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Original poster

Leaving baby overnight for first time

47 replies

Booklover81 · 20/05/2014 00:52

Hi, not sure if this is in the right talk topic but wasnt sure where to post...

Back in aug 12 we booked flights and a hotel to a wedding we have been invited to in aug this year. At the time i had no idea i was pg!

Anyways... I am now 40±2 and we had completely forgotten about it until we got invites to the stag and hen dos!

By the time of the wedding the baby will be at least 3 months old and im not intending to ebf. I just dont know whether we should still go. In laws have said they would be happy to take lo and i know oh really wants to go... We would be away for 2 nights, weds evening to fri afternoon

What are you opinions on this / personal experiences of leaving baby for first time? How old where they and how long were you away?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LostMyPants · 20/05/2014 09:05

Babies don't get a seat on the plane. So it might be worth calling the airline to see exactly what their policy would be :)

SweepTheHalls · 20/05/2014 09:08

Have youa asked the airline if you can add a babe in arms?

Ragwort · 20/05/2014 09:09

This thread has reassured me that I'm not mad for being anxious about leaving my DS. Our first night away will be when he is 2 and I'm dreading it. He's not even one yet.

I'm not being sarky but doesn't the possibility of ever having to go into hospital yourself or some other unseen emergency where you might have to leave your child concern you?

My personal view is that I wanted my child to be secure and happy to be left with other people - I feel it is my role as a parent to bring up my child to be independent and to learn that there are other people in his life that can care for him.

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slithytove · 20/05/2014 09:19

I haven't left DS overnight yet, the first time is planned for a fortnight from now... He is 14mo

I'm not shocked at all you are considering it, many families leave bottle fed babies with grandparents at much younger than 3 months. I just think it's not someone you can decide until baby is here! Plus there is your recovery to take into account too, and the adjustment of having a new baby.

I would wait and see for now, presumably the hen do is out? I'm sure the bride and groom would understand if DH had to attend alone.

slithytove · 20/05/2014 09:20

Oh and when I leave DS overnight soon... I'm leaving him with DH! Still not ready for GP to take him.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed · 20/05/2014 09:28

In that case Ragwort, you are a better parent than I am.
I want to be comfortable leaving him with others, but right now I have a lot of anxiety surrounding it and probably issues with control.

LostMyPants · 20/05/2014 09:28

I would leave my children with DH.

slithytove · 20/05/2014 09:35

I can't imagine it would be difficult to add a baby and a bag to an airline booking, it's not like they have a seat, they just sit on you. Also you don't have to take as much stuff as you might think.

Alternatively, I can't see an issue with just DH flying, it's not like it has to be both or none of you, members of a travel group must miss flights all the time.

Is it a child free wedding?

smokeandfluff · 20/05/2014 09:56

Maybe wait until the baby arrives and see how you feel?
I wouldn't have left ds at 12 weeks, but then he was a very refluxy baby and needed a lot of coaxing to take bottles....I would have been too stressed wondering if my mother was managing to get him to drink. However if your baby is more easygoing and settled it may be a different story.
In one way 12 weeks is a good age....older than this they start to notice more and can be more unsettled when in a strange house without mum or dad.

Artandco · 20/05/2014 10:07

Actually like I said I would be happy to leave. It's life here in afraid. However adding baby to flight is very easy as regular sit on your lap until 2 years anyway so you only need to add on flight as free baby passenger, not a new seat etc. baby's can have x2 pieces of baby luggage usually ie cot/ car seat/ pram free if needed. 3 months is easiest time to fly. Milk, nappies and pile of babygrows and your good to go. Buy decent sling ie boba 4g and no need to take pram etc. they sleep usually at this age

Sassyb0703 · 20/05/2014 10:12

Please don't get guilt tripped by anyone. This is about you, not baby, at three months baby will be absolutely fine with anyone they are familiar with, baby might be unsettled for a couple of hours at most ,as long as they are with someone who is a confident carer. The issue is with the mothers and their anxiety, some parents feel a huge amount of guilt leaving their babies/children, as though the deeper the anxiety the better the parent it makes them... whether you leave your baby to go have a stress free relaxing weekend with your dh or decide you don't want to leave baby at this stage is a call for you and you only. it certainly doesn't make you a better/worse mother, at best it will determine if you are going to be an anxious or relaxed mum..for my part, I have left all eight of mine at some stage in their early years, for weekends, (when babies) for week long work courses (when school age ) I thoroughly enjoyed the time with just dh and self, felt not a hint of guilt , and twenty years later none seem to need therapy because of the trauma

whatsagoodusername · 20/05/2014 10:33

I'd have done it. But there's no telling how you'll feel until the baby is here.

