New baby and DH in the bed

[LooeyLou]

DH moved downstairs onto the sofa bed when DS was born so he could sleep, 8 weeks later he's still there! He's tried coming back to bed twice now and says he can't sleep with us as DS is too noisy and he can't sleep.

What I'm asking really is is this normal? Do all dad's move out of the bedroom and I have to sleep alone until he's sleeping through? Also feel a bit sad that I've never had any support during all these night wakings and feeds, I'm ebf but still!

Am I being silly or not?

That is so lovely AnUnearthlyChild. Your DH shounds amazing.

I agree with Bee. There's more to night wakings than just the occasional feed.

DH stayed in our bed. DS would poo twice for every feed, even at night, so DH did some of the nappy changes. When DS went into his carry cot at ten weeks we took it in turns to settle him after a feed.

Well, everybody's different. I guess I secretly enjoyed having DD2 to myself at night. She was my last baby and I knew the baby stage wouldn't last forever. I didn't need general support at night and my main concern was to keep everything as calm and quiet as possible so that DD became a good sleeper (which she did and still is). When I went back to work I gave up night feeding because I realised that I could not function properly in the office without a full night's sleep. I can't really imagine being up in the night multiple times with a very young baby and then going into work the next day. I know people do it, but it must be very very tough for them.

I never needed to change nappies at night after the first couple of weeks and DS didn't need winding or settling after a feed so really there wasn't anything for DP to do between the hours of 11pm and 7am. I fed the baby lying down so we just both went back to sleep.

That's not to say DP didn't do his fair share the rest of the time, just that I didn't need him in the night.

Thanks for everyone's replies it's been really helpful to read what other people do and have done! I think your right there's not a great deal my dh can 'do' at night in this case as I'm co sleeping and ebf and he just falls asleep next to
me when he's finished feeding. Although I appreciate some peoples dh did a lot in the night. It's really highlighted for me that it is the general lack of support that's upsetting me and that needs addressing. He works hard at work in a physical job but I'm not sure he really understands that although I'm at home my days are really hard work too. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and tell him how I feel, it's probably unfair of me to expect him to guess!

I ebf my DD2 and thought as Im up anyway I might as well do the winding and nappy changes. No point in having two cranky people in the morning. But eventually the sleepless nights really caught up on me, I was knackered, fed up, and stressed (on top of dealing with 4 yr old DS1). Eventually we agreed that I would feed DD2 and he would wind her and some nights change the nappy. DH did suffer with the sleepless nights, but I just felt that he's a father for a reason. Yes he could help during the day but he needs to do the nightshift too to really know/understand/appreciate what I was going through.