Going Back To Work Full Time Dilemma... baby will be 9 months old

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Hi Everyone,

I will be going back to work in around 7 months or so and my little girl will be just over 9 months old. I am having to go back to work full time and while i'm working LO will be taken care of during the day by her nan.

I am already experiencing incredible guilt over having to return to work full time (there is a financial need) because I will be away from my beautiful little girl & i'm terrified of missing out on her and as a consequence not being a close to her as I want to be.

I absolutely love my job and have worked very hard to get to the senior position i'm in today and am desperately trying to work out in my head ways of making it work and getting a good balance with work and my darling little girl.

I keep holding on to the fact that i'll be with her for her morning routine and evening routine and all weekend and will absolutely have to make every minute i'm with her count. Also, i'm trying to secure her future by saving for her, buying a house for us so we have roots and I want to be able to take her away on holidays etc, all of which we wouldn't be able to do if I don't go back full time.

If anyone has any experiences they can share with me about how they made full time working work with having a baby, I'd be really grateful. I'm in quite a state about it.

thanks so much for listening and in advance for experience sharing. x

You may feel differently when she is older. By 9 months I was desperate to get back to work.

I went back when ds was eight months and he has thrived. Just ensure you're 100% happy with whatever childcare arrangements you have in place and all will be fine.

I think having a family member look after her will be a massive help, will it be in your house? That will save rushing too & fro
I'd cook lots of meals for the freezer so you can spend as much of the evening as possible with the baby
Cook batches of food at the weekend, do the washing & housework at the weekend too
Make sure you've got an outfit a day for a week for work so no mad ironing at midnight
Is your dd's dad supportive? Will he help with the housework , washing & cooking?
Will dd's nan cook her a hot meal in the day?

If your childcare is family anyway then that's going to reassure you - much more homely and familiar to your DD than a nursery (not that there's anything wrong with a nursery!).

I went back to work full time when DS1 was 4 mo and again when DD was about the same age. DH was able to drop some time and I worked some weekends (with a weekday off) so they only had 3 days of childcare, but I was still working 40+ hrs a week. I loved my job and really enjoyed it. The kids were fine. So will yr DD be.

A positive role model of a mum who works in a job she enjoys and which gives her a decent wage and self-worth is very valuable for a girl IMO.

Good luck.

Sorry, posted too soon. What I meant was they by 9 months both ds and I needed the company of other people our own ages and rather enjoyed work/nursery. However, I did return to work part time - is this not an option for you?

I went back full time at 6 months and I found that very hard. I'm planning going back at 9 months this time. I think at that age when they're crawling and eating solids and want to play it is a bit easier than when they are still very dependant. I relied on family for care too and it did make it easier, my DS was happy and I was confident that they could look after him well. It is very early to think about it now if your DD is only 2 months, don't torture yourself and enjoy your mat leave xxxx

I went back FT when dd was 5 months old. I was the main wage earner and had no choice. It was hard the first couple of weeks, but to be fair the advantages of going to the loo unaccompanied, drinking tea when it was still hot, and having other adults to talk to made the whole thing easier than I expected. My dd is nearly 10. I never felt that I missed out on anything. The firsts are still firsts when you are there. You still get LOTS of time wth them.

Certainly in my case, keeping my career moving meant that when dd was older, my job then allowed me more flexibilty eg working from home, flexible working hours that has fitted round her being at school much better. I would even go so far to say that older kids need their MUM more as they start to navigate the big bad world, than babies whose needs are relatively simple.

Guilt is a pointless emotion. My dd is perfectly fine and happy and near the top of the class. Go for it and try not to worry too much. It will be fine. Advice: get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week if you can afford it and do shopping online, so the weekends are freed up for family time.

I went back at 8 months, DD in full time nursery. I had to go back and wanted to go back. My colleagues are also great friends, I'm lucky!
3 years later and it's great! DD is lovely, we have a fab time together mornings, evenings and weekends.
We're not loaded but money isn't a worry (I'm the breadwinner), appreciate other people make sacrifices to stay at home but it wasn't right for me. I am not guilty at all.
Nursery is like our second family now and she (and I) have made brilliant friends through it.
You've got a while until you go back so don't dwell on it and enjoy your mat leave!

If you can stretch to a year off do so. I went back after 9 months on dd1 and a year for dd2 and it made a big difference to how ready I was.

