Someone cheer me up please with stories of successful 5+ years age gaps!

[Metalhead]

I've got DD who is 4 in June and we've been ttc #2 for almost a year. Had a mmc in February, and just got another BFN this morning, and with every month that passes I worry that by the time I might eventually be able to give her a sibling the age gap will be so big they'll grow up leading completely separate lives.

Does anyone have any encouraging stories of big age gaps, whether it be among DC or with your own siblings? Even if they don't play much together as children, is it still possible they'll be close later on in life? I'm just feeling really down today so would be nice to hear big gaps aren't all that bad...

I have a seven year gap between ds1 and 2.

I was so worried about it, but have been so pleasantly surprised by the loveliness of the gap. The older one is so helpful, fetching nappies, entertaining his brother, and it is so sweet hearing his voice just for babies!

When ds2 was newborn older ds was totally entranced by his baby brother and just wanted to cuddle him and love him up. When he was about 6 months old, I would hear him wake up, but before I got to him ds1 would dash into my bedroom and pick up his baby brother and tell him: we have everything you need, there's no need to be sad, mommy is coming, there there. It used to melt my heart!

Now ds2 is 18 mo, ds1 reads to him, plays with him and is generally lovely with him.

I try and make time for ds1 on his own too, because his sedate, singleton life has been turned upside down, but he really doesn't seem to mind!

Best of luck ttc, hope it happens soon for you.

We have 5 years in between all 3 of ours and it works fine. In fact it's easier I think because we missed out on the toddler/baby hard work and it was so much easier to explain to them that they're going to have a baby sibling.
As for separate lives, not really. My eldest is 13, then we have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and they are still quite involved in each other's lives to an extent but are separate and independent enough to make life a little smoother.

There is five years between me and my older sister. Growing up she was very motherly in a way (and bossy!) but we spent quite a lot of time together and got along. When she was a teenager she would take me out on day trips and take me shopping for clothes, which was great! When we hit our 20s the age gap just wasn't relevant anymore and we are very close.

My DDs are 4.5 years apart in age, but because of where their birthdays fall in the school year, 5 whole school years apart.

DD1 started school just as I had DD2. It was perfect! DD1 was busy and happy, and I had lots of time with the new baby.

We get the occasional spat now they're 15 and 10 (mainly the 10 year old wanting to join in with 15 year old and friends) but most of the time they are brilliant together. In fact this morning as I was getting ready I could hear them talking in the kitchen and actually felt a bit choked as I realised that they now have a relationship which is all about them and not me! It was so nice to hear them chatting and laughing, and helping each other make their packed lunches.

When they were younger we often split up as a family, e.g. DH would take DD1 swimming while I stayed home with DD2. In fact it still happens - I take DD1 to the theatre/cinema a lot, and DD2 stays at home with her dad and does sport/ swimming / gaming with him. Family holidays are great as DD1 is old enough and sensible enough to take DD2 with her into town etc while we do nothing.

DD1 is quite protective of her sister generally.

I have never regretted the age difference.

11 & 9 yo dcs love their 1 year old brother to bits. They're a great help too & very proud/protective of their little brother. With just over 2 years between the oldest two they get on well.

3.5 years between me & my sister - we annoyed the hell out of each other growing up.

IME the best combos are either very close in age (so very shared development/interests) or much bigger agegaps (5 years+) so they're all doing their own things.

dps brother is 9 years younger - at times I think it felt to BIL it was as if there were 3 parents, but they get on fine now, though aren't particularly close due to geographic distance, when they do meet up they quickly revert to being kids. There's a lot of good natured one upmanship as well.

There are 7 years between me and my younger sisters (twins); I can honestly say they are my best friends, we are so close.

When they were born, I was old enough to understand what was going on and adored playing mum!

There were stages when we were not that close, mainly during my teenage years, but from the time they were around 14 we've just got closer and closer.

I benefitted from having seven years with my parents to myself, and they then had a lot of time with them as babies as I was at school.

I know someone with an 11 year age gap and that seems to work well, with the older one being very protective of their younger sibling.

Love this thread. I have a six yr old and desperately want another.

There's 4 yrs between me and my nearest brother and we don't get on at all. My other brothers are 7 and 12 yrs younger and we get on brilliantly. I was like a second mother to my youngest brother. Absolutely love him to bits.

DS and DD 5 yr 8 mo apart,with DD being the oldest - they have always got on,played together,and still get on and choose to spend time together now DD is out of her teens.

There is 11 years between me and my brother and it's brilliant he has always looked out for his little sister, he taught me to drive, how to do DIY and he warned any unsuitable boys away!

There is 8 years between my brothers 2 boys and they get on really well except at the minute because the eldest is doing his GCSE's and the 8 year old wants to play.

My BIL and SIL have 2 girls with a 6 year age gap which wasn't through choice due to having IVF for both but they are a lovely age gap.

