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Original poster

Keeping DS off school for his DB's Birthday

79 replies

YesAnastasia · 23/01/2014 09:15

He's in reception (4.5) and it's just one day. He's had a rubbish week (he has SEN) and has been having meltdowns all over the place.

We would go out for lunch & maybe visit somewhere fun (and educational). They don't legally have to be in school until they're 5 anyway.

Please take the guilt away Mumsnet.

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TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 23/01/2014 15:56

And no I would not take him out of school for his brothers birthday.

frugalfuzzpig · 23/01/2014 15:56

My DD loves being in school for her birthday. They get to wear party clothes and stuff, it's fun.

WheresItTo · 23/01/2014 15:58

I think it is wrong. And I am a soft touch when it comes to days off Ill. Send him in and do something at the weekend fgs!!

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WheresItTo · 23/01/2014 15:59

Also, does this mean you would keep them off school for their own birthdays??!!

nemno · 23/01/2014 16:03

I can't see anything particularly wrong with this idea this year but from the perspective of the younger child it sucks if this becomes the norm. I am the younger sister of a sibling with special needs. My parents were very bad at handling things like this. For my birthday my older sister always got an equal present and often my present was clothes too big for me or a toy that my sister wanted so she was given those too.

WipsGlitter · 23/01/2014 16:07

I would give them both the bikes at a 'neutral' time. Otherwise when it comes to your DS who is in reception's birthday the other child might expect to get a present of the same standing.

pumpkinsweetie · 23/01/2014 18:14

I'm in 2 minds, would be lovely for him to have a break & yes he doesn't legally have to be in school until 5yo, but with sn, you may find it unsettles his routine?
My dd who is 5yo has sn, and hates change, especially routine change, something such as allowing her a day of would upset the balance.

MaryShelley · 23/01/2014 18:19

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Floggingmolly · 23/01/2014 18:27

If they both need bikes, then give them bikes.

In a few weeks time; and give the birthday child some other presents on his birthday. Hmm

MiaowTheCat · 23/01/2014 18:36

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clam · 23/01/2014 18:43

I'm totally and utterly Shock at this thread.

Sparklysilversequins · 23/01/2014 19:17

Do you all believe that your dc would expect something big on every special occasion if you did this then? Really? They must be quite spoilt then or teetering on a knife edge. Because I know for a fact my dc wouldn't. I would explain to them why it was being done and that it wouldn't happen again and they'd be fine, I know this because I have done similar with them.

It's not a ridiculous idea at all it's what the OP wants to do for HER kids in HER family and as such she will probably know what will work for them.

Honestly the hysteria on MN when people step outside the loop and do things that don't quite fit the idea of How Things Should Be, makes me really Confused. And birthdays and presents for siblings really seems to get people's blood boiling for some reason.

OP do you want. I think it sounds FINE. I would also like to know what would be the point of giving one child a bike when the whole family can't actually go out riding together because one hasn't got one?

Ragusa · 23/01/2014 19:33

It's entirely up to you OP. If you think it's the right thing to do, go ahead. The school will possibly call you on it, though, if you've no prior agreement with them.

What sort of SEN does your DC have? If he is regularly having issues with being in school all day you could always enquire about flexischooling.

Bowlersarm · 23/01/2014 19:34

Yes, if they had got it on one occasion. Why wouldn't they expect it the next birthday? They would, and be disappointed not to.

Sparklysilversequins · 23/01/2014 19:42

Mine wouldn't because I would explain it to them. I don't think you're giving children enough credit if you think they would be expecting that kind of thing every time. I think they'd be perfectly capable of understanding and to be quite honest at that age they can barely remember one birthday to the next, they're just happy if they get what they really want aren't they?

Sparklysilversequins · 23/01/2014 19:44

By that logic you're saying that because I take my kids to Disney one year, which I did last year, they'll be disappointed if the next holiday isn't there or somewhere equally amazing. My children are going camping this year because that's all we can afford and they are as excited as when we went to Disney.

clam · 23/01/2014 21:53

The OP said that, "He'll also have a present (or a few if family get silly)," which sounds to me as if a precedent has been set already. A bike's just upping the stakes.

Good luck with it all in the future. Hmm

Bowlersarm · 24/01/2014 07:01

No, it isn't the same logic, Sparkly. Your children are going on holiday - what's not to like? In my experience children like holidays full stop. It doesn't matter where, each holiday is exciting,.

A child has a present because it's his brothers birthday. Therefore there will be an expectation and disappointment if he doesn't get some sort of present when it's his siblings next birthday.

I think it's wrong. I feel sorry for the birthday boy. His brother is being singled out for treats, day off school, and a brand new bike. I really hope he's made to feel special too.

Sparklysilversequins · 24/01/2014 07:59

Like I said I think you underestimate your dc because mine certainly wouldn't react or think like that.

There's plenty of ways to make the birthday boy feel special. It's fine NOT to give them both the bikes if that's what you'd do and I wouldn't judge YOU for that but it's also fine to do what the OP is doing too because that's what works for her and her family.

WidowWadman · 24/01/2014 08:05

The birthday should be his brother's special day. Let him join into the fun in the afternoon, but don't take him out for the day for such a contrived reason.

As for the bike (which really is a bit OTT for a "non birthday present", which are OTT in themselves): My daughter got a bike for her birthday, and very proud to ride it to school on her birthday, so all her friends could see it.

Bowlersarm · 24/01/2014 09:59

Entirely agree *WidowWadman. An OTT present for the non birthday child definitely.

I just hope the birthday boy gets an equally special and expensive present when it's his brothers birthday next. Or it will be obvious there is a favourite.

Sparklysilversequins · 24/01/2014 10:13

I'm quite sure that if the OP explains to her eldest that its a one off so that the family can all go out cycling together he will be just fine.

beingagoodmumishard · 24/01/2014 18:01

If you want them both to have bikes at the same time why didn't you get them for Christmas presents, then DS2 could have special presents for his birthday and DS1 could just have a token present to celebrate DS2's birthday? I must admit I would have found it strange, and possibly upsetting, if my brother had got a bike on my birthday Blush

2kidsintow · 24/01/2014 18:08

I would also suggest keeping the bikes completely separate to the birthday issue. If they both need one, then they get one on that basis alone. Unfair IMO to give one it as a gift for a birthday and the other one get it 'just because'. In effect, you are diminishing the birthday child's gifts to just the extra 'little bits'.

Idreamofsunshine · 24/01/2014 18:11

Well the occasional day off wouldnt worry me too much but I would send him to school and make a fuss of the birthday boy instead