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Original poster

in laws with rotweiller

42 replies

babaloo2013 · 10/03/2014 19:26

hi just looking for some advice please if poss. quite a long one but hope someone can help. let me start by saying i love my husband very deeply and he is an excellent hands on daddy to our 12 week old son who is the light of our lives as first time parents. my issue is this- his parents have a very lively rotweiller and at first it was agreed that my baby could go round there with his daddy as long as the dog was in a seperate room with a baby gate on the door and the door closed. by the way this dog is a nightmare even my mother in law finds it annoying. it jumps up everywhere and is not at all chilled. Anyway basically the last time we went there my father in law let the dog in by mistake three times and since that point my mother in law has come
over to mine to see my son- this wasnt a result that incident of the dog coming in its just happened that way and i have beeen very relieved there has been no mention of my son going to the in laws. long story short my hubby wants to take him over there on friday and i am worried sick but he is insistant that he will keep the dog away. just to add here- my in laws are lovely people i just really dont want my son going there just in case. any ideas?

OP posts:

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JeanSeberg · 10/03/2014 19:32

Completely agree with you, take no chances, all visits at yours.

FIL has proved he can't be relied on to take your child's safety seriously.

Iheartcrunchiebars · 10/03/2014 19:35

I would say no. Get them to visit at yours.

TheScience · 10/03/2014 19:40

I wouldn't trust your PIL. How do you "accidentally" keep letting the dog in?

My grandparents had big dogs when I was a child and they were always shut away when we visited - I don't remember anyone ever accidentally letting the dogs in.

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VoyageDeVerity · 10/03/2014 19:44

No way. They visit you!

Eletheomel · 10/03/2014 19:47

Child safety has to come first.

But if you wanted to let DH have one last shot and given all the 'dog out' incidents happened on one visit (hopefully FIL would have learned his lesson?) I'd maybe let him take your baby to this visit, but make it clear to him that he has to be responsible for making sure the dog is kept inside and he must keep the baby in his arms until dog is secure. If the dog gets out at any time, then visit is over and you won't be visiting again until they put proper (and enforced) dog separation in place.

I'd also seriously suggest they get a dog crate if they want you to visit in the future, so that you can ensure the dogs is locked up securely (as it's easy for a big dog to push through someones legs if they're opening a door/child gate).

Having said all of the above though, if you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. The recent horrible hideous cases of babies being killed by dogs are more than enough (in my mind) to justify a 'visit at my house' only rule (or only visit their house if the dog isn't there).

Trooperslane · 11/03/2014 07:36

It's a no from me too. Take no chances.

Cerisier · 11/03/2014 07:42

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

I'm afraid FIL can't be trusted, he doesn't see it as a big deal so he doesn't make an effort. Don't let baby go there.

gretagrape · 11/03/2014 07:54

I wouldn't be letting him have another chance to get it right - it's just one more chance for the worst to happen. One thing I am fast learning as a parent is to not worry about annoying/upsetting people if doing what I think is the best for my son conflicts with their opinion/lifestyle!

Stick to your guns, get them to visit you and serve their favourite cake as in incentive!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/03/2014 09:23

my father in law let the dog in by mistake three times

That to me says he is either careless or thinks you are being precious and wants to prove how safe the dog is around your baby.

Don't take chances, rotties can be lovely dogs and marvellous family companions but your DS trumps a pet, keep him home until FIL changes his attitude.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2014 09:31

Don't go. And email them a list of dog trainers.

Poor dog. Probably needs more longer walks and some proper training. They can't seriously expect visits from baby grand children with a dog that can potentially knock the mother holding him over.

Dogs are meant to be part of the family and trained so they can be around the family. Poor thing.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2014 09:44

I don't know why people get these dogs :( such a wasted opportunity of all the benefits pet ownership has on health and mental well being etc. And teaching children how to interact with animals. A valuable gift IMO.

Then they shut it in rooms cos it's "annoying" and that makes the poor thing even more jumpy and annoying.

Such a waste and not fair on the dog who's then resented by visitors and even the owners.

superlambanana · 11/03/2014 09:53

I have a Rottie with issues as she is a nervous dog (was mistreated by previous owners). We will be taking lots of precautions and are working hard with her and a behaviourist to make sure she is calm - we've trained her not to jump up at anyone and would never let her around other people's children if they didn't want her to be. They aren't innately aggressive dogs at all but they are big and very strong, and therefore need treating firmly. Really it sounds like your PIL should be stricter with the dog as well as respecting your wishes. Your child, your rules - I don't think you're being unreasonable.

superlambanana · 11/03/2014 09:56

I agree Giles, but it doesn't sound like the root issue (untrained dog) is something the OP can do much about. Unless her stopping her children going there will kick start them into training their dog.

Mine has just barked her head off at the postman again. Sigh. Small steps...

purplebaubles · 11/03/2014 09:59

Sounds like my PILs..who 'accidently' let their big dogs into the lounge whilst 6 month old DD was playing on the carpet. I was fuming. Then got a lecture about how it's important for kids and dogs to socialise

I might add, I'm a dog lover! Think they're fab! But since having a baby, my baby comes first. Not my MIL's feelings. Although we don't talk now anyway - her attitude re the dogs was just another cherry on the cake!

