do you/how often do you have a day to yourself?

[Writergirl]

Gathering opinions!

How many of you who work and / have kids actually have time to yourselves, e.g. for a whole day or more? And when and how do you do it? And what does your partner/think or do?

I'm starting to feel a bit stir crazy as my routine as a working mum mean my life is either work or kids, and our weekends because we work, are devoted to the children or doing household necessities.

I realised I haven't had a day purely to myself for a year or more!

I have obviously had holidays etc, and even weekends away, but that still doesn't help me get stuff done that I need to do!

I also mean a whole day, not just an hour having coffee whilst waiting for my child to finish their activities. That is nice, but I have non urgent things that I'd like to get done and I feel guilty doing that at the weekend.

Your thoughts?

Thanks :-)

Never. I work full time and DP is SAHD. He gets Thursdays off when she goes to nursery. It is a source of irritation, to the extent that I am considering taking a day off work from time to time and not telling him so I can just do my own thing.
We each have a lie-in on the weekend and we both probably get a few hours each on either a Sat or a Sun.

One day a month, every month. Sometimes I just need to be me, no responsibilities.

It's lovely to be selfish once in a while.

I used to work 4 days a week and have every Friday off to myself while DH was in work and the DDs were in school.

I now work part of a Friday too and have 11-3 to myself. It's enough.

DH is good and is happy for me to go to exercise classes, to visit friends and to go shopping on my own when I want some peace. :)

This week I've had plenty of time to myself, but only because I'm off work sick!

School hours every day. .

However, this has come about because I never ever had a day to myself for 16 years. Not exaggerating. Worked FT. 3 DCs. Always work or with DCs. DH doing shifts so I also did 6 evenings/bath times/bedtimes by myself. Also was expressing breast milk at work for baby etc etc.

Fast forward 16 years....suicidally depressed, unwell all the time, on point of divorce, complete and utter exhaustion. Have to give up career and barely leave house for 6 months.

Anyway, now older and wiser, if I could do my time over, I'd insist on time to myself. Really insist. Getting proper rest and recuperation time really isn't a luxury, it's a necessity if you are to be healthy mentally.

Now I don't work I still plan in 'time to myself' which means not doing housework, DCs, or other necessary things. But doing something restorative like reading, craft, walking etc.

We have to live on a very tight budget because I'm not working but I'd rather do this than have no life at all, which is what I used to.

I work Ft and DH works shifts - so I never get a day without work or DC. Apart from when I am ill and the DC are at school. But I can't exactly get anything done!

One year???? I was expecting you to say 5 or 10 years... What were you expecting when you decided to have dc? Whole days to yourself? Frquently? Really?

Never really get a whole day but I do get chunks of a few hours pretty regularly ( 2/3 times a week) when work isnt too busy and i could go out every evening if i wanted to bar Sundays, so no complaints. DC are 3.5 and 18mo.

Wow - thanks for all the replies, really interesting.
TBH I think its been 2 years, but that's not the point.

Its not about martyring oneself, its about having a healthy balance, and some people here have got some good routines worked out where everyone is happy.

It's easier to be a calm and 'good' mum if you're a happy mum and I just feel myself on the verge, as I run my own business and also have 3 kids, now at school.

I feel I get more irritable and a 'let me out' feeling has been creeping up on me as I constantly rush from one task to another, and just need time to get centred.

Obviously that's a common feeling and it is very reassuring to know I'm not alone :-)

Hardly ever. I'm a single Mum to one DD and ask my parents to babysit about once every 6 months.

When I was pregnant with DS2 and on maternity leave, I left DS1 at the childminders for 3 days a week, so I had 2 days each week for myself (well, until 3pm when I picked him up!)

Since then (born last May) nada, and I don't see one happening anytime soon - not sure I'm that bothered to be honest. When I go back to work I might take the odd morning off (I only work monrings) so I'd have a morning before picking DS2 up at 1pm.

Okay, the maths is wrong, DS1 was at the childminders 2 days a week, so I had 2 days to myself :-)

Although with the groin pains and aches etc, wasn't really able to do much with them...

If my shifts include days off during the week it can be during school hours 2 days per week. This happens 2 weeks in the month. These days are often spent taking Ds to hospital/dental hospital appointments.
The rest will be spent batch cooking, cleaning, ironing etc.

Not very often and I am very envious of SAHP (but only when the youngest hits 3!). I work 3.5 days a week and my youngest starts school in September. Feeling dizzy with excitement about Mondays 9.00 - 3.00 being mine, mine, all mine. I can start on a nearly 7 year back log of sorting out the house and my life in general. Might even get the anxiety counseling I need but don't currently have time for.

I had a couple of days organised at Christmas, one annual leave and the other DH in charge (shock, horror) but DH seflishly ended up in hospital with a burst appendix. Had a day last week and this morning as annual leave as I am desperate for a break and have to use leave up by 31st March anyway.

I do get away in the evenings to exercise and see friends when I have the energy.

Until the beginning of January I didn't have time to myself for five years since DD arrived. DD started Reception in September 2013 and DS recently started his free nursery hours. So now I get three 'school hours' per week free. DP works 12-hour shifts and I work flexible 16-hours per week shifts around him.

To be honest, the 'free' time was a revelation to me but now I fill it with chores, shopping mumsnetting etc. I now spend less time doing this stuff when our children are around and we enjoy way more quality time after school and on our odd days off together. It works for us because I am more than happy to do most of the cleaning/shopping/cooking and DP can chillax when he is home unless the car needs cleaning or the lawn needs mowing.

2 or 3 school days a week (I work the other 2 or 3, flexibly). I can't imagine not having it now, but I did do 5 or so years without ever having a day to myself when the DCs were pre-school age and I worked f/t or p/t but had them on my days off. I still don't get everything done that I would like to though and spend most of my evenings doing stuff instead of relaxing, the more free time I have the more things I seem to fill it with (allotment, cats, helping at school, PTA, OU course, stuff to do with DS and his SNs, house maintenance etc). My "relaxing" hobbies barely get a look in (only read books on holiday, have done about 20 mins crochet this year, watch about 3 hours of telly a week, rarely exercise). I do find time for coffee with friends once a week, which started when we all had our babies and is now child free. I wouldn't change things though.

never.... have been a SAHP and part time and full time worker...

have never considered not having a whole day to myself to be a problem... don't expect my DH has had one either....

we get on with what we want to do when we have the time to do it...

we are a family and it comes with the job description...

(oh and my kids are 11 and 13)

Never and like you it's starting to do my head in. The problem is I just want them to all magically disappear for the day so I can potter around in the peace and quiet of my own home. wonder how much cold hard cash it would talk to persuade DH to take kids to MIL for a weekend

At this point in my life, never. I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 5 month old and other than when they are in bed in the evening, I'm always with at least one of them and often all of them. I think with young children, this is pretty normal and I've accepted this is how it is for now and mostly enjoy it (and them). But I also look forward to the time when I have a few hours to myself or even, shock horror, a whole day!

No none, ever. DP does though as he goes on hols with his 'lad mates' from time to time x

I'm currently a SAHM to 21 month old twins and I get about 1 afternoon every 4 months. OH and I were going to try and give each other an afternoon off each month on the weekends but I found that 6 days a week of solo parenting twin toddlers was just too hard.

Should say though that I have an actual month of 3 days/week off coming up, as the kids are starting nursery a month before I start back at work. I'm getting the house professionally deep cleaned. I'm not even joking. There's a man with a carpet cleaner coming to steam out 2 years of accumulated puke and calpol out of the nursery floor. I'm going to throw out all the baby stuff, do the filing, and play at least 10 hours of Minecraft.

I have an hour or so to myself every workday when I come home - dh does the nursery run so I get in at 4 ish they're in after 5.
I get the full day to myself on half terms and days when I should be working but there's none available or if I feel like having a lazy day and the dc are still at nursery.
Dh doesn't say anything about it nor does he ever expect me to do anything more than the usual load of washing and clear the kitchen of the breakfast mess.
Occasionally I go out on a Saturday aft as well. I don't ask; I just take myself off.
Written like this it sounds very one sided but dh goes out to football matches and stays in to watch it on tv when I take the dc out at the weekend.