Working full time with a family is hard work and I struggled with it tbh. Be realistic. And don't be afraid to change your plans/negotiate flexible working hours to help you,

What TheGhost said

Be kind to yourself - she's very, very little at the moment and it's completely understandable that you feel the way you do. But 7 months is a long time and you may well a bit more at ease with it by then. Just give yourself time.

I have to be honest and say I work 3 days a week and went back when DD was just under a year. I was a wreck when she was 12 weeks and work wrote to me to explain my options, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be when I first filled in that form.

And I totally agree with ghost - the times in my life I needed my mum were as an older child, not a baby.

I went back FT after each maternity leave when each DC was 6 months. It's fine. Really. I'm really happy with childcare, they are very happy, and so I don't worry about them. This is definitely key. I also don't have time to miss them during my busy working day. They are always thrilled to see me and I only miss dinner/bath/story/bedtime if something at work is essential.

I am a more efficient worker as I need to leave promptly. I do extra when the DC are in bed if necessary, rather than stay late unless it is really unavoidable.

I have no guilt. Sometimes I am even glad to be the one who waltzes out of the house and go to the land of hot coffee, weeing in peace, and occasionally, silence. Ahhh. Looking forward to Thursday now

The great thing about your situation is that your baby will have her nan when little as her main carer which is great, she will feel secure.

I went back when DD was 9 months - I work full time and she is in nursery full time. I was bloody glad to get back then, it's only now she's almost 3 I wish I could do 4 days instead and have a day with her.

At 2 months I could barely leave my baby without feeling a physical ache after an hour or two, by 9 months I felt different and was more ready to go back to work (would love to drop a day though, but my days are long). Don't worry too much at this stage - though I didn't believe people when they told me the same!

I seem to say this often, but women always worked and childcare has always existed. If you were super rich you had a whet nurse/nanny/governess and probably didn't see that much of your own children at all. If you were working class, you would have been relying on family members/neighbours/older children to look after the little ones whilst you earned money. Civilisation has not died out! Just because in recent times we are are guilt tripped by the media into believing that your dc will be somehow disadvantaged if mummy is not there 24/7 doesn't make it true.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and feelings with me, it really is appreciated.

My husband is brilliant and very supportive so no worries there and my mum and little girl have a wonderful relationship too so I know she'll be happy with her when i'm at work.

All of your responses have given me real food for thought and have genuinely helped take the edge off my worrying. Thank you all so much. At the end of the day I'm doing what I feel is best for my family and i'm lucky to have a supportive husband who cooks and is a dab hand around the house and great with many girl. My mum has said she'll happily look after her at our house a few days a week too to make it easier.

It is still early days, she's 15 weeks, so i'm going to enjoy my baby girl as much as possible and when it comes to going back to work I will make the very most of every minute I spend with her and it's a great idea to hire a cleaner and do online shopping to free up time.

I'm very grateful to you all for sharing with me and being so positive and kind.

Happy New Year to you all and your families x

*"great with many girl" in above post should read "great with our little girl". Not sure what happened there!

Have you read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? Not the kind of book I usually go in for but it's v short and great I thought about the balance between career and childcare - I've just gone back 4 days a week but with a long commute and found it a good read. Good luck - it's hard to start with but you'll both be fine x

Enjoy your mat leave & worry about it later. You have a fab childcare arrangement. Everything will be ok. I'm a working Mummy now but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much during mat leave [hugs]

Just read your newest post OP, Happy New Year Xx

Another one who thinks that you have fabulous support for when you go back to work ft. The thought of going back to work was worse than the actual reality. Do not spoil your maternity leave with these thoughts. By the 2nd one, I knew what to expect and was much more zen. Wish I knew that with my first.

I'm in a similar situation to you - will have to return ft when my ds is 9 months old

I do enjoy my job and have nice colleagues which is a bonus and my dh is wonderfully supportive which will help.

I'm just determind to make the most of my maternity leave with him and then evenings weekends and holidays when I return.

My parents both worked ft when I was little but I never felt I missed out and have grown up fine so I'm sure our dc will too x

I went back to work FT when dd was 9mths. I managed to do a staggerd start I began by doing KIT days and then having saved 33 days of annual leave whilst on mat leave I took 2 days of annual leave a week for the first 15 weeks i went back full time which really helped. Now I'm full time I've compressed my hours so work four days 8-6 instead of 5 days 9-5. My dd is also cared for by my parents and I think this makes everything a lot easier. Don't know if that helps at all.