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Original poster

Leaving baby overnight for first time

47 replies

Booklover81 · 20/05/2014 00:52

Hi, not sure if this is in the right talk topic but wasnt sure where to post...

Back in aug 12 we booked flights and a hotel to a wedding we have been invited to in aug this year. At the time i had no idea i was pg!

Anyways... I am now 40±2 and we had completely forgotten about it until we got invites to the stag and hen dos!

By the time of the wedding the baby will be at least 3 months old and im not intending to ebf. I just dont know whether we should still go. In laws have said they would be happy to take lo and i know oh really wants to go... We would be away for 2 nights, weds evening to fri afternoon

What are you opinions on this / personal experiences of leaving baby for first time? How old where they and how long were you away?

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Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 01:41

Oh this is a tough one.

I reckon many parents would be fine about doing this but at the same time there will be shocked mothers at the mere thought of it

My baby is 2 months old and I absolutely can't bear to be away from him for any amount of time. My DH took him out for 2 hours the other day and I was very anxious....I couldn't stop thinking about my baby and whether he was ok. He obviously was because he was with his dad but the separation anxiety was still there. I just wanted him home and with me.

The very first time we were separated it was only for 45 minutes and I will admit that I was in tears over it. I think there can be a very strong urge in women to be with their baby, an innate desire to protect them. Also, at 3 months I'd imagine your baby would be upset at being separated from you for such a long period of time.

There is no way I'd be able to leave my baby at that age but like I said, others probably could and that's fine too, there is no right or wrong as to what to do in this situation.

my guess is that even if you did go you wouldn't be able to enjoy yourself at all and would absolutely hate being away from your baby

GingerRodgers · 20/05/2014 02:57

It really varies from person to person
My friend has done it when her ds was 3 months old whereas my dd is 2 and still hasn't slept away from me can't imagine anyone else would put up with her

redcaryellowcar · 20/05/2014 04:05

i personally couldn't leave my ds overnight at that age. ds as 2 before we went away for a night to a local hotel.

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ThaneOfScunthorpe · 20/05/2014 04:18

It's sooo personal. I think you won't have a clue until the baby arrives.

Personally, I found three months too small. At five months we went away for a night and left the baby with MIL, who I trusted completely, but it did feel a bit weird and we didn't do it again for almost another year.

georgie22 · 20/05/2014 04:43

Personally I wouldn't have left either of mine overnight at 3 months. I was surprised when I had my first baby just how strong my urge was to be with her. I remember my mom taking her a walk in the pram and me looking out of the window anxiously, waiting for them to return, despite knowing she was perfectly safe. I was exactly the same second time round with ds. I'm not sure you will want to go once your baby is here.

However saying that dh's nephew and his partner have a 3 week old and dh's sister (so baby's gran) took him out shopping for the whole afternoon on Saturday whilst baby's mom went shopping. I guess not everyone is the same but I found it was a very strong pull to be with my baby.

purplemurple1 · 20/05/2014 06:53

I went away with work for 3 nights at 3 month's leaving him with his Dad which was fine.
I'd just say if your going to make sure your in-laws have time with him beforehand to learn his quirks and crys.
We also found having a routine set up before very useful.

FromagePlease · 20/05/2014 07:04

Again, it will depend entirely on how you feel.

Personally we left our baby for a night at 2 months and again at 4m, and I have had several evenings/days out too.

I won't deny that I didn't miss her and wasn't happy to see her again, but I didn't struggle to leave her, I knew she'd be fine. The first time (a few hours at 3 weeks) was the hardest but now I don't worry about it as long as I know she's in safe hands.

Can you explain to the bride and groom, ask if you can give them an update a few weeks before?

17leftfeet · 20/05/2014 07:18

Is there no way you can take your baby with you?

I left mine at 4 months for a conference (pre dates long maternity leave and I was back at work at 10 weeks)

She was fine, I was a bag of nerves!

lighteningmcmama · 20/05/2014 07:28

Why can't baby go with you?

Artandco · 20/05/2014 07:30

I would. I ebf but still had to leave ds's odd night here and there due to work. ( returned after 8 weeks). Ds1 was 12 weeks I think so same age when dh was away and I had work away overnight. My mother looked after him. Left breast milk, tough idea what we did and he was fine.

Many times they stay with dh alone of course also.