It only takes one moment. Your child's safety is paramount. Make them come to you - without the dogs.

willowisp · 11/03/2014 10:00

Does their dog get enough exercise ? I thought rotties where supposed to be chilled dogs - yes I know guard dogs/loyal etc, but a good walk twice a day would help ?

I would refuse to go round there, don't do a 'one last chance', they sound a bit dumb tbh. Also I'm aware of the scenario if creating more interest in something out of reach.

superlambanana · 11/03/2014 10:07

Mine is usually chilled - always up for a long walk but sleeps all the rest of the time lazy devil . Purple the dogs and children socialising is true - if the dog is chucked out every time the child appears you run the risk of it resenting the child, and something is more likely to happen if they are in proximity. Having said that, I still think parents have the final say and if they're not comfortable with the dog being around the child then that should be the end of it. It's possibly a bit different if the dog lives with the child.

I may have different opinions once my pfb appears in June..!

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2014 10:12

I can't imagine (unless I've knowingly taken a dog on with issues I was going up work on) having a dog who couldn't be in a room with adults or children without going nuts.

Defeats whe object surely. I love it when my children get to interact with dogs. Can't imagine permanant segregation to be the necessity .

AngryPrincess · 12/03/2014 09:35

You agreed the baby could go there if the dog was in a separate room. The dog wasn't kept in a separate room, so the baby can't go round. (That's why you made it part of the agreement in the first place, which hasn't been respected)

Flicktheswitch · 12/03/2014 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jugofwildflowers · 12/03/2014 10:26

As they all sound lovely people I think it would be good if you talk to each one in turn, in confidence telling them your fears. Ask your fil or dh (or you yourself!) get a crate for the dog and or put the dog in the car. Then let your mil know what you have asked for and keep ringing up and checking with all of them that it is in place before any visit.

You could also asked for the dog to go to the kennels of stay with a friend for every visit or even offer to have the dog yourself! Anything to ensure they take your concern seriously.

Really you need to ask them for a long term plan regarding the dog and your visits, but don't whatever you do just leave it up to your fil to deal with it as his past totally irresponsible actions should have your red warning lights going off in every direction.

It is not just now you need to worry about but as your dc gets older. The dog is unsuitable to be around anyone small and vulnerable and your mil sounds as if she would back you up on this.

As a dog owner myself, I find it amazing that lovely people who are owners of really big, powerful, barking loudly and lively dogs say 'oh he just wants to play/be friendly/say hello' when the dog has just jumped up/scratched/ left teethmarks/knocked you or your dc over!

Ds has a friend who has a large, powerful young dog and his dm doesn't teach it not to jump up and scratch as she thinks it's just being friendly

Martorana · 12/03/2014 10:34

"Then they shut it in rooms cos it's "annoying" and that makes the poor thing even more jumpy and annoying."

I shut my dog up if I have visitors who don't like her for whatever reason, She doesn't get more jumpy and annoying! She just goes to sleep until she's let out again.
I adore her- but people come first.

OP- unless you are absolutely sure that your Dp is of the same mind as you about your pil's dog, I would go with him on this next visit and see for yourself how it works. You are perfectly right to keep your baby and the dog separate.

akachan · 12/03/2014 11:07

My great granny had 4 rotweillers when I was little and they used to shut then in the outdoor kennels when I was there. I would then be sent out to play (avoiding the piles of dog shit) and they would throw themselves against the fences trying to eat me!

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2014 11:13

mortana

I was talking in the context of people who get dogs don't train them properly and are difficult to handle so they shut them in rooms as they are too jumpy to let out and then that makes them even more jumpy as they are bored and under socialised/exercised

Not a presumably trained and well exercised dog who will calmly sit in the kitchen and sleep throughout the visit.

Martorana · 12/03/2014 11:32

Sorry Giles- misunderstood.

Not a presumably trained and well exercised dog who will calmly sit in the kitchen and sleep throughout the visit.

Kitchen? What is this kitchen of which you speak? Oh, is that what you call that room with the big bed-like thing where male human puppy sleeps?

HelloBoys · 12/03/2014 11:37

I swear a similar post was posted recently.

Keep the dog away from all young kids not just your kid.

How many times do we see in media (newspapers) that a dog not even a vicious one has savaged a child or killed one?! Quite a few times.

Your baby your rules.

For all those that say it's down to the owner not the dog well yes it is and even a labrador can turn. In the past I'd have said babies/young children are safe with e.g. child friendly breeds - spaniels, labs etc - in light of recent media I'd say unless you are in the room at all times with child and dog, no-one is left alone with the dog (e.g. the child) then no dog is safe with a child - alone I mean.

I say this as knowing lots of breeds English Mastiff etc but at the end of the day a dog is a dog and a child is a child.

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