We flew with our babies when they were tiny and had to book our flights in pregnancy. We were unable to book the babies until they were born, but there was no trouble adding them to the booking - all it did was increase our baggage allowance . This was British Airways, so not sure how the others do it, but I would suspect none of the others will book unborn babies either - they don't have official names yet or birth dates.

Is it a child-free wedding? If you're uncomfortable leaving baby overnight, could you invite your PIL to come along and watch the baby while you're at the wedding? We have been away with MIL a few times and got connecting rooms. Baby in our room, MIL in her room with the door open, and we just shut the door when we get in. MIL was able to put baby to bed and go to bed herself because she could hear him if he cried.

LostMyPants · 20/05/2014 10:50

There's so much smugness on both 'sides' of this. Whether or not you feel able to leave your baby doesn't make you a better or worse parent.

Original poster

Booklover81 · 20/05/2014 12:12

Oh god no definitely not going to the hen do! For reasons of the costumes they are planning mostly plus lo would only be 5 weeks max and im likely to still be bf at that time. We are going with other couples who are leaving their much older babes behind, i dont think this is a child friendly wedding. I will ask the budget airline but my experience of them in the past is they are less than accommodating.. Not to mention charge the absolute earth to call them. Will be waiting until i visit work and use their phone

OP posts:

Doodle1983 · 20/05/2014 14:44

DS is 16 weeks old and my first baby. I left him with my mum overnight after about 5 weeks. I worried constantu and hardly slept. She lives 5 mins away and brought him back in the afternoon for cuddles. Then offered to take him a second night and I agreed - and I slept! From the. She had him probably once a fortnight. I need the sleep. I'm a better mum when I sleep. I know people at the other end of the scale. Whatever you do will be right for you x

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 20/05/2014 14:51

BookLover you can usually find alternative free phone numbers on saynoto0870.com.

slithytove · 20/05/2014 15:19

Which airline is it booklover? You should be able to log on online to view your booking, and check from there the costs of adding babies and luggage etc.

Again, no point in doing this until bride and groom have okayed the baby coming - though usually babes in arms are more welcome than an older child.

I will say with certainty you don't know how you will feel until the day itself! Which means it might be nice to give B&G the heads up now and see how they respond.

Original poster

Booklover81 · 20/05/2014 15:45

Flybe slithytove. Love that username ref btw. One of my faves!

Wow thaneofscunthorpe thanks! How have i not heard of that before

OP posts:

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 20/05/2014 17:50

You're welcome :)

Flybe:
Assistance for booking unaccompanied children
01392 268506

(loads of other numbers for Flybe on the site if that doesn't work)

TuckingFablet · 21/05/2014 12:23

my dd is nearly 6 months old and the longest she has been away from me is 4 hours with dp.
she was meant to go to pils when she was 8 weeks for the night but I only managed 2 hours without her before asking for her back

it's a pita because I really really would love for her to go to pils overnight just so I can get some rest. I just can't deal with her being away from me

MissWimpyDimple · 21/05/2014 12:30

My baby (now 8) overnight straight away as she was in special care.

Everyone is different, but you have to remember that the baby will be fine, it's you who would potentially suffer!
I had no problem leaving DD with various people and it certainly hasn't and didn't effect our bonding or her health or security!

Cric · 22/05/2014 09:16

We has our LO in March and have the year of weddings, hens and stags! Our first wedding when we leave her she will be 5 months and I didn't want to spend that time worrying about to her and want her to feel comfortable staying with the GP. She has spent a couple of evenings with both sides at our house. A night at one set and a day with the other. I was really nervous in the lead up and when I left her but she had a lovely time with her GPs (they LOVED it!) I could wait to see her for cuddles but I had a wonderful time with my husband and our friends (she was 2 months for her first over night and 3/4 weeks when she was left for a couple of hours). Just do what feels right for you.

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