I know he's only 3 weeks old , but...

[ilovetosleep]

it's really bloody hard.

It's DS2 and I'd really convinced myself I'd have an 'easier' baby second time around. DS1 was a non-sleeping, colicky, refluxy, miserable baby and I suffered severe PND for over a year.

I'm the last in a run of about 8 friends who have just had their second DC and every single last bloody one of them has promised me that second children are chilled out, lie about watching the world and getting on with things because 'they just have to fit in'. I have been at their houses just 1-2 weeks post birth and witnessed their babies drift off in their moses baskets from awake, listening to their older siblings go wild in the same room.

DS2 here on the other hand, is turning out to be just as grumpy as his older brother (who is now a delight). I don't mind the constant feeding, and he actually sleeps ok at night, not brilliantly during the day (wakes after 20 mins of being put down) But when he's awake he's just miserable. Nobody can hold him, he just grunts and writhes and strains and wriggles. He doesn't seem to like being held but cries when we put him down. He's fine when feeding but won't accept the boob unless he's actually hungry, so I am left with these in between periods where I am wrestling with him awake and unable to do anything. DS1 is suffering as a result. People visit and want a cuddle, but he just writhes around in their arms. DH has pretty much given up on trying to settle him but that's understandable as he's totally tied up with DS1 while he's at home. He is very windy, but doesn't seem to be in great pain as he doesn't scream. Just grunts. I'm sure he's overtired too.

Sling is ok but I am still recovering from the birth and last time I gave myself a prolapse from carrying ds 24/7. So I'd like to be able to settle him sitting down for another couple of weeks.

Help. I'm not sure I can do all this again. I don't have the 'luxury' of time this time around and can't pound the pavements with the buggy like I did 3 years ago. DS1 needs me.

How about a dummy for in between feeds? anythings worth a try right?

DS was the same as your 2 and like your oldest is now a delight try to keep that in your mind you know it does get better.

My ds2 was awful til about 6/7 months after that when he could do a bit more he calmed down

How about some dentinox for the wind? OP my heart goes out to you, I'm due dc2 in 6 weeks and DD is 2.7, she was a nightmare baby, windy colicky etc(a delight now though) and I too had PND so I'm starting to feel a lot of dread about this impending arrival.

I was also going to suggest dentinox for the wind. You could also try massaging your baby's tummy using the I L U technique and winding/bicycling his legs in order to release the trapped wind.

In the same boat with a 3 week old. He is writhing about with wind from 6/7 pm until 10 then starts again at 4/5am. Finally manages to pass it at about 6am. I'm bf'ing and enjoying it more this time as DD was so hard to feed (think she may have a slight tongue tie which was never picked up), but considering switching to FF just to get a break! I remember the 3 week mark with DD though and I spent the whole weekend locked in a dark room feeding and crying, so it's better than that so far.

My DS was exactly the same and it turned out to be tongue tie. Might be worth getting it checked out.

Try to be kind to yourself too. Remember that in many cultures you'd still be in bed with your baby. If finances allow, get a cleaner, if its it just for a few weeks. Get a milkman too and do your shopping online.

Oh and have a look on youtube at the 'tiger in the tree hold' and 'Richard and judy happiest baby'. Both are good techniques for soothing newborns

Sounds like reflux to me! Not all babies have the same symptoms so he may present as different to dc1.

I would def recommend a gp app, or at least trialling some gaviscon, although I doubt you be able to buy it over the counter for a 3week old.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I should have said, he did have TT and we had it snipped at 10 days old. Feeding has massively improved although it has taken until now to properly heal and he still gulps air on one side as I think I have very fast let down, as a result his wind is much more in the night and morning when my boobs are fuller.

We have been using infacol since he was one week, not sure if it has really helped, is dentinox the same thing? We really struggle to get a burp out of him especially when he has fed to sleep and I don't want to wake him!

re reflux, I will definitely speak to the GP . I just always thought it would be accompanied by long bouts of screaming like DS1. I have noticed DS2 is quite sicky so might be worth a look. Gaviscon made DS1 very constipated and it was such a faff but if it helps then I'll do it.

re dummy - Its taken so long for bf to become good that i don't wnt to jeopardise it by introducing a dummy to early. I will consider it in a few weeks though if things haven't improved.

thanks for all the input. It helps to feel like I'm not the only one, although I think I might be in my real life!

A lot of babies don't do the screaming thing with reflux.
They can be just miserable all the time, wrigging and moaning, hard ti feed, never get into a deep sleep. Does he hiccup a lot? It's another sign.

Due to dc1 I am sure you are aware that keeping upright after a feed can help, min 20 ins, but the longer the better.

And tongue ties can re tie so worth getting that checked too.

It may also be worth hand expressing a little before a feed when really full, to try to minimise that gulping/air intake effect.

Yes he hiccups loads and gets quite distressed by it. As do I! TT doesn't look or feel like its re formed, and we had to travel very far to get it done ( no one here will acknowledge TT, non UK) so it had better not have reformed!!

Try gripe water once your ds is 28 days old , you can use it alongside infacol/ dentinox.

Sounds like my second baby. She had TT and boy was she miserable :( as was I. She had hers snipped.

To get through it I had to wind her after every single feeds. Even the ones where I didn't think she's taken down air. Or the 3am ones where I was so tired I could barely stay awake. Because if I didn't she'd be writhing etc after 20 mins. Winding could take 20 mins (although easier when she was sleepier).

