Do you ever look at your children and think 'wtf'?

[SPsMrLoverManSHABBA]

I woke up this morning to see The 'Tude in my bed eating a block of cheese. I just looked at him and he said "Me have breakfast like Buddy" as if he knew what I was thinking.

(Buddy is his toy mouse)

It wad this morning that I thought he gets this weirdness from his dads side, obviously

DD seems quite normal, apart from the fact she talks to herself all the time in a low whisper. She's normally just telling herself a story, but a few months ago I heard her reciting the start of One Step Beyond by Madness. She was 2 1/2 at the time.

My DD (3) is supidwoman...superwoman that is, until she sees a puddle, stops in from of it and says she is now a normal girl and needs help to jump over the puddle. Every puddle. Nursery run takes a while...
DS (16m) loves a game where I ask 'where is...?' Then he points randomly and says 'there'. Only word he can say at the moment!!
he is also obsessed by baby wipes...

My 19 month old is currently in bed with 2 bookends, a hair brush, a hair band and a money box all hidden under her quilt so I don't know they r there

What is it with the wipes?!

She has a treasure basket but nothing captivates we attention like a pack of Mamia wipes!

Loving these Ds 4 has always been a real character but also extremely stubborn and alwaysthinks he's right!

When he was 3 I caught him sat on the floor spinning the washing machine drum with his hand (something I had repeatably told him not to do as he will break it) He see's me come in and the cross look on my face and before I can even speak he declares in a irritated voice "How many times Mummy? I've already told you... If I break it I WILL BUY YOU ANOTHER ONE!" before going back to spinning the drum

His favorite passtime at the moment is pretending to be various animals. He likes to drink from a bowl and have a dog bed on the floor and only speak in woofs and yelps. However this week he has taken to being a bird of some description, possibly a chicken, and spends every day after school sat on a nest made out of blankets trying to hatch my egg ornament. He's getting extremely pissed off that there's been no development so far and now makes me promise to sit on it when he goes to bed. He was most angry when he discovered I wasn't taking my hatching duties seriously

Strange child. There's loads more but I'd be here all day!

I had a definite WTF moment this morning.

DS (17m) has a bit off an obsession with belly buttons and lifts our tops up to poke his finger in them which is weird enough. However this morning he decided that he wanted to put a scrunched up bit of paper in there after I had my shower. Every time I tried to get up to get dressed he would insist on me sitting back down and checking the bit of paper was still inside my belly button and was very annoyed when I eventually took it out and got dressed. He was desperately trying to pull my jeans down so he could put the paper back in.

My DS (just turned 3) stands in the corner of his room, says "this is number one" (Claire Bear from Heroes style) then does a funny run across his room and launches himself onto his chair. Then he goes back, says "this is number two" and does a different funny run ending with the launch. This can go on to about number 20 and it's always as I'm trying to cajole him into bed!

I remember going into DS3's room to take him to the loo last thing at night , when he was about 4 . Whereupon he , whilst still asleep ( I think) leapt to his feet , stood bolt upright on his bed , announced 'I'm a strawberry ' then peed all over me .

I have NO idea where that came from .

My DD2 (14) is the oddest child, When she was about 2 she stripped naked and proceeded to put stickers all over herself, (I have the photos to prove it, cant wait to show them)
She has done the poo mural in the bathroom, cut the head off all her dolls (psycho?) and much much more.

The other 3 are perfectly normal :D sadly my mother is convinced they take after their father!

DD is 2yo and I often wonder where I got her from. She has a pink bobble hat that makes her look like Edith from Despicable Me and she wears it all the time. My DM calls her Nellie because she's like a little old lady the shops with her handbag over one arm, her bobble hat and her tissue in her pocket. She has a pair of Crocs that she calls "my topsies" (no idea where she got the name from) and as soon as we get home from anywhere she tells me "I sort my topsies out" and swaps whatever shoes she is wearing for her topsies. At this exact moment she is stomping around the living room, pushing her toy pushchair. The pushchair has her handbag slung over the handle and a plastic pumpkin in the seat. She's wearing her topsies and singing "funk soul brother" (Rockefeller skank?! The fat boy slim one) in a deep voice.

DS is 4yo and equally odd. I recently banned him from getting into my bed during the night because I'm 39wks pregnant and he was waking me, waking the bump with his shuffling around and deciding 3am was the perfect time for an indepth chat about the origins of fingers and why the moon changes shape. He spent an hour making me an invisible sign for my bedroom wall (using his invisible pens and invisible tools, of course) saying "only mammy and daddy allowed in this bed". He even hung it on the wall for me. That night I woke up to find a face two inches away from mine, staring at me, I jumped and yelped and a bit of pee might have come out and then realised it was DS.
Me: "what are you doing DS?!"
DS: "I just wanted a quick cuddle but I'm not allowed in the bed so I decided to wait here for you to wake up"
Me: "how long have you been there?"
DS: "I don't know but I'm really cold ... "

Last week I woke up to find him not-so-subtly trying to attach my Latch-Assist (BF aid, like a little suction bulb) to my face. When I looked closer he had little Latch-Assist sized red circles all over his own arms and face. He says he didn't want to wake me so decided to have a play with my hospital bag

Yes!

