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Original poster

Would or has anyone else left their baby for so long?

55 replies

Avenahoo · 06/03/2014 12:59

I am feeling so torn as we have our honeymoon in September, dream trip for 10 days. Taking dd who will then be 10 months is not an option. DH seems to think it will be fine as I will have stopped bf and she will be with family etc. But I feel sick at the thought of her being traumatised by my absence. Has anyone any experience with leaving their baby for such a length of time?

OP posts:

TenThousandThings · 06/03/2014 15:41

If it makes it any easier, I think it will more difficult for your baby than you. Babies latch on quite quickly to someone else at that age. So it is really more your feelings than any harm caused. I understand, though, I won't be easy.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 06/03/2014 15:41

She won't be traumatised, you might. Nothing on earth would have made me do it, I still wouldn't want to and they are 10 and 8 years old. They have plenty of occasional nights away at the GPs and DS has been away on a 4 night residential, I'm happy for them to have their independence but I feel we'll have years to go on holiday without them when they are older and these years are definitely for family holidays.

TenThousandThings · 06/03/2014 15:43

Sorry, meant more difficult for you

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Sparklyboots · 06/03/2014 15:47

Wouldn't do it. She may be fine and get over it, whatever. But she would miss you. And you would miss her!

Parliamo · 06/03/2014 15:49

I wouldn't leave mine for that long, but I wouldn't judge anyone that did.

My mum left me with my grandma for that long at that age (she was ill). I was fine. In fact, me and my grandma were very close.

You should count yourself lucky you have anyone willing to do it for you. In fact, thinking about it, you should take full advantage. I reckon a 10 day holiday would make me a much better parent when I got back! All those lie ins...

KuppiKahvia · 06/03/2014 15:55

I agree with whoknows. Your dd won't be traumatised, as long as she is with someone with whom she has a strong attachment, but you may well be. I'm another one who couldn't leave my much older children (5 & 7) for that amount of time. Only you can decide if it is for you.

Eletheomel · 06/03/2014 16:49

I'm sure your daughter would be fine, but DS2 is currently 9 months and there is no way I'd leave him for a weekend just now, let alone 10 days (I'm a bit clingy that way :-D.

You have to do what you're comfortable with, and it doesn't sound like you are comfortable with the idea of leaving your baby. My fear would be that you end up spending your dream honeymoon worrying about your child rather than enjoying the time with your husband - which would be a waste of money, can you not reschedule your honeymoon for another time (when maybe you would feel better about leaving your child for that amount of time?)

purplebaubles · 06/03/2014 16:52

I wish I had at 10 months...now she's older, I really don't think I could leave her as she would know (if that makes sense)

I'd say go now! Much easier when they're smaller!

Thurlow · 06/03/2014 16:54

My 2yo has stayed with family quite regularly, anywhere from 1-3 nights. I'm quite happy with her having a few days away every few months but I think even with that I'd struggle with a 10-day break.

waterrat · 06/03/2014 17:54

I would not leave my 2 year old for that long - I have left him for 2 nights but really missed him. I was still bf at 10

i agree with others that its personal but I do think 10 days is a very long time for a baby who won't understand that you are definitely coming back ...

If you feel you won't enjoy it you probably won't ..can't you change the trip to something shorter or take her along ..

Famzilla · 06/03/2014 18:19

DD is 11mo and I couldn't image leaving her for that long, sorry!

Floggingmolly · 06/03/2014 18:26

No, I couldn't. I know it's irrelevant; but I don't get people with very young children having honeymoons anyway. You're a family; by all means have some child free holidays later on if that's what you really want, but it's not a honeymoon, no matter when the wedding took place.

lolalotta · 06/03/2014 18:28

No I wouldn't dream of leaving my baby that long, sorry.

mercibucket · 06/03/2014 18:36

i had to leave mine for about a week. i was still bf and we kept bf afterwards. i still feel awful about it 10 years later. admittedly it was for health reasons and unavoidable but i still feel for ds

apparently he had a great time though

Bananapickle · 06/03/2014 18:48

It is totally up to you and your DH. And it is ok of you don't feel traumatised at leaving them. It is no reflection on your parenting or your love for your baby if you do leave them for 10 days. You'll only marry your DH once and your baby will be waiting happy and healthy for when you get back. But that light be just my opinion!!

Original poster

Avenahoo · 06/03/2014 18:52

flogging what's to get? All the time is family time. A man and woman are allowed time out for themselves. I don't understand people who become so child centric either. We are all different.

Thanks for your responses anyway. We have had a rethink. A shorter trip, closer to home, to mark the occasion is what we will do instead.

OP posts:

monkeynuts123 · 06/03/2014 19:01

A honeymoon away from your small baby? Strange. I think when people have babies it's best to put parenting first for a little bit at least. Some people will agree with you and other people won't, it's up to you really. I wouldn't have dreamt of it, a new baby needs its mother more than a new husband needs his wife. Somebody pass me a bucket.

Floggingmolly · 06/03/2014 19:29

I'm not obsessively child centric, op, but I'd draw the line at going on honeymoon leaving my baby behind...

Original poster

Avenahoo · 06/03/2014 21:14

Ffs some people are so judgemental. 'Pass me a bucket' why such a response?? I asked a question but some people cannot help the snide tone that so often appears on mumsnet!

OP posts:

ZebraZeebra · 06/03/2014 21:35

This is just my personal feelings on it: of course parents need alone time, adult time, couple time. 10 days with a young baby is not something I - or me and DH - would personally need. This is just us. Different people have different needs.

We'd miss DH way too much and would either have not gone, or postponed it until he could come and we could all enjoy it.

At ten months my baby was going through major separation anxiety; even if he was fine when he had days with grandparents, he was upset and clingy when he saw me when they brought him back. I knew it was for the best - still feel very strongly that it takes a village to raise a child - but I felt horrible. 10 days would be way too long for either me or DH not to see DS.

ZebraZeebra · 06/03/2014 21:36

*10 days without

ZebraZeebra · 06/03/2014 21:36

Oh for god's sake! My post is full of typos! We'd miss DS..

GingerDoodle · 07/03/2014 11:55

It highly depends on you and DH. Me & DH would not be happy going on holiday without her (she is 17 months) so we wouldn't do it.
If you won't enjoy it without her then don't do it as there is no point forking out for a (i'm guessing) expensive trip and not fully enjoying it!

prettybird · 07/03/2014 12:02

I left ds when he was 6 months for 10 days and I was still bf.

Expressed loads before so that there were sufficient stocks and continued to express while I was away (freezing the ebm).

Ds stayed half the time with my parents and half with my SIL and was fine :) Got a lovely cuddle from him when we got home. But then, he was always a happy cheery baby who never exhibited separation anxiety. From 4.5 months old, he would go into the child minder's happy and smiley - and was happy and smiley to see me when I picked him up. :):)

But you know your child - and how you feel. You need to do what feels right for you.

KatAndKit · 07/03/2014 12:04

I would not have done it. 10 month old babies often have separation anxiety. I was still breastfeeding too. We went for a spa weekend just beFore his first birthday and that was totally fine. We went on a four night honeymoon when he was almost 18 months and that was totally fine. I think you should consider postponing your holiday.

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