One week old- only sleeps on our chest- petrified of co sleeping

[DirtyDancing]

Just that really. Our boy is doing very well, feeding great & very alert. But when it comes to sleeping he'll only sleep on our chest.

During the day he'll occasionally sleep in his Bugaboo bassinet, this varies from not at all, to 10 mins to 1 hour. He won't even close his eyes in the Moses basket!

Yesterday we went out in the car and he slept for nearly 5 hours (even through his feed and stretch time out of his car seat he was half asleep). So he can do it... But today I took him for a walk and as soon as I got home he woke up & was back on my chest to sleep. All day today it was chest or nothing.

I can handle this in the day time (mostly) but it's at night I'm so worried. We have resorted to co sleeping, very much against our best judgement. Last night we co slept fully with him between us both, and he had to be woken up after 3 hours for his feed! So it works but I am just so so worried about the safety aspect.

I've tried warming the bassinet sheet with a hot water bottle, tried the fisher price seahorse thing, feeding him v frequently in the evening to make sure he's full, holding his hand/ chest/ stroking his face when trying to settle and nothing works. He doesn't cry but it's wide awake and gets v agitated.

Do I just co sleep an be done with it? I'm tempted to spend £500 on a sleep consultant as I'm so worried, but it's money we can ill afford.

Any help, advice is v welcome. I just want my boy to be safe.

Why are you afraid of co-sleeping?

I am a massive fan if co sleeping. Read the rules of doing it safely. Good luck!!

Why would your baby want to.be away from you?

Congratulations on your baby. Aah, I remember when my DS used to sleep on my chest. Don't be thinking of a sleep consultant quite yet, one week is soooo young, it's such early days, he's still learning about day and night times and getting used to being out of that nice comfy womb. Read up about how to co-sleep safely if that seems to work best. My health visitor said between 3 and 6 months is a good time to start gentle sleep training. Another option is a cot that has a drop-down side next to your bed, so you can make contact during the night.

You need to look into co-sleeping safely. Are you breastfeeding? The baby should be on your side, not between you and your partner. Make sure the mattress is firm and there are no pillows or duvets near the baby.

I'm not sure what a sleep consultant could do - newborns are designed to want to sleep close to you. It's survival instinct we've evolved with!

I have zero experience, but might he settle better in an NCT bednest or arms reach cot than a Moses basket, or perhaps a sleepyhead pod in between you? (look it up on john lewis site)? I'm hoping to co-sleep (35wks pg) but hoping these aids will stop me being scared of squashing him...

We co slept with DD. She slept on my side of the bed with a bed guard and then a sidecar cot. I decided that it would be safer to co-sleep in a planned way than to be up with a non-sleeping baby and accidentally fall asleep on a sofa. Key things for us were not using a duvet and making sure our bed was big enough. To begin with DD slept on my chest. She then moved to be beside me but with her head on my arm or my arm curled around her.

Obviously it is up to you. But co-sleeping worked really well for us. I think it must be really hard for a baby who has been snuggled inside you to have to sleep alone.

Using pink noise rather loud also helped us.

Ps you can hire the bednest for £99 for 6 months, so it's not as pricey as buying brand new. Still expensive I know but less than a sleep consultant! Both bednest and sleepyhead have pretty convincing reviews anyway... Best of luck!

Definitely look at the advice on co-sleeping safely. I felt the same as you but once I realised we were all going to sleep much better, and read the rules on how to do it safely, I found it worked well. Are you breastfeeding? Our hospital gave a leaflet with the discharge info on breastfeeding & co-sleeping, with a picture of how breastfeeding mothers instinctively sleep curled around their newborn; apparently you are v responsive to the baby in your sleep even. The advice is not to have baby in the middle though.

You could also keep trying to transfer him once asleep on your chest (in the daytime) to his bassinet, occasionally. I don't know many babies who would "close their eyes" in whatever bed when little - I know one, at most two. The other 50+ have to be helped to sleep and THEN put down (and then usually bloody wake up again, like mine..I still try every so often...)

Id either cosleep or take the night in shifts. You go to bed early (7pm) while DP stays up and lets baby sleep on his chest, then you take over at 1am. That's how we survived the first 4 weeks where DS refused to sleep anywhere but on us.

If you do decide to cosleep look up safe cosleeping guidelines. I now cosleep with my 12 month old, it's the only way we both get some sleep and I love it.

I love co sleeping! DS is four months and we've been doing it since he was 1 week old. Our bed is against the wall and he is always on the wall side. He goes into a baby sleeping bag then I can still have the duvet without fear of it covering DS and I always make sure that he's higher than my head so there's no risk at all of suffocation.
Aslong as it's done truly safely I feel much more comfortable co sleeping than if DS was in a cot as I'm awake as soon as he makes the slightest noise and he sleeps so much better next to me.