My daughter who is two next month likes to wander round the room with her eyes closed, smiling and laughing away to herself, I can see her daring herself to keep going and every now and again she 'peeks' and quickly shuts her eyes again. Thrillseeker!

She's also going through a phase where she likes to put stuff 'away'. Forever putting things/toys back in 'their place'. I know THAT one won't last!

All these children are hilarious

My DD the other day; 14mo. Walking around the living room. Grabbing hold of various obstacles with one arm and stretching her back (pushing all her body forward if that makes sense) whilst making 'Uhh!' noises. DF and I looked at each other going WTF?! Then pissed ourselves laughing

DS 7 asked me yesterday why we don't eat people when they die...he thought it would be a good idea because then a piece of them would be always in your heart!

DD 15 is bonkers! She spends her entire life taking bizarre self is from strange angles!
She has also christened her unborn sister Ryvita! Poor kid is known by that name far and wide now!

My dd 17mths also has a baby wipe obbsession, she'll empty the whole packet out and then either try to eat them or clean everyone and everything with them, she also toddles round with a plastic bowl on her head laughing and squealing at herself or she puts a blanket or price of clothing over her head so she can't see and will run round and laugh when she falls over

My other dd 3 talks in funny or growly voices and regularly has conversations with herself and with her toys

Ds 4 will run round in circles making car noises and dive on the couch making a weird sound

As we were just getting into the car the other day my 3 year old piped up with, "There's someone in our house," when I asked her who it was she said, "Nora", I then asked her what Nora was doing and she said, "Getting all our cheese."

I have no idea who Nora is, or what she wanted with our cheese!

I've been at my mums.for my sisters 4th birthday. There was 2 4 year olds and a nearly 3 year old.

What weirdos they are! They turned a picnic table into a train, played zombies, played babies.

Sister kept singing "I love chocolate buns'' while shaking her bun. The boys would laugh at her then sing it too.

I also think they have their own language

Love all these stories.

Ds1, totally treats me like the embarrassing parent I am. So I like to enjoy it all the more by beeping my horn and shouting "love you" when he refuses to wave at me when I drop him off at school. At the age of 7, I went to give him a kiss goodbye in the school yard, he out his hand up and said "mother, please!". Little sod.

DS2 refers to his dad as fat beast, never dad. And his dad drives the baldy mobile.

Ds3 is 5 and the funniest. He was off school on Monday and wore what he calls his Christmas trousers, they are green cords and he wore them last year for a Christmas meal out with my family. He sand Christmas songs all day, wrote a letter to Santa and Drew his own advent calendar. I had to tell him how many days until Christmas (317 if you're wondering) and he drew a box for each day. Going to be a long year. He also took his best friend a heart ring he got off a Greggs cake, because they're going in a date to a pub.

CPtart, that is equal measures sweet and creepy...

I'm loving this thread!!!

My daughter is completely crackers, and sometimes in a rather sinister way.

She asked me one day to help her remove a head from some Kinder Surprise shite. I asked her why she wanted to take its head off, so she furrowed her brow, lowered her chin and whispered "Because I like to take heads off people Mummy." I actually shuddered.

Another weird thing she does is insist on 'wiping' my own mother after she has had a wee. She doesn't ask anyone else?!?!

Baby wipes are wonderful! We were able to go out to restaurants when DD was very young without worrying about her fussing and switching off taking her outside for walks. All she needed was a pack of baby wipes and once finished with her meal she would spend the rest of the evening blissfully cleaning her part of the table over and over and over...

My 6yo dd talks to her invisible friend, Kate the Pink Tiger, in fluent 'Minion" from Despicable Me . She also speaks fluent mouse-ish and cat-ish.

However, my favourite was when she was re-enacting a scene from the film Watership Down, aged 4, using her toys, hands and feet, and was distraught when she realised she didn't have enough hands to include all the rabbits

2yo DS is obsessed with lights, plugs, switches, buttons anything electrical. His first word was 'light' (pronounced 'ite' ). He spent several happy hours this week flicking through the Argos catalogue getting excited about photos of lights and switches. Even rain and wind is described as being 'on' or 'off'. He is also insanely tidy and orderly. I fear this may be an inheritance from the PILs, who are also very anal orderly

We didn't have the baby wipe phase, but DS used to love wallets so much that I picked up a cheapy one and filled it with freebee loyalty cards for him to play with.