win. Confused

In your situation I would arrange a paintballing party for your DS but not invite hers.

BalloonSlayer · 02/06/2014 17:32

So your DS wasn't invited to a party and is OK about it but you're not so you want to cancel his party?

What's the matter with you?

QuintessentiallyQS · 02/06/2014 17:35

How old are the children, but more importantly how old are you?

So, your son was not invited to a birthday party, so to punish him you cant be bothered to make a party for you son. Confused
That is very immature of you.

To be honest, my son has had 3 paintball parties, and been to a few. At that age they discuss parties with their friends, and one of my sons friends said that he would not enjoys such a thing so he would not be upset if he went along without him.
Another friend of my son is not "there" either, so son told me this boy would not enjoy it, so we did not invite him. I accidentally texted his mum about the party as he has the same name as another boy in class, and she was fine about it, said she would not have let him go even so it was allright by her.

I think you are a teeny bit ridiculous.

Stripytop · 02/06/2014 17:36

How should I behave towards her now?

Honestly, I think you should save face by apologising for challenging her on this.

And maybe hide her on facebook.

Guaranteed, at some point this will happen again, and you may even have to do it. You need to find a way to deal with this.

I mean this nicely.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 02/06/2014 17:37

Eh? Your going to cancel your ds party because he didn't get a invite to someone else's?

Poor ds Sad

stealthsquiggle · 02/06/2014 17:39

So your DS is being more mature about this than you are, and you want to cancel his party ConfusedHmm?

Let him have his party and let him invite whoever he wants to FGS.

MaryWestmacott · 02/06/2014 17:53

OP - has it occurred to you that while your DS considers the birthday boy to be his best friend, the birthday boy might have closer friends? Granted it's different because my DS is younger, but at his last party, I had 10 places at a soft play place, couldn't invite everyone. I asked him who from his pre-school he wanted me to invite, and I asked them. Thing is, I know that left out a boy who's mum had told me he goes home and talks about my DS all the time, that my DS is his best friend etc. My DS likes and plays with this boy, but doesn't consider him to be his best friend and didn't mention him when I asked for his list of friends (and I asked about 3 times to be certain).

It could be the mum is trying to save your feelings by saying she didn't think your DS would like the activity, when infact, she had 6 places, asked her DS who he wanted and he wanted someone else over your DS. At that point, do you put your relationship with the parent first, or invite who your child asked you to?

Still throw your DS's party. Stop overreacting. Once you get past whole class parties, you have to accept there's going to be lots of things your DS isn't invited to.

Original poster
lolato · 02/06/2014 18:22

To make the records straight: D's is turning 8. No I wasn't going to do a party just a play date on his bday. Also his friend apparently had explained to my D's that ds was not invited as he is too small( in height) and yes they r very good friends as they play together everyday.

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LIZS · 02/06/2014 18:24

Was he too small ? ds went to a laser party once (aged about 9) and found the equipment heavy going .

Original poster
lolato · 02/06/2014 18:24

Oh also the mum did say her son wanted to invite my son but she couldn't for the above reasons

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doziedoozie · 02/06/2014 18:27

The DM of the friend might have invited the DCs who have snotty DMs who might have taken offence at their pDSs not being invited.

So because you are a nice reasonable person she decided to risk offending you rather than the others.

Original poster
lolato · 02/06/2014 18:28

Thanks doozie don't think it's that but u r sweet

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QuintessentiallyQS · 02/06/2014 18:28

They need be 8 to do paintballing, so your ds was too young to go.

I think the other family was not keen to put you in a position where they ask you to LIE on the parental consent forms.

It is to do with the public liability insurance of the provider, etc.

Not sure what your problem is.

So, you are not cancelling a birthday party. You have not arranged a party, only wanted to do a playdate?

Original poster
lolato · 02/06/2014 18:29

Thanks but three of them were not 8

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