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Original poster

Please reassure me - shi**ing myself

55 replies

Dior · 23/08/2006 20:50

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MoreTeaAnyone · 23/08/2006 20:55

If you feel that way about it, and I would too, then I wouldn't let them take your ds again. I totally understand how you're feeling. I wouldv'e expected a friend to be more careful.

hairymclary · 23/08/2006 20:55

well i don't think you should worry now, because he is safe and sound.
but I wouldn't let him out with them again.

Fauve · 23/08/2006 21:00

I'm also a worrier and have had similar dilemmas with the dc's friends' parents. In the end it comes down to how much you know and trust the other parents to be conscientious - and you have to balance that with your own tendency to be fearful. Don't beat yourself up, though!

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rabbitrabbit · 23/08/2006 21:02

I would feel exactly the same and would be absolutely sick about it. I also know, as I'm a worrier too, that the more you allow yourself to dwell on this incident it just becomes worse.

Perhaps you should speak to your friend and tell her that you felt so upset about it? If nothing else she'll know how you feel and you'll, perhaps, feel better for telling her how you expect your ds to be looked after.

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Dior · 23/08/2006 21:46

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morethan1 · 23/08/2006 21:48

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morethan1 · 23/08/2006 21:48

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Dior · 23/08/2006 21:55

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Dior · 23/08/2006 21:56

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hairymclary · 23/08/2006 21:56

i'd be more worried about the fact that they moved tables and didn't even think to alert him, and didn't notice that he was panicking.

I think all your concerns are justified. If it would make you feel better then do talk to your friend about it.

But don't dwell on what might have happened. he's safe and sound now

Original poster

Dior · 23/08/2006 21:59

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Dior · 23/08/2006 22:11

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Dior · 23/08/2006 22:32

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wannaBe1974 · 23/08/2006 22:33

I might not be that happy that the friend had left my child with her dad, but that being said, he had gone to the pub with them, and is her children's grandfather, so presumably she is used to leaving her own children with him and probably just automatically left your ds with him as she didn't think it would be a problem iyswim?

With regards to your ds talking to a stranger, tbh I would be glad that someone had seen my ds and had at least asked if he was ok and stayed with him until he saw your friend, a lot of people wouldn't bother to do that for fear of recrimination, so I say good on the guy. Whilst I do agree that children should be taught that they shouldn't just talk to strangers, they do also need to learn that if they're lost or in trouble, then they should feel they can ask for help, and that sometimes, asking for help means talking to a stranger. Yes we do need to be aware that not all strangers are nice people, but stranger danger is not nearly as bad as the media would have us believe, children are at greater risk from those they know and trust.

You really should try not to worry, nothing happened, and in reality your ds never was in any danger, he could just as easily have wandered off/lost sight of you in a pub garden, yesm moving tables was a bit thoughtless, but really he wasn't ever at any risk.

Also, if your ds is a worrier, then you worrying could potentially make that worse.

Mum2FunkyDude · 23/08/2006 22:40

You have all the right in the world to be worried and I do not think you are unreasonable in your thinking. I personally think you gave your friend the responsibility to look after your son, you did not give her the freedom to pass that onto someone else. If it was an emergency situation it can be unterstood, however, if you feel uncomfortable about this, I suggest you one day, maybe in a few days time when you had time to calm down and think about it, go back to your friend and tell her that you were really worried and would appreciate it if she could understand your situation and not leave your son with someone else, even if it is harmless, rather bring him home to me.

Original poster

Dior · 23/08/2006 22:40

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Dior · 11/09/2006 09:43

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Saturn74 · 11/09/2006 09:52

Dior. I have just read the thread, and would also be cross about the moving tables and keeping DS out later than first agreed. My DS1 went out with his friend's family for a meal. When they got back I went out to meet them and saw that there were only two seatbelts in the back of the (extremely expensive sports) car - and three children. The parents had wedged their own son between their daughter and my son. I was stunned, and commented that I would take and collect DS in future as I didn't want them risking the safety of any of the children. I do understand how upset and angry you are - when I'm responsible for the safety and welfare of other people's children I take MORE care, not less!

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Dior · 11/09/2006 09:55

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Dior · 11/09/2006 10:15

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Dior · 11/09/2006 10:23

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HuwEdwards · 11/09/2006 10:30

Dior, what resolution to this do you want? I don't think any amount of discussion about this with your friend will resolve this because I think you have opposing ideas about what is and what's not acceptable.

You've each said your bit and I think you just kind of have to agree to disagree and move on.

Do you still want her as a friend?

alexsmum · 11/09/2006 10:31

i don't understand why you are annoyed that she left the kids with her dad.in your op you say that she asked if your ds wanted to go out with her dad, so you knew from the off what was going on.
i think life is too short to fall out with people over something like this. He's safe, nothing happened. She should have called to say they were going to be late definitely, but i don't think she did anything else too bad.
how old is your ds?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 11/09/2006 10:32

Dior, I utterly sympathise with how you are feeling. I can totally understand why you are upset too.

However, this woman didn't know about any of your apprehensions before this happened, and, i dont think its fair to expect her to take it on board after the event.

There were definitely some things that she did that werent ideal, but, most of it - pretty harmless imo. I would imagine it is difficult for her to understand why you were upset and then "blanked" her, because she only found out you have "issues" some time after all of this.

That's not to say that you shouldn't feel the way you do, and that you mustnt have fears about confrontation etc, but she cannot be expected to act on that in retrospect. She can only do so in future.

I think you should call her, ask her around for coffee and have a long chat, and perhaps ask her to help you with this by taking them again....?

NotAnOtter · 11/09/2006 10:33

Dior - I think you have obviously learned from whats happened to be more cautious next time. Your ds is safe and the incident is in the past so try to leave it at that.
I never practise what i preach!

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