Firstly I'm the biggest fidget in bed and am worried ill squash him. And I have read such mixed things about co sleeping, including recent NHS research which strongly advises against it. It seems v risky, and there are some horror stories about (although granted there are of course many positive stories and experiences too!) If I put him on the outside I can't see that he won't fall out.

I don't mind physically doing it, the cuddles are lovely, but it is safer to have him in his own bed surely?

What are your fears about co sleeping?

Oh, and please don't think about a sleep consultant- no reputable one would take your money at this age. What is happening is perfectly normal- he doesn't even know he isn't still part of you yet- that's why he's happy when he's with you.

OP, I could have written your post.

I had exactly the same problem with DS, and, like you, I was anti co-sleeping. My advice is to go with the flow; he's still so young. Dont beat yourself up if he sleeps with you for the time being; it doesn't mean it's permanent, and there is plenty of time over the coming weeks to get him used to sleeping in a moses basket. Just make sure he's safe in your bed, not too hot.

I started by transferring DS very gently once asleep (easier if he's already swaddled or in a baby sleeping bag), rocking him helped, and he gradually got better at self-settling until eventually he was fine in his moses basket all night (at about 4 weeks).

In contrast, DD1 and DD2 were self-settlers from day 1!

www.nctshop.co.uk/Troll-Bedside-Crib/productinfo/4346/

www.bednest.com

Notoneforselfies thank you for your really helpful advice, I think we'll hire a bednest and try the sleepy head pod.

I think it's taken me by surprise that we are co sleeping. I'm a planner and I like to do my research and I feel very unprepared and unknowledgeable about it. I fully accept and love my boy needing his mummy to sleep and I guess now I need to aid that to happen in tge safest environment possible ;)

It's also very common for babies to have no idea about the difference between day and night for a good few week after they're born.

WE dealt with the early days by having blinds open and not shushing during the day and keeping nighttime very low key. For at least first 8 -12 weeks with the dcs they stayed downstairs with us until I went to bed, at which point if they were asleep in carrycot, dh would carry it upstairs and put it next to the bed. Then when they woke up, they came in with me. We have a very big bed. For the first few months dh slept downstairs and I shared the bed with the baby. Had a bedside rail and blanket for the baby (until he/she was big enough for a grobag). Meant nighttime feeds and nappy changes were easy - changed on the bed, fed in the bed lying on my side. When dh moved back in, they were larger and more robust. I had a bedside cot with an open side which meant that they were practically in our bed, but we all had a bit more room. Actually used an idea cot designed to become a day bed, with the mattress at same height as ours, and I bridged the tiny gap between our mattress and the cot mattress with rolled up blanket and a flat sheet under our sheet and over the cot if you see what I mean.

By downstairs, I mean on first floor - we hae a loft conversion. Dh wasn't relegated to the sofa! :)

Bednest hired! Thank you feel more positive already

Aw the chest sleeping thing! It's lovely. Just lovely.
I know it is petrifying too. We accidentally coslept with DC1. DS used to sleep on DH's chest, no duvet but under his dressing gown and tied on with the belt. TOTALLY unrecommended by professionals. But he was so happy and content.

We co-slept properly with DC2, had realised it was best for us all by then.

Have you tried putting something in his bed that smells of you or making his bedding smell of you. I used to spend the day with ds bedding down my top.
I also found the mattresses that come with the Moses baskets are rubbish and ds slept much better when we got him a slightly more expensive one.
Remember he's only tiny and it will take a while for him to settle in to the world. It's soon hard not getting sleep but I promise it will all soon be a distant memory.
I never did this but some people swear by swaddling.
We didn't co sleep because he wouldn't. He would only sleep on us if we were standing up and seemed to know the minute we say down!

I worried about that too which is why we moved our bed next to the wall. Our bed is a super king aswell which helps as he has enough room that I wouldn't squash him.
You can buy something called a travel cosleeper (or something like that) that's sort of like a Moses basket but with lower sides that you put in the bed with you. Might you be more comfortable with that?
Just do what feels right for you
A little white noise still works wonders if DS won't go to sleep. Usually the fan in the bathroom or you can get the Hoover noises on YouTube (sounds weird but really works). Maybe if you play something like that while putting baby in the cot? If you haven't already.

I hope it's helpful for you anyway! I've not tried them yet but they both give me peace of mind already (and I'm a worrier!) about going ahead co-sleeping safely. I did quite a lot of research on the options and hope the combination of them will work... (the sleepyhead also for versatility of a familiar bed where we can lay him down for naps in different places as it's a tad more portable than the crib!)

Are you worried because your DP is in bed aswell? I'm a man who got kicked out of bed for the first couple of times co sleeping while my girlfriend got more confident with it (she was scared i would squish him). Maybe that will help?

I love co sleeping even at 7 months there's no chance of any harm as the little one has full command over most of the bed.