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Original poster

Should my 4 yr old be forced to call me Mum?

29 replies

SqueezyDiva · 13/08/2006 08:59

A few weeks ago my son suddenly stopped calling us Mummy and Daddy and started using our first names instead.
It is rather sweet at the moment and we haven't stopped him.
I wonder... are we setting ourselves up for some future problems? Are there unforseen consequences as he grows older? Should we make him stop now?

Would appreciate your thoughts and experiences

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sfxmum · 13/08/2006 09:02

well would not make a big deal out of it just keep referring to yourselves mummy and daddy, don't think forcing would achieve anything really

kids are odd

Freckle · 13/08/2006 09:02

A friend's children always call her by her first name. I don't think she has experienced any problems other than some people being a bit startled when they hear it for the first time. Her children are in no doubt that she is their mum but just choose to call her by the name that everyone else uses.

Katymac · 13/08/2006 09:07

My Mum would say it's a stage

DD (8o) is currently alternating between MD (mother Darling) Mummy (my choice) Mam (which I hate with avengance) & O illustrious Ruler of the universe (whcih appeals to me)

But in a busy room with lots of other mums she uses my name to attract my attention - I didn't do that to my mum until I was a teenager, so I think it is very grown up of her

But I wouldn't worry about your DS - he will prob go back to Mummy & Daddy as long as you don't make an issue of it

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Bethron · 13/08/2006 09:10

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Original poster
SqueezyDiva · 13/08/2006 09:21

Well that's all quite reassuring so far.

I was a teeny bit concerned about encouraging insolence of some sort. From your comments so far, I expect it is a phase. He starts school in September..maybe he'll conform then.

It certainly grabs one's attention. Maybe that's why he does it.

OP posts:
edam · 13/08/2006 09:27

Ds, just three, thinks it's funny to call us by our first names occasionally (usually when he's been reminded they exist by overhearing someone using them). But I insist 'that's mummy/daddy to you' because he's the only person in the world who can call me mummy and I like it!

Can't see first name would cause any problems if you are happy with it though. Only an issue if you dislike it.

NotQuiteCockney · 13/08/2006 09:30

Hmm, my DS1 used to call me by my first name at the childcare co-op, as that's what all the other kids there called me.

Now he always calls me mom. I do know people whose kids call them by their first name - if it doesn't bug you, don't worry about it!

FrannyandZooey · 13/08/2006 09:45

Realy normal at this age IME. For the first time they properly realise that you have another name for other people and that if they feel like it, they can say it too. I think it is much more likely to continue if you make some sort of deal out of it. Otherwise, it probably won't last long.

lilmamma · 13/08/2006 10:58

my eldest son,used to call me by my first name,once he realised other people called me that.if he wanted me he would say where is my mum,but otherwise it was my first name,it never bothered me,then when he was about 7,an old man said what did he call you,and told him he was disrespectful,the look on his little face,i told the man to mind his own buisness,if it didnt bother me why should it him,anyway he calls me mum now,im not bothered at the end of the day he kbows im his mum.

RubyRioja · 13/08/2006 11:05

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aviatrix · 13/08/2006 14:07

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Flamesparrow · 13/08/2006 14:14

My friend has some of her children who call her by her real name - never seems to be a problem (and it actually took quite a while for me to notice ). It might be a phase, might not. I would say that if you want it to stop, then just keep emphasising "mummy" and "daddy", if not, then ignore it.

Now my 3 yr old calling her brother "Buddy" all the time because DH picks him up and says "Hello Buddy" is REALLY starting to p*ss me off, so everytime she says it there is a chorus of "EMRYS" from all angles - think she's starting to get the hint

Gem13 · 13/08/2006 14:17

My friend and her brothers have always called their parents by their first names. Weird to me and it still makes me double take when she talks about them but that was only because there was no way I could have done that. It makes them sound like step-parents too rather than parents.

My brother (45) does it now in cards to my mother (72) and she hates it. Hasn't said so to him though. So English...

DS (4) was trying to get DH's attention the other day when on holiday and there were lots of people out in the city and he used his first name after the increasingly loud 'daddy's failed. I was impressed.

ProfessorGrammaticus · 13/08/2006 22:00

We had a phase of this too. Didn't last long - just trying it out I think.

Bozza · 13/08/2006 22:03

LOl at katymac. My Mum used to do a lot of voluntary work with children. When we wanted her attention we would call her "Mrs Xxxx".

popsycal · 13/08/2006 22:05

ds1 occasionally calls me MRS x to be like 'your boys and girls at school'

TinyGang · 13/08/2006 22:12

All of mine call me mummy, but they've all gone through a stage of complete amazement when it dawned on them that I actually have a name other than mummy.

They've been intrigued, but I told them that anyone in the world can call me by my name but only they can ever call me mummy; no-one else. So they decided to stick with it.

edam · 13/08/2006 22:16

Ooh Flamesparrow, Emrys is a LOVELY name, not surprised you yell at dd.

When I call ds beautiful or gorgeous or whatever, he often responds indignantly 'I'm XXXX'!

eggybreadandbeans · 14/08/2006 00:16

LOL Edam. Our ds (26 months) is the same. If we say, "Oh, you're beautiful," or whatever, he says the same: "I'm not beautiful, I'm [ds's name]."

He also had a phase of calling both me and dp by our first names - but not our full names; our abbreviated, 'silly' names that we call each other. He thought it was very funny, and so did we really. I did worry if he'd ever call me Mum again, but he does now; hasn't called me by my name for a month or two. So definitely a harmless phase.

I'd agree that, if it bothers you, not making a big deal of it = good, and also you call each other Mummy and Daddy fairly emphatically for a while and little one will just follow.

Socci · 14/08/2006 00:20

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Flamesparrow · 14/08/2006 07:39

DD does the same thing with her age... "How old are you/Are you three?" "I'm BRONWYN ". But she is also nice n vain... said to DS "Are you my gorgeous little man?", to hear DD pipe up "No! I gorgeous!!!! "

(and Thankyou Edam - we like it )

mousiemousie · 14/08/2006 07:52

A natural stage which will pass on its own in my experience - no need to correct him

hermykne · 14/08/2006 08:02

oh my dd does ths and has snice last january,shes 4 in oct, and it doesnt bother me in the slighest,
once they are at school i'd guess it'll come round.
i called my grandparents by their christian names all the time.
it doesnt bother me. they are listening to my dh calling me it so they naturally copy.

speedymama · 14/08/2006 12:34

DTS1, starting calling DH by his first name when he was 2.2yo. We kept telling him to call him Daddy and now DT1, who is 2.6 yo, says "Daddy, not ". It is really quite sweet

WestCountryLass · 14/08/2006 22:06

My DS calls me by my first name and it really does not bother me, it does seem to bother other people though.

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