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Parenting

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Original poster

Controlled crying at this moment and hating it.

36 replies

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 19:30

I never, ever thought I'd resort to this. We co-sleep happily with our 6 month old but recently he will not do his 'usual' of starting off the night in his cot for a few hours whilst I have a few hours to myself and will only drop off on me. SO, I've started CC and he does drop off on the 10-20 minute cycle but I can't tell if he is in pain as his cries are so heartfelt and strong. Any words of advice pro or anti CC welcomed but please no telling me I'm barbaric.

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MrsMargoLeadbetter · 21/12/2013 19:37

What day is it? It usually takes a few days. I know it isn't popular with some on MN but we did it and DS has been a great sleeper since.

elvislives2012 · 21/12/2013 19:39

Don't of it then! If it's not sitting right then it's not for you. I've never done it. They get there eventually. 6 months is still young

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 19:42

Day 4. It started off really well but tonight it feels like I back to square 1. I don't want all this crying to have been for nothing.

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ChocolateHelps · 21/12/2013 19:44

Sleep training is not recommended below 12 months

Try different settling routines. Try different naps in the day. Try to get more sleep in the day yourself. Could be teething. Could be growth spurt.

Lots of things to try and if it doesn't sit well with you then there are other options

PolkaDotParty · 21/12/2013 19:44

Don't do it then. Even advocates of CC do not suggest using it at 6 months as they do not have the cognitive ability to understand the process.

All babies have unsettled patches, due to teething, illness or developmental leaps. If I needed to get on or didn't fancy sitting on the dark for ages, I would stick then in the sling and crack on. They get cuddles, you get mobility!

If it feels wrong, that's your instinct talking. Listen to that, not books or other people.

ChazzerChaser · 21/12/2013 19:45

If you hate it, don't do it. All stages will pass.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/12/2013 19:45

I personally believe that two or three nights if crying is less barbaric than the possibility of months or even 2/3/4 years if being unable to self settle or sleep through.

Your choice but if you know he's not hungry, hot, cold, thirsty, etc then fine.

You jave to do what feels right for you though

ballroomblitz · 21/12/2013 19:50

I wouldn't do it either if you are hating it and I'm not pro or anti as I did it with my first. Dd has had many periods of being unsettled and is only starting a routine now at 14 months. She is much more attached to me than ds was and I have to lie beside her to get her to sleep - we co-sleep - and sneak off once she has drifted off.

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 19:50

I'm very close to calling it a night and picking him up. Will it all go back to square one if I do?

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Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 19:51

Good idea ballroom I just need an hour or two to myself.

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Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 19:52

giles that's my rationale too. I want Ds to be able to settle himself.

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ChazzerChaser · 21/12/2013 19:53

For me things aren't in a linear trajectory like that. They have different phases, go forward, go back etc. People I know who do CC get regressions. So I can't see it being a square one thing. But then my approach is like that all over hence why I wouldn't do it. Trust what you think.

ChazzerChaser · 21/12/2013 19:55

Re self settling, babies stir every 45 mins. If they're not waking you up every 45 mins they're self settling. I feed mine to sleep at night, rock in day. He is in my room and I hear him wake and self settle sometimes regardless of getting him to sleep in those ways. It's not all or nothing.

redspottydress · 21/12/2013 19:57

Pick him up. If it feels so wrong for both of you can it really be right?

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 20:02

I've picked him up and fed him back to sleep. I'm not really getting results after 4 days and don't want these tearful starts to the night continuing indefinitely! Still not ruling out sleep training though.

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ChazzerChaser · 21/12/2013 20:03

Have you come across pantley's no cry sleep solution? It's an alternative.

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 20:08

It came in the post yesterday! I'll get reading.

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AHardDaysWrite · 21/12/2013 20:10

What if he's teething? 6 months would be classic for that. I sympathise, my 8mo is terrible at night and I have to resettle her every 90 mins or so in the evening, but I'm not sleep training in case it's her teeth giving her pain.

IndecisivePramBuyer81 · 21/12/2013 20:11

I pick DS up if I need to, cuddle and sing to him so he settles and put him back down awake. I've just done that now in fact and he's gone off fine. The crying is heart breaking but I can't believe the difference already and this is only day 6 for us. He's been happier during the day too as he's actually sleeping at night rather than having broken sleep. Can you get DH to take over? I hit a brick wall on day 4 too, DH offered to do the night for me and DS slept through! for you x

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 20:12

That's one of the reasons I gave in,. I don't know if its teething, the introduction of solids upsetting his digestion or something else. Who knows!

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ballroomblitz · 21/12/2013 20:14

Oh I definitely get how you need a few hours to yourself in the evening.

The one thing I do is keep an eye on her nap times as if she sleeps too late I can have difficulty getting her to sleep at night. Has been sleeping much better since she's mainly stopped napping during the day.

I've looked at the no-cry sleep solution myself but after reading the reviews on amazon I don't think it would work for my very headstrong daughter.

Good luck!

TeoandSophie · 21/12/2013 20:14

What a strange post. If you are hating it, your child is obviously hating it then what on earth are you doing? Deal with the lack of sleep and comfort your child the way you are supposed to. What on earth??!

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 21/12/2013 20:16

Thanks prambuyer. DH works most nights so its just me and Ds. I could really see a difference on days 2-3 similar to yours but its all gone a bit pear shaped. Il try waking him to put back as you suggest.

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TeoandSophie · 21/12/2013 20:18

You do know that babies are not actually able to self soothe, right? Their brains have not yet developed into the area of the brain that allows us to self soothe. They are mainly in the 'fight or flight' base of the brain, so cries are desperate calls for help. If you 'succeed' in listening to the cries until your child is finally quiet, it is not the ability to self soothe that they have learned.... it is giving up as no one is coming. Complete mental and physical exhaustion with being alone and desperate for help.

chocolatecrispies · 21/12/2013 20:21

What is controlled crying meant to teach them except that you won't come when they cry so there is no point? I can't get my head round why you would want your baby to stop crying for you when they need you to comfort them - it's not like they can come and get you instead.

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