Help with a whinging 11 month old and PND

[NessaWH123]

Hi I hope you can help. I had a difficult pregnancy diagnosed with vasa praveia and was admitted to hospital for the final 3 months of my pregnancy and had a planned c section 3 weeks early. Since he was born my baby has been difficult. He cried and whined constantly and was interested in anything. You couldnt leave him on a play mat or in a bouncy chair etc.. The consultant did say he may have had silent reflux and he is on a dairy free diet but I have been told to reintroduce dairy now. At 11 months I hoped things would have improved but he still is bad tempered, whines and tantrums a lot of the day. He is easily bored and I feel embarrassed when I take him out (which I do every day for my sanity) as he often creates, whines and cries. Nothing seems to interest him. I dread when he wakes as he always starts crying yet he does sleep well day and night now. I find motherhood boring and mundane and run out of things to do with him all day. I look forward to his bedtime and am going back to work in a few weeks which I am happy about. Yet I feel bad that I am happy the childminder will have to find ways to entertain him all day. I feel like a bad mother. I look forward to doing things like baking; gardening and taking my little one out for walks but at the moment find it all very difficult. I am so disappointed in myself for not enjoying being a mum at the moment and hope it will change one day. At times I regret having him. He is still not crawling or moving around really so I am sure he is very frustrated now. Any help or advise would be appreciated as this is really getting me down. I did go to the doc for possible pnd as have been on citralopram for 4 months now. I often meet other mothers who have babies the same age and their babies are so much more settled. Thanks

Firstly lots of mums find its not much fun being home with the baby, the days can get repetative and boring, plus its easy to get lonley. I for one was more than glad to get back to work, and didn't stay home anywhere near as long as a year.
So don't feel guilty about that.

Do you have a plan of things to do each day/week? Try to find something to get out to like mother and todddler groups, the library, swiming etc. And a tip stolen from another MN have a toy rotation list so as he gets bored of one toy remove it and give him the next on the list (plastic tubs, wooden spoons, saucepans etc all make good toys if you need some new for him). Having it planned out like this takes away a bit of the annoyance of having to constantly think of things for him to do.
IMO a bit of baby TV each day if you need him entertained while you get the dinner on won't do him any harm either.

Also do you get any time away from the baby, I try to get out at least a few times a week without my DS even if its a 20min walk as it means I can clear my head. A coffee/wine with freinds would be even better do you have the chance to do that? Can your OH do a day or evening without you each week so you can have a break.

Oh also if you report your thread and ask to have it moved to parenting I'm sure you will get a lot more replys and advice.

You poor thing, OP. Don't feel bad –you are still his mum and you obviously care or you wouldn't be feeling guilty like this! Not everyone is cut out for staying at home with a baby and that's nothing to be ashamed of. I know I wouldn't be – I'm self-employed and didn't really have maternity leave as such, which was hard and stressful at times, but equally I had the stimulation of doing my job. I don't know if you've tried it, but there is a lovely website called The Imagination Tree which has loads of ideas for creative play with babies and young children – there are even activities for babies as young as six months. A bit of messy sensory play can be just as enjoyable and therapeutic for parents as it is for children, I often find!

One thing I did find handy with my eldest, who had colicky issues, was going to a cranial osteopath. Cranial osteopathy is all a bit alternative and woo, and not the sort of thing I would normally have done, but I was desperate when a friend suggested it – I have no idea why or how it worked, but it did. Worth a go?

thanks for your advice im new to mumsnet so dont really know how to post and not sure how to post in parenting but i have asked admin so thanks fos that he has now taken to mini screaming fits and throwing himself backwards everytime the slightest thing dosent go his way so yesterday it was an average of about 20 times in the course of the day it coukd be to do with the bath nappy change dropping a toy etc is that normal for an 11 month old please as its very waring x

