How do you organise night duty?

[IndecisivePramBuyer81]

I'm still on mat leave and DH works full time so we agreed I'd take night duty Sunday-Thursday, he does Friday and lets me have a lie in the following morning and we alternate/barter over Saturday. We're both up by 7 on work days.

Recently we've been sleeping training DS so in the interest of consistency I've been taking all the nights. DH sleeps on the sofa so he's disturbed as little as possible.

I've just got up with DS after a particularly bad night, and DH has to cover the late so doesn't have to be in until later and he's gone back to bed for an hour leaving me with DS.

Is that fair? I can't help but feel he should've let me have that hour. Or am I being selfish? He freely admits work is easier than looking after DS!
Am thinking I need to suggest a rearrangement of duties in the New Year!

3 children in the last 5 years and I have done ALL the nights and ALL the mornings....
DP works a stressful job and does long hours.... but I do wonder if he is taking the mic...
somehow tonight (before I even saw the thread) he agreed to do every other mornings.... watch this space!

I do during the week as DP works in a heavy manual job and I feel that he needs rest more than me having seen him work I can safely say that getting up with DS is easier, then at the weekend one does nights one does mornings just depending on how we feel. If DS is going through a bad stage though DP will help with nights grudgingly on work days.

I have to say if DP had a less physically demanding job I would have him doing more.

God, all these women blissfully doing 7 nights a week. I'd have left by now. The first five months were hell on earth. Being up every hour or two nearly did for me. I can't sleep when the baby sleeps. Now at 7 months old she only wakes twice a night.

My DH does Friday night duty and he complains about it all week and slinks off to bed Saturday lunchtime. Fucking ridiculous.

I think it's only right the dh/p's do their share. Mine didn't initially because I just got on with it and even went to the spare room not to wake him but then one morning he looked at me and thought I looked I'll so he suggested three nights. Even tonight when he gets home from work party (he doesn't drink) he will takeover.

I think it is fair, then I am fresher in the day and there is no bad feeling.

Whoever wakes first goes to DS unless they're too tired to move in which case the other person gets nudged. At first DH always got up to pass DS to me because I was recovering, then I generally didn't disturb him because DS always wanted milk (although DH was woken when I was reaching the end of my tether or for nappy changes).

We're both equally tired so it seems to work.

I do all the night wakings, although DS now sleeps through most nights. DH is off work Fri/Sat/Sun so he gets up with DS and takes care of him until whatever time I decide to drag myself up. DH doesn't do lie ins as they mess up his body clock and make it hard for him to get up for work, absolute heaven for me.

Dh and I alternate with me doing slightly more. When was on mat leave with both dc I did all mornings for about 4 months and then thought hold on a minute this is a full time job too he needs to share. Needless to say dh wasn't impressed. I had pnd with both though, maybe that made a difference. We both work FT now and am expecting dc3 so will be 'encouraging' dh to do more of the mornings pretty soon.

I do all the night wakings, although he will go to dd1 if I am busy with dd2. all I am doing is bf then back to sleep though so there is nothing much happening that I need him for. he mostly has a lie in on a Saturday and me on a sunday. most importantly for me - whenever there is a chance I have a nap on a weekend afternoon and he will do whatever.

also - he would always wake if I asked him so I feel totally supported.

its what works for you really isn't it?

I do all the nights, DH does all the mornings. Midweek he sometimes has to wake me as he's leaving, on the weekends he lets me sleep. Sometimes if I'm awake I'll just get up and do the morning but that's maybe once a month. We never sleep past 8 though, so we're talking an hour/hour and a half tops. Works for us and when one of us steps in and does the opposite it feels like a lovely favour so no resentment.

I'm a sahm with 2 dcs. I've done all the nights with them both. Still do with 20 month-old bad sleeper.

When on Mat leave I did all the nights and worked hard to ensure they slept through from 7 til 7 with no interruptions asap - by 10 and 11 weeks respectively!

Because that's all down to your hard work and nowt to do with your babies? Crazy.

Oh well done fireandlife. I'm also "working hard" to ensure that my babies are tall and blue eyed and sporty. Because none of this is down to luck and genetics, right?

I've always done nights with mine, mainly because DH works nights so no other option! Its a bit of a pain as I don't sleep well if woken in the night but there you go. in some ways its good that there was no alternative as we can't argue about it. His night shift suits for other reasons.

Always shared/ take turns.

As small babies I would feed, then dh would change/ resettle.

Now toddlers if they wake we would take turns. They only really wake now if ill though so we tend to both go in to see if they have fever etc etc. well one goes and a few mins later if still gone the other feels guilty and follows.

Luckily they have only ever woken 0-4/6 months regularly, then have generally slept through

Love it, sunny

I have had one full night