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Original poster

Please help me. I hurt my DD today.

27 replies

ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 19:59

Namechanged for topic.

I was so frustrated with her misbehaviour (she's 4) that I threw her jumper at her. Unfortunately I think the zip caught her just above the eye.
Fortunately it has done no lasting physical damage. I felt sick thinking about how it nearly caught her eye.

I need help, but I don't know where to get it from.

Should I talk to GP about anger management courses?
Social worker?
Children's Centre?

Any suggestions welcome

OP posts:
IHaveSeenMyHat · 30/03/2014 20:08

Firstly, calm down. Everyone loses it occasionally. You didn't mean to hurt your daughter (and you didn't hurt her really). You threw something soft at her, a jumper!

I don't think you need anger management, a social worker, or a doctor. I think your guilt and "what if is hurt her eye?" is making you overreact.

Just chalk it up to experience - you KNOW you'll never throw something in anger again.

May09Bump · 30/03/2014 20:10

I been so frustrated with my four year old too. You are not the only one.

I would talk to your gp. You also need a safe place where you can put your dd and be able to walk away from her when you feel yourself losing it too.

VoyageDeVerity · 30/03/2014 20:11

You don't need to contact anyone it was a moment of madness.

odyssey2001 · 30/03/2014 20:13

We too have had days where we have got to boiling point. We have never hurt our LO, intentionally or unintentionally, but we have reacted in ways we have regretted. This is only normal. It was an accident. Did you apologise?

You are only thinking about contacting these people out of guilt, not a genuine belief that that needs to happen. Even if you had raised your hand to your child on purpose, none of those would have been necessary.

We are only human and we make mistakes. It is what we do as a result of those mistakes that matter. Learn from it and move on.

quietlysuggests · 30/03/2014 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 30/03/2014 20:15

Come on, love. Calm down, your DD is ok. Talk to someone in RL (family or trusted friend) and then decide whether you need any further help. If so, your GP would be the first place to start.

BuddyButters · 30/03/2014 20:16

If it had been a brick or a saucepan or even a shoe I'd say you need anger management.

Since it was a jumper I think you can give yourself a break.

BelleateSebastian · 30/03/2014 20:21

she's fine, everything is fine Smile I gave my 4yo a big red mark on his forehead once, he was driving me to distraction over something, I threw the sky remote onto the settee in a 'ffs type' of way ..... it bounced off and hit him in the head, DH had to stop me taking myself off to rhe police station and handing myself in!!!

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 20:28

Thank you, Ihaveseenmyhat.
I can't help feeling it is more serious than that though. At the time I really wanted to, well, frighten her at the least...

OP posts:
Judyandherdreamofhorses · 30/03/2014 20:31

I've been a bit like this recently with my 4 year old. I organised some private counselling which is helping a lot. Turns out it's a lot more about me than about her.

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 20:34

Oh, thank you all!
Cross posted.

Fortunately she is fine. I don't think I'm setting the greatest example though! Shouty mum has been very evident recently...

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 30/03/2014 20:36

4 year olds can really press your buttons! As others have said you are only human and I really don't think you need intervention. Don't be so hard on yourself.

monkeynuts123 · 30/03/2014 20:41

Oh I threw a plastic cup today, not at child but in the general direction of DP, I've felt like a shit person all day. Pull up a chair and have a brew Brew

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 20:42

I really appreciate all the reassurance here.

quietly I think I need a) and b)! My baseline level of stress is higher than normal at the moment, but I don't want that to be an excuse to abuse my child - I want to know how I can keep my child safe from me, whatever my stress level. Safe, and not frightened.

AnyFucker Bit worried about approaching GP, it seems very formal somehow. Presumably then something would go on my records...

Belle Thank you, you made me laugh!

Judy I'm sure it's more me than her, she's just a normal (irritating at times) child. Dare I ask, is it expensive? Are there evening sessions? I don't really have any child-free time!

OP posts:
Judyandherdreamofhorses · 30/03/2014 20:46

I'm paying £35 per session and it's in the evening, yes. I'm surprising myself recommending it, but wish I'd tried it years ago. I found the counsellor through the BACP website.

Four year olds are seriously difficult though, I'm finding!

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 20:51

Thank you Judy. I may have access to counselling through work; perhaps I'll try that first then move on to BACP.
Do you feel that it is helping you to become a better parent?

OP posts:
MrsBongleChops · 30/03/2014 20:54

OP... you lost your temper, you regret it, that's it. We all get impatient from time to time. You do need to remember that your children will eventually learn by your behaviour though. Think calm.
Could be wrong, but this is reminding me of another recent thread, with a VERY similar sort of theme... the OP sounded and worded everything the same too - and I think the thread went horribly wrong. Just wish I could remember what it was about. Cos this is a pretty pointless thing to post about IMO.

not2nitedarling · 30/03/2014 20:57

OMG..
Another guilty mum here.. my dd4 has driven me to distraction today!!!
2 reasons are my fault.. 1. went to bed an hour later last night thinking I would get an extra hour in bed this morning!! ( so 2 hrs less than normal)
and 2. I got up thinking that I could watch last night's episode of the voice whilst she entertained herself with her toys and the pc (this never happens in our house but as it was mother's day and dh on 12hr day shift as bloody usual.. I felt that I was entitled to watch my prog 4 a change!!)
It's the guilt that kills you innit.. I really shouted at her today and still feel awful now

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 20:59

First time I've posted about this! Sorry you think it's pointless. Feel free to hide the thread.
The views of other posters have helped me, whether by keeping perspective, or finding ways to help.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 30/03/2014 21:00

I wouldn't contact anyone. You got angry. You didn't mean your DD to get hurt. Just forget about it.

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 21:01

not2nite shame about the sleep!
She cried for 25 mins Sad
I shout fairly regularly, and don't feel that guilty then. It's the escalation into physical throwing of (admittedly soft) object that scares me.

OP posts:
CalamitouslyWrong · 30/03/2014 21:02

You might want to see if your local children's centre offers parenting support. Not because you threw a jumper at her, but because you aren't happy about being 'shouty mum' generally. There isn't anything wrong with looking for ways to have a happier home life.

Original poster
ashamedmother · 30/03/2014 21:07

Thanks, I would prefer not to be 'shouty mum'.

I'm off to bed now. Will change my name back so you won't see me posting again (I hope!)

Thank you to all who answered. I feel better, and have a few avenues to try to improve my parenting.

OP posts:
Peniston · 30/03/2014 21:11

I've just done a ten week 'positive parenting' course with these people and found it helpful in becoming a calmer, less shouty, parent.
www.theparentpractice.com

I haven't read it yet but the course facilitator recommended this book by Bonnie Harris which might be of interest to you as well
www.bonnieharris.com/buttons.html

doodledotmum · 01/04/2014 22:44

Been there too in terms of pushing buttons etc ... usually due to lack of sleep and stress when trying to get to work on time. My OH threw DDs cardigan at her at the weekend (only less than a metre and not hard) in exasperation and the zip hit her. He felt awful for ages. Don't beat yourself up too much

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