Remember that it's very recent that just mothers are 'supposed' to stay with baby at all times. My granparents say how they always were brought up with whole family and friends working together.

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 07:32

I agree that you should take the baby with you. Have you spoken to the engaged couple about this? I can't imagine any decent person would expect a woman to leave her 3 month old baby??

Artandco · 20/05/2014 07:32

Oh and baby will be fine. It's only if your unhappy. My mother just cuddled them all day, fed, sang to them. She still does and eldest is 4 years!

LostMyPants · 20/05/2014 07:34

I couldn't have left either of mine at that age. DD is 9mo and i cant imagine leaving her any time soon. Especially not for two nights. DS has stayed at his granny's without us twice. He was 2.5 the first time.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 20/05/2014 07:34

Could you take the baby?

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 07:39

Also - you are going abroad. It's not the same as just having a night away where you could be home in a few hours if something were to go wrong. I'm not saying anything will go wrong but it's a long, long way away from the baby.

I once left DS with his grandparents when he was 7 weeks old and that was only because they live on the same street, 10 doors away. He was only there for 45 minutes and it was unbearable, I hated it.

I think you will be surprised when the baby comes at just how much you need them to be with you and how it's almost impossible to be only slightly separated from them.

With me it's not that I don't trust the person caring for them, I know my DS will be safe, but it physically hurts to not be with him.

7to25 · 20/05/2014 07:39

Could you take baby AND grandparents....best of both worlds.

Jinglebells99 · 20/05/2014 07:47

I wouldn't have been able to leave my babies at that age. I would take baby with me or not go.

SquidgersMummy · 20/05/2014 07:53

I couldn't have done it at that age and abroad is different...def take the baby. A baby that age will be no bother at all at a wedding in a sling. I would really try and breastfeed (I would try anyway) as will be so much easier to keep baby happy and quiet on the plane and during the ceremony without anyone realising or seeing a thing.

You really don't realise till you get them how hard they are to leave for a min xxx

Ragwort · 20/05/2014 08:00

I would have done it easily, but only you know how you will feel about it. I have a friend who has only left her children (11 and 9) for one night in that entire time; they are not even allowed to go on sleep overs . Other people happily leave their babies at a few weeks.

I think it would be too much faff/effort to take the baby - can't your DH go alone if you feel you don't want to leave the baby?

Ragwort · 20/05/2014 08:01

You really don't realise till you get them how hard they are to leave for a min - not everyone feels like that - I craved time alone.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed · 20/05/2014 08:01

This thread has reassured me that I'm not mad for being anxious about leaving my DS. Our first night away will be when he is 2 and I'm dreading it. He's not even one yet.

OP I would discuss with the bride and groom and see if you can bring baby.

Grotbagstwin · 20/05/2014 08:06

Everyone is different. I left ds with my Mum when he was 6 weeks, we went to a wedding, I cried a lot on the way but then had a great time, woke up at the crack of dawn to drive home though. He then had sleep overs every month from then.

We left ds to go abroard when he was 2 and I hated every minute it just felt so far away. We are doing it again in a few weeks and hoping it will be better as he is going on holidays too.

lola88 · 20/05/2014 08:08

Ds has been staying at MIL since he was weeks old I love getting some peace when I know he's well cared for by people who love him as much as we do DS loves it too he gets spoilt rotten and gets more attention than at home since when he's there it's all about him :)

Do a tester night before you go to see how you feel it's quite hard being away from them at first but if you trust you in laws then there is no reason not to go. I think it makes me a better mum having me time tbh

Original poster

Booklover81 · 20/05/2014 08:59

Thanks all, i really am just going to have to wait and see how i feel! Its in Ireland so its not as though we can just decide to drive/get train instead. Bride and groom will understand if i pull out and id give them good notice. Adding the baby to the flights means completely rebooking at a much much higher price than we paid last year plus figuring in all of the extra baggage costs... It would be easier to just not go. We went super cheap so non refundable or changeable. I guess there is a chance OH could go alone, we would have to check with airline...

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Original poster

Booklover81 · 20/05/2014 09:04

Lola88, i totally agree with your way of thinking! Its how I WANT to feel plus it would make life soo much easier. Im on leave from work until Feb but I have 10 keeping in touch days where i will have to go in and poss travel overnight. OH is self employed and wouldn't get paid so would be great if baby could feel happy staying with grandparents

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