Is going from 1 to 2 children much harder than having first?

[PickledSprout]

Am pregnant with DC 2 and everyone seems very eager to tell me how much more difficult adjusting to life with two children will be. Much harder than having your first apparently. Does this ring true? I am suffering with morning sickness at the moment and already feel like a rubbish mum to DC1 who wants to play with me while I vomit!

Still found it easier despite DS2 having severe reflux and not sleeping through the night til age 2...

No, not imo. You've already made that massive shift from non-parent to parent and your life has already changed. You know how to do the practical stuff like change a nappy or give a child a bath which I was absolutely clueless about before DS1. You have friends and acquaintances who have children too which means that your social life has adapted to parenthood too. None of my close friends had children before I had DS1.

On the other hand I knew how hard it was to have months of interrupted sleep and to have responsibility for a tiny creature whose communication skills were limited which I wasn't looking forward to when expecting DS2 although I also knew I could cope.

It seems to me though, that if your first child was particularly hard work (non-sleeper in my case) chances are that your second will be a bit easier so the transition from 1 to 2 is probably not going to be as bad as you think. On the other hand, if your first was easy, chances are your second won't be and that is when I have seen parents poleaxed by the arrival of a second child.

I reckon, although I only have 2 who are 3 yrs and 7 weeks apart, that the biggest jump is when you no longer have man to man marking, i.e. a single parent going from 1 to 2 children or a couple going from 2 to 3 children. When you get to the point where there is more than one child per adult in the house you are going to get your tricky moments.

Good luck OP. Whatever happens you'll get through it because you love em.

1-2 easy 2-3 really struggled, it just depends what your kids like, DD! strongwilled, DD2 completely different, was so good i can barely remember her as a toddler. DD3 was strongwilled, loud, and very sure of herself, constant;y fights with her sisters and fights me every step of the way, it just gets worse the older she gets

And agree, with big bobbied, i am became a single parent whilst pg with dd3 so it was obiously more difficult because i am outnumbered 3-1

1>2 was really hard for us, 2>3 a cinch. In fact it got easier when no 3 came along because the older two vied with each other to entertain her.

Mine are 2yr 11m gap, so almost the same as you.

I found 0 -1 overwhelming, I had pnd and reflux baby; the change to 2 was fine. I had more confidence and was not as uptight as the first time, my eldest was eager to help and happy to have a baby brother.

As they've got older, it's been a juggling act with clubs etc but I love that they've got each other - it has made it easier on me as they don't expect my undivided attention all the time ; a 3 yr old can entertain a baby on the playmat so you can have a coffee while it's still hot!

Yes it's hard in the sense of having to juggle everything more carefully such as co-ordinating nap times, getting two ready to leave the house at the same time and one decides to poop so it's all hands on deck out of buggy nappy change back into buggy etc kind of thing.
Keeping an eye on two crawlers (or one bumshuffler and a crawler in my case) is harder.

If possible having an age gap where one will be at nursery whilst the baby's at home is ideal. Remember with two you may not have one magical afternoon nap times with your baby anymore as the older one may not want or need naps at the same time, or at all. Or baby nap times were a precious opportunityt to recharge your own batteries whilst he slept.

But all the rest of it you already know so you'll breeze through the emotional and practical stuff. If your other child is old enough they'll enjoy
helping you running for wipes and nappies and so on.

Check your metabolism. I noticed after my first baby (age 38) my body shape pinged back ok quickly and I still had the same energy as before. After baby two (aged 40) everything just went to pot. Body, skin, energy, patience. It must have been a metabolism thing due to my age, I don't know. So keep your healthy eating and vitamins up!

If I had a choice I'd have stopped at one for financial, mental, logisitical reasons but gorblimey my second was a son and I have to say the cutest on the planet .

Well, we're one week into it and so far it's not too bad. Adjusting to the interrupted sleep and losing the me time in the evenings is hard, but feel so much more confident about how to handle a newborn. Ds is 2.7 and coping well so far, although I need to ensure that I'm spending time with him alone, which can be hard when I'm knackered and just want to cuddle the baby.

I am slightly dreading dh going back to work however... If it helps, I found the sickness with a toddler much harder than newborn and a toddler!

Oh and we're all back in bed due to a tough night, so coordinated naps can happen :)

I think like Party said, it depends on the baby. DD was a massive shock to the system but a total angel. DS was born 11 months later and was one of those babies who was born angry! All his early photos are of him screaming angrily at the world! I find having two so close in age very hard but once DS starts walking and is a bit more self-sufficient life will improve...which it slowly is. Having two is hard, but I think a bigger age gap would make it easier as although you have the tantrums, hopefully one is at nursery / preschool a bit and you get a break, and they can understand and follow instructions or happily do their own thing for a bit even if it's just watching tv whilst you tend to the baby....in theory anyway!