Infacol and gripe water did nothing (not proven too anyway). She had reflux too and she also had an upper lip tie which contributed to her taking down air. However they don't snip those in the UK. Once she fell and broke her lip tie - the difference in feeding was incredible I noticed it immediately. Sadly this was about 12 months so a bit late!

Anyway I would find ways to wind your baby (lying on their left hand side and stroking their right aides up helped) as this will make a huge difference. Once dd could be more upright in a pushchair it also made a difference - she also napped really well this way too.

It's awful when you can't seem to do anything about it.

Ds1 was medicated and had a reflux wedge and still really suffered unless I had him upright wrapped onto my chest.
When it happened again with #3 I couldn't bear the thought of spending all night pacing and then having a full day with 3 to look after.
As ds1 had a wedge and cot blocks I didn't think similar would work but tried a baby hammock in desperation really - amazing!
It was like the missing piece of the puzzle, I could get on top of pain and trapped wind with medication, massage and carrying but putting them down always caused discomfort and they couldn't sleep.
The baby hammock was actually flatter in angle the the wedge but somehow allowed them to get comfortable.

I nearly wept after the first hour ever of pain free, deep sleep.

Something else to consider. I hope he is much more comfortable soon poor little lamb and you get a break too.

Second the reflux idea
DS spent weeks 1-10 as the most miserable baby that has ever existed (even the HV said that she'd never seen such an unhappy baby). He was either dozing (never slept) or awake and, when awake, nothing made him happy.
The sleep was the worst; he would grunt, moan, writhe, punch pretty much all night. He would wake himself up screaming in pain and the only thing that would soothe him was a dummy and rocking cuddles. Wouldn't eat and we were lucky to get 4 hours of sleep in 24
Finally got the GP to prescribe ranitidine and he is so much happier. He's now 15 weeks and back to being miserable as he's an early teether, but we had 4 lovely weeks!!

DD was diagnosed with silent reflux at two weeks old.

She was prescribed Gaviscon and it literally cleared up within days.

Get checked for reflux. My son was like that (he's 15 weeks now) and was diagnosed with silent reflux - he's been sick once since he was born, never possetts - and has been much better since he's been on ranitidine. We tried gaviscon to start with but it didn't work for him.

I've always found dentinox far better for bringing up wind. I'd try and get the wind up if you can, even if he's asleep. He won't sleep properly if he's windy and then will feed poorly because he's tired and it's a bit of a vicious circle. I had that with my daughter.

I loved the tummy tub for wind. ds would loose it at both ends in there.

Grunting is a recognised sign of reflux -definitely see your doctor

rabbit dd used to turn her tummy tub into a mini jacuzzi with all the trumping

OP did you know that tt can regrow? Might be worth getting it checked again

Sorry I haven't been back for a few days. It's been a rough week.

Saw GP, she was a bit dismissive of reflux idea and only advised colic drops and vigorous winding. As if I haven't already. She did say she'd think about gaviscon at his 6 week check though if things haven't improved.

We also saw cranial osteo who said he had a little tension in his head but nothing too severe, I'll see her again in a fortnight. Also she suggested cutting out dairy but not sure I can face that. Tbh the only milk I have is 2x tea a day plus cake once a day ;)

We just had a terrible 24 hrs, he just feeds, falls asleep and then spends an hour fitfully sleeping interspersed with screeches, grunts and yelps, and then wakes for another feed. He's constantly miserable. I thought 4 wk old babies would have a few short bursts of alert happy awake time, but mine is just miserable the whole time he's awake. No happy moments kicking on a playmat. It makes it so hard on ds1 who is nearly 3.

Re TT, not sure if you saw my earlier post jilted but I don't think TT has reformed, and if it has there's not a lot I can do about it we had to travel a very very long way to get it looked at and cut, and that is going to be very difficult to repeat. There's noone where we live that acknowledges TT (non UK)

But, I do have very fast flow and poss over supply, which he really struggles with and gulps lots of air. Our worst times are during the morning. I'm sure the gas builds up inside through the night when my boobs are fuller and faster, then we suffer the consequences all morning. He then conks out for hours from around 11am when he's all cried out.

I'm really struggling and can't see that this will ever end, although I know it will. I truly believed things would be easier 2nd time, that I couldn't possibly have 2 difficult babies. So stupid of me...

OP sorry to hear things aren't good. TBH when I went through this with DD the knly relief she got was when I stopped bfing and put her on comfort milk. It changed her from a desperately unhappy baby to one that was definitely more settled. To this day I can't figure out why my breastmilk caused her so much discomfort, she wasn't dairy/lactose intolerant, possibly it was tongue tie.

anyeay I'm not suggesting for a moment that you give up feeding, I just hope that you are able to find some sort of solution to this, I am fully expecting that my next baby will be a nightmare, only consolation is that they tend to turn into well behaved toddlers :)

If you have over supply then try block feeding. But I would strongly recommend the tie is looked at again because TT can partly regrow or if a posterior then may not have been fully snipped.

Does he have an upper lip tie? Another thing to check. This will mean his latch is poor
You sound exactly like I did with my second. We had tongue tie and oversupply to contend with.

To tackle the over supply I block fed - basically fed from one boob and only swapped sides every other feed.

I also winded (gently not vigorously) after every single feed. Best position was lying dd on her left across my lap, supporting her head then rubbing her side towards her head.

I would also see another gp.

Plus a dummy. Took a few goes but she got the idea one day when in a sling and I couldn't stop to feed her. I used a nuk (can get them from chemists but not widely).