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself and expecting a lot of your 11 month old, mine have never been half as interested in their own toys at 11 months as they were in my necklace, or hair or a wooden spoon. they loved being held to have a look around and got fed up if i stopped pushing the pushchair for too long in one place-making a coffee with a friend impossible unless they were napping. I've had one (my first) slightly difficult baby and a pretty easy 2nd but many will say I was more prepared second time and he had a lot of stimulation watching his sibling. Neither of my children have been that settled in a baby chair for long or on a playmat, and they never behave like a baby from a pampers ad when you want them to whilst you are out at that age. It can be stressful when they cry and make you feel out of control/unable to settle them in public but I promise you you will be hard pushed to find a mother who has not been through this. Do you do any classes with him? my friends do baby yoga, music groups etc which I think they actually find stimulating for little one and nice meeting other mums too. I don't think you should feel guilty about going back to work and feeling ok about it, it sounds like a balance in your life will no doubt make you happier from what I gather from your post. We aren't all the same and you shouldn't compare yourself to others (we all do it but we shouldn't.) x

Thanks for the advice i do think i am hard on myself sometimes and do think work will help how i feel. I take my little one out everyday and always have to either toddler groups,baby sensory, park, soft play etc..as it helps with my sanity and stops him being so whingy. I feel bad that sometimes i wish my ols life back before children and feel like i simply cant be bothered to play with him at times as he never seems very happy. After a while it takes its toll as i would happily play with him all day and cuddle him if it made him happier but it dosent. This weeks new paddying over everything like a ticking time bomb has really become upsetting.

Purplemurple1 i have clicked on report and wrote a message to ask my message to be moved...is that all i have to do please? How do i set up a post in parenting please?

Hi, I'm really sorry for everything you have been through. Parenthood is tough, especially if you have a silent reflux baby, it is extremely hard! Is your little one on medication got silent reflux? Which medication is it?

My baby at 9 months now also had silent reflux (was on medication but now off it), and also cows milk allergy. She can still be grumpy and very needy, especially when teething. Is your little one teething too?

Are you getting any help or support? Is there any chance your baby can be looked after by someone else? Can you afford a nanny/childminder/nursery for a couple of hours a week, so you can get a break?

Are you breastfeeding or is baby on bottle?

I know what you mean by others baby being settled, and you have my sympathy. It is for this very reason that I stopped going to baby groups, as I just felt worse after them, because I was the only one that had a 'difficult baby' and in some ways it re-iterated how 'unlucky' I had been. So I tried to find activities that didn't require much interaction with other mums, like the 'big scream' sessions at the cinema or going shopping etc

Sorry just read your message again, you are off to work in a few weeks, and things will get easier!

Also I suspect once your baby starts crawling he or she will much happier. My Baby was frustrated for weeks because she couldn't, and once she got the hang of it, she feels much happier.

Thanks gingermaman it helps to hear i am not the only one with a difficult baby as at times it feels like it is only me, like you said especially after going to groups with other mums and babies who are settled and happy. I meet with a group of mums who allhave babies the same age and get alittle upset at times as their little ones are all crawling and many walking now and my little one is still just sat there and gets frustrated on his belly still. I do feel for him and i hope you are right that when he finally moves he will be happier. Fingers crossed. He was only given gaviscon as refulx which made him constipated.He is on the bottle having pepti junior milk but isnt really inyerested in his milk and never has done.x

Hello there

We've moved this to 'Parenting' now at the OP's request.

Hi, good to see you managed together your post moved, lots more advice over here.

How is your little one getting on with eating solids - I'm finding that a fun messy time with mine atm. What have you got pplanned for the weekend?

I suppose you're busy preparing to go back to work - will you be ft? Have you visited the childminder together yet - I've jot used one so I'm not sure how it works.

Hi i have moved the post but only got one response! :) My little one loves to feed himself now with finger foods and isnt fussed on being spoon fed. There is alot on the walls and floor but he is enjoying himself with that and looks proud of himself. The weekend is sorting work for going back to work and i will be full time. He is at the childminder for first full day today so just hope it gets some sleep there:)

Sounds like it's going to be busy, I like being back at work but it makes for busy weekends!

Must be nice to have some time to yourself today. Think I'd be tempted to spend the day drinking tea and mn'ing. I've ds today and away at the weekend so trying to get packed.

Off to watch my lo decorate with some mash and carrots!

yep enjoyed being back in adult company and having another focus really enjoyed rare time t myself i ate cake,watched tv and even sorted out my clothes!!!happy days hope u got packed