Great to hear such varied experiences. Lots of people seem to have an "easier(?)" baby following a more high needs one. Fingers crossed as after a very difficult birth with DD1 we had months of hospital visits and stress and she was (is) very clingy perhaps as a result. Feeds every hour at night and more during day till 16 months. I couldnt put her down in the evening so actually held her in my arms till I went to bed each night until she was 19 months!

She is also very VERY opinionated and strong willed which I admire but can obviously be tiring at times!

Who'd have thought it would vary so much?!

I found 0-1 a shock but ok because of the patina of newness and first-timeless over everything. And I could focus totally on DS1.

Finding 1-2 really hard. The guilt at leaving one to tend the other, the worry about makin sure DS1 is not short-changed, the splitting myself in two. And all without the absolutely new wonder of motherhood. As lovely as DS2 is, I'm used to the idea of myself as a mum and it's not AS miraculous. And finding nights stressful because I'm so anxious that DS2 does not disturb DS1.

I also had DS1 in a routine that I can't do now as we're out at activities etc. so the sleep's worse.

5 years between my two. DS2 is 4mo now.

Can I give you the advice my mil gave me - worked for us and never looked back. Make sure you give dc1 lots and lots of attention esp when baby arrives. Feed the baby, change the baby and put the baby down. the baby won't know any different. Make sure you constantly tell dc1 how much you love them, find ways to spend time with them when baby arrives and make sure you try to find time to spend with them alone - maybe doing an activity you both enjoy that you did pre-baby (ours was baking - put the baby on a mat in the hall to 'watch' us). Never refuse a request for a cuddle. And include dc1 in everything to do with the baby that you can - 'Ah look, she's smiling at you - she thinks you're a fab big sister' etc etc. Works for us and dd1 (3) adores dd2 (9 wks).

Oh, and 0-1 was harder to adjust to, but 1-2 is a little harder sleepwise - you can't go back to bed with the baby when you have to take your older child to nursery! Just do your best to find windows of opportunity to rest...

Forgot to say that 1-2 you're much more relaxed and trust yourself as a parent. You never have another first baby!!!

nah, number 2 was easy
number three? I'd think a while

I found 0-1 harder than 1-2.

By the time DS2 turned up, I'd already adjusted to being a parent and was a lot more confident about dealing with a baby. Also, DS2 was an easier baby than DS1 in a number of ways (especially sleeping and feeding) which I'm sure made the transition easier.

As a pp said, I found the hardest bit to deal with was learning how to cope with leaving one to tend to the other when both were yelling for attention.

1-2 wasn't as much of a "omg I've got a flipping baby now what do I do?" kind of shock to the system, but having a baby and a toddler is just 10 times harder than having one baby or one toddler.

Think about it: those times when you used to nap or watch a bit of tv or even stick a load of washing on when the baby was asleep? Now you'll have a toddler being extra-demanding (due to sibling rivalry) all day. All that time you could devote to feeding the baby, or rocking and cuddling him/her? Your toddler won't like that and will all of a sudden want to read a book with you or use the potty.Two loads of washing to wash, two little bums to change, two car seats, a double pram.

It is much much harder, depending on the age gap.

We've got almost five years between ours. Was easy when DS was a cute baby and DD was amazing with him.

Now that he's a strong-minded three-nager they have some almighty fights and I feel that I'm not giving either of them enough.

That being said, when they are not fighting they are best friends and DD is still amazing with DS.

Personally I think two children is easier than one. it may be more physically tiring but less mentally tiring as they entertain each other. as an introvert that makes a big difference.

DC2 is only 8 weeks, but so far lots easier - 3.5 year age gap.

I do think a small age gap would have been really hard though. I like being able to still nap, do baby activities, spend ages feeding etc while DC1 is at nursery or doing his activities. Plus he is independent, can use the toilet, get his own drinks, sleeps well.

Far from impossible. I actually found it easier in a lot of ways. Baby didn't worry me as much. I knew things like how to get them dressed, changed, how to work pushchair, do shopping etc.

Its tricky but not terrible!

I think it totally depends on your particular baby/toddler combo. Ds1 was the kind of baby that people say 'if I'd had one like that first, I wouldn't have had another'. Screamed from 0-3 months, then again from 6-12 months, woke at least every hour, didn't sleep through till 18 months. Ds2 (yes, he was an accident ) is the absolute opposite. Very content, and at eight weeks is already doing a 5 or 6 hour stretch overnight. Ds1 meanwhile, has turned into a very easygoing and contented toddler. 23 months between them and all is well. The transition has been a doddle. Way easier than the first time.

A friend had hers the other way round, easy baby who turned into a destructive tornado of a toddler, just as colicky dc2 turned up. Not fun.

4 year age gap between my two DD's. So Thankfully DD1 is very independent and confident, and DD2 is a settled,chilled out baby. So far it's been ok.
However, I am returning to work in September and that's where I'm worried. DD1 will be in school and DD2 will be in nursery. I am dreading the logistics of it, especially as we are a one car household.

I'm finding No 2 easy peasy.

But there's a 6 year age gap

and

No 2 is about 100 times more easy going than No 1.