There's 10 years between my Dad and his brother and 11 between my Dad and his sister. They have always been extremely close and good friends. My uncle is currently staying with my Dad for 3 months.

I am friends with 2 sisters who are 5 years apart and I have never seen siblings who are better friends in adulthood. They are both in their thirties now and are much, much closer than I am with my sisters who are both much nearer to me in age. They really are best friends.

My DDs were 7 and 12 when their little brother was born. They adored him from the start. It was great as they were both at school during the day so didn't really notice how much attention he was getting. They were so helpful - DD1 was quite a dab hand with a nappy change and when DS was older she would watch him while he splashed in the bath too.

DD1 is now away at university and DS really misses her - but it is lovely to see them together when she is home. The bond between DD2 and DS is also very strong but I now have a footy mad, very active 7 year old and a walking bowl of hormone soup teenager trying to study for GCSEs - not always the best combination.

I'm from a very large family and have brothers and sisters that are 12+ years older than me. We are close - the age difference actually narrows once everyone is an adult.

My sister has 4 years between hers. She loved it. Each baby got full attention all day as oldest was at school when next baby arrived. The boys (5&9) now get on very well too.
Good luck with a BFP

Thank you so much everyone, your lovely stories have brought a tear to my eye! (Bloody pre-AF hormones...)

I will dust myself off and continue ttc with the knowledge that it is not the end of the world if we end up with a bigger than expected gap. (And that it might in fact work out quite well, if we are lucky enough to eventually have another.)

There is exactly 5 years between my DD's. It's early days, as DD2 is only 4 months old, but so far they adore each other.

Dd1 was brilliant when I was pregnant and is besotted with her baby sister.

Dd2 beams at Dd1 more than anyone else. It's lovely.

I have a 4.5 year age gap and it's worked really well. DS2 adores his brother and tells every one that DS1 is his best friend. DS1 (whilse he gets irritated by his toddler brother occasionally hijacking his toys etc) is brilliant and sweet with him. They are so close. They have their own little world and seeing them cuddling and chatting is so beautiful.

My friend has an 8 year old and a 1 year old and it's working out great for them. There is no jealousy and the older child has been really good at getting involved but still able to have his own life and entertain himself when his mum is distracted with the baby.

Another friend has just had a baby and has an 11 year gap. She's finding it really good that her DS1 is able to go to friends houses and not feel pushed out by the new baby, he's independent to a certain extent and is really gentle and good at feeding and holding his little brother.

I think it depends entirely upon personalities and every family is different but larger age gaps can definitely work.

There's 5 years between me and my sister. We are really close and meet up every week to go shopping and swimming etc.

There are only 18 months between her and my brother and they don't get on at all. Age gap isn't everything!

A sibling is for life, not just for childhood!

Thanks again ladies, this has made me feel much better!

Friends of ours have a 13 & 18 yr old (boy&girl)we've known them for 10 years and the kids have a fabulous bond. Yeah sometimes they fight, wind each other up and find each other annoying sometimes but they also make an awesome team & are great friends
I've always held hope that if we do end up with a no.2 that ours will get on as well our DS is 6 so it will be a big gap if it works out.

I love this thread too. Thanks for starting it OP! :) I have one DS 5.5 and DH and I want to start TTC in the next year or so. I always wanted a close age gap so it's nice to hear it can be good with a large one :)

I loved being 6 years older than my baby brother :) I got to help out and all that sort of thing :)

There's 7 years between my DSs and I'm constantly surprised at how well they get on with each other. DS1 loves playing with DS2s toys with him and they spend hours playing with lego together (they're 4 & 11).

I was really worried when I was pregnant that they'd have totally separate lives but I'm not worried anymore

Not sure why I was worried though as I'm 4 years older than my brother and we've always been very close.

I have three boys, 17, 12 and 6. So 5 years between each and ten years between oldest and youngest. The older one adores the youngest and give versa they have a wonderful relationship. The younger two spend lots of time together and are close and also aurge plenty! I don't think the age gaps have a negative effect. I am concerned that when the eldest leaves for uni next year the youngest will miss him a lot. Pretty normal stuff :-)

There's 7 years between ds and dd, and we started trying for dd when ds had just turned one. I had the same worries as you, that it was going to be too big a gap, but so far my fears have been unfounded. DD will be 4 months old tomorrow, so we're still relatively new at having two children, but so far ds dotes on dd and she adores him too. As he's a little bit older ds is a huge help, it's so nice to have a very willing extra pair of hands
I also love the thought that we had seven wonderful years just devoted to ds before dd came along, and that when ds is old enough to be off to uni etc we will have that time with dd too. It increases the years having children/a child at home so that makes me happy
I was talking to the mum of a friend of mine this evening, and she told me that there's 8 years between her and her brother, and how they are really close. It's always nice to hear stories like that
Good luck with the ttc!