I know he's only 3 weeks old , but...

[ilovetosleep]

it's really bloody hard.

It's DS2 and I'd really convinced myself I'd have an 'easier' baby second time around. DS1 was a non-sleeping, colicky, refluxy, miserable baby and I suffered severe PND for over a year.

I'm the last in a run of about 8 friends who have just had their second DC and every single last bloody one of them has promised me that second children are chilled out, lie about watching the world and getting on with things because 'they just have to fit in'. I have been at their houses just 1-2 weeks post birth and witnessed their babies drift off in their moses baskets from awake, listening to their older siblings go wild in the same room.

DS2 here on the other hand, is turning out to be just as grumpy as his older brother (who is now a delight). I don't mind the constant feeding, and he actually sleeps ok at night, not brilliantly during the day (wakes after 20 mins of being put down) But when he's awake he's just miserable. Nobody can hold him, he just grunts and writhes and strains and wriggles. He doesn't seem to like being held but cries when we put him down. He's fine when feeding but won't accept the boob unless he's actually hungry, so I am left with these in between periods where I am wrestling with him awake and unable to do anything. DS1 is suffering as a result. People visit and want a cuddle, but he just writhes around in their arms. DH has pretty much given up on trying to settle him but that's understandable as he's totally tied up with DS1 while he's at home. He is very windy, but doesn't seem to be in great pain as he doesn't scream. Just grunts. I'm sure he's overtired too.

Sling is ok but I am still recovering from the birth and last time I gave myself a prolapse from carrying ds 24/7. So I'd like to be able to settle him sitting down for another couple of weeks.

Help. I'm not sure I can do all this again. I don't have the 'luxury' of time this time around and can't pound the pavements with the buggy like I did 3 years ago. DS1 needs me.

Unfortunately the tongue tie is not something that can be looked at. But I've had a good rummage around under his tongue and can't find any obstruction. Where I live there are no hcps who acknowledge TT and I had DS's snipped while visiting family in London last week - I don't live in the uk and catching another flight in these early days is just too much, financially and emotionally! How can I see myself if there is a posterior tie? Because I might be more willing to think about it if I was certain. The tie that was cut was 100% - right to the tip of the tongue and very very obvious. His tongue has good movement now.

Re block feeding I have considered it but was advised to wait until after 6-8 weeks to allow supply to calm down naturally first as I wouldn't want to risk lowering supply so early on. And I was also told that fast let down is nt necessarily indicative of over supply - how do i know if I have over supply or just a fast let down?

I think he does have an upper lip tie but as far as I can tell pretty much no one will cut one of those?

Tbh I think the latch issue is mainly to do with the flow because he is totally fine feeding from The left, and the right is the one with the fast flow. I can eat him gulping air as he pulls back just on that side. He is much more distressed after a feed from the right. And other than that, latch is pain free and looks perfect from the outside? A world away from before the TT was cut...

In that case when feeding from the right I would try using the rugby hold so holding him as if he was on your left boob. My dd was similar and she ended up only using the right in the end!

If just a fast let down, try taking him off just after he starts feeding and catch the excess in a muslin then back on when it slows down after a fewsecs.

If over supply then you feel full a lot and never really get softer boobs. But as you say your supply may settle down in a week or two.

The upper tie could be contributing - when dd fell and broke hers (they don't snip them in the UK) her feeding massively improved. Her top lip never really flanged properly so I could see it was affecting her feeds.

Not sure how to check the tie - but sounds like it was pretty severe :( I will have a quick Google.

this website is good

Have you also tried putting him down after he's been asleep for 20 mins for naps? In a deep sleep then. Also another option is to swaddle. But being only a few weeks old they do want more holding

You aren't in Ireland by any chance?

How does he get on with wind if you feed him lying down with you both on your sides? I know that is probably totally unpractical with your DC1 to take care of, but just wondering if he is calmer at all that way and less gulpy.

I'd also say swaddle if you don't want to use the sling too much. Swaddle, blast of white noise/classical music on radio, wait 20 mins and put down. Or - sounds a bit silly but - could you get a rocking chair from anywhere? maybe you could sit grimly rocking in it.

Ah, OP, I do feel for you, I'm sure you've tried everything that could possibly work. I only have 1 but am pregnant with DC2 and fully expecting it to go the same way, which is to say, exactly like your pair. Hope it eases up soon.

Have you tried the laid back position for BFing - may help with fast let down?

was he born early or small?

lip tie usually goes hand in hand with a posterior tie... are there any private LCs where you are who could check? posterior TT is v hard to see without being qualified to check.

Hi op. My dd has tongue & lip tie. Very few surgeons will do anything about a lip tie. My ds also had a lip tie. It was operated on ladt month, he's 6!

My dc4 was like your ds. Like you I spent weeks trying to find ways of managing & improving the situation.

In the end I was prescribed anti depressants!

My way of coping was a very strict routine. This was 9 years ago so more popular then. He still cried but it was more manageable iykwim.

It's about coping the best you can. It's bloody horrible when you've got such a difficult baby. It's very isolating as everyone else seems to be coping fine with their quiet easy baby's.

I know this isn't much help right now but it does get better. Be kind to yourself. X