Keeping DS off school for his DB's Birthday

[YesAnastasia]

He's in reception (4.5) and it's just one day. He's had a rubbish week (he has SEN) and has been having meltdowns all over the place.

We would go out for lunch & maybe visit somewhere fun (and educational). They don't legally have to be in school until they're 5 anyway.

Please take the guilt away Mumsnet.

I would-school can be so shit for young ones with sn. The next 2 being weekends will stop it setting a precedent and hopefully he'll be more settled in school by then.
I do feel a bit at sorry for your other child re the presents-please do make sure he feels special and feels his birthday presents are better.

Have a lovely day.

No, I don't think I can offer to take the guilt away... But if youre asking for people to do that, I guess your mind is made up!

I get the bike thing completely. DS got a scooter on DD's birthday. It was a long way off xmas and even longer till his birthday and the weather was good so he was able to use it....sometimes it's practicality and timing though it did cost more than we would ususally spend on the token 'don't get jealous' gift.
Regarding taking him out of school, it's obviously what you feel is best because you know your son best and how school has effected him recently. Personally, given the limited info you've given and my (very) limited experiences of SEN children, I would be inclined to say that teaching the routine of school is very important and encouraging him to feel secure in that shouldn't be conpromised. Although one day may not seem like a big deal, will your son expect the day off next year, or days off for other birthdays or occasions?
My DS and DD don't have days off except in issues of illness. Appointments are scheduled around school and birthdays are celebrated before and after school and on the preceding/following weekend. It's a personal belief thing I guess and to us, education is important day to day as well as in the bigger picture.
But like I said, only you really know the specifics.

I'm intrigued to know how old the younger brother is, 2? 3? I don't think many children of that age can ride their own bike alongside their parents for bike rides. Anyway I'm with those that think a bike is OTT on a siblings birthday, give it on another day.
As for the day off, you should not take him out - when you send your child to school you agree to send them every day even if they are not yet five, a siblings birthday is not a reason to ask to keep them off. If he is having problems at school talk to his teacher, taking him for a fun day out isn't going to help.
As for the poster who has refused to work on her birthday for years, it's a good job teachers don't do that isn't it?

busker - I fail to see why my decision to use give my employers notice and use annual leave (not pulling a sickie) on my birthday for the last x amount of years is an issue for you. Clearly my jobs have allowed me to do this, if I were a teacher this wouldn't be an option (perhaps another of the many reasons why I would never want to be a teacher...)

I don't get this whole attitude of 'you can't miss a single day of school' argument. I remember having weeks off school as a primary school child (mumps, measles, etc) yet I still managed to get to tertiary education. Having a family day is a perfectly good reason to take an under five out of school for one day in my book (in fact, I'd stretch that to under 12...), the sky won't fall down if a child is absent for one day.

Let him have the day off, he's only 4.5. You are only little for such a short time....enjoy it

How about you get in the habit of having the family celebration on the nearest weekend day to the actual birthday? You need to do this when they're older anyway.

Sorry, but no way from me. And I woudn't get a sibling a present either.

I cant see keeping him off school as a big deal. But a bike for his brothers birthday? What is the birthday boys main present going to be?

Ime presents for both siblings on one of their birthdays invariably causes problems and resentment, usually with the one whose actual birthday it is because they no longer feel special and have to 'share' it - in their view unfairly. I know this from DH's ex doing it with my 2 DSDs when they were little. Birthdays are supposed to feel special to the person whose birthday it is.

I'm sorry but I'd concentrate on birthday boy, do something for him on his actual birthday in the evening as a family or wait until the weekend. Either way I'd send my child to school with a lot of love and understanding.

Erm, the bike thing. I do understand that a bike is a big deal but I don't like buying the 'big deal' presents for no reason. I don't want my DC asking for everything they want and expecting it NOW because we got him a bike last week for nothing. And we didn't give them bikes for Christmas because they had a list of things they wanted and it would've been too much.

We do it for both of their birthdays - For DS1's birthday, they got a playhouse in the garden (to share) and DS1 got extras & a party etc.

They are not peevish & they do not have the attitude that 'it's my birthday, not yours'. At the moment, they like getting good stuff for birthdays, that's it.

DS2 wanted his brother with him (of course) to do the fun stuff with. They love it when it's all of us. There is no yearning for one-on-one time with either of them and frankly I don't understand that. Perhaps because DS2 is at home with just me a lot. Maybe it will come when they're older...?

DS2 was 3 and it was a balance bike. We had a lovely day. He had lots of presents. DS2 was told that most things were up to him to decide on. He loved that. He decided where we ate, what we played etc then he had friends & family round and a cake made (by me) to order. Then they had a sleepover in DS1's room and talked until 9.30 which they loved. That's it.
I'm sure his education will survive & I don't feel guilty because I love my family & it was worth every second.

Brilliant. Glad to hear you all had such a lovely day OP, I think your explanation is very sound .

I'm glad you think so Sparkly, one day I shall return the supportive favour on a thread of yours. Cheers

Sounds brilliant. There is more to life than one day of reception

I got roasted to an absolute crisp on a thread about sibling birthday presents, I do it for my dc. It really surprises me how heated people get about it.

Back to you OP .

Thanks Ragusa, there certainly is :)

I know Sparkly me too - I expected the school thing to be controversial not the bikes...

Buying a big ticket item instead of token present on a sibling's birthday is only going to store up problems if the child is mature enough to realise the difference. My four year old certainly wouldn't. His favourite Christmas present was a poundland bag of sparkly stickers, despite getting several largish, much more expensive presents. In fact, if you offered him two bags of poundland sparkly stickers or a bike, he would probably choose two bags of stickers, using the four-year-old logic that two presents is better than one.

He is 4 & next yr won't remember any tradition about day off for brother's birthday. I'd take him if I wanted to.

Ever considered that might just be your child DB? And that those kind of findings can not be generalised to the entire child population?

It's not about 'big ticket' items to please DC. We wanted them to have bikes for the exercise & outdoor family time they bring. They didn't actually ask for them (or even know they were getting them). But they were BOTH overjoyed. What's wrong with that?

My children are partial to stickers too *shrug

I wouldn't keep him off for the birthday, but I would on the grounds that he's had a bad week and could do with some time out. So if that works out well with the birthday I would not sweat it too much.

You obviously feel VERY strongly about this back.

"Crazy" "madness", or maybe just not how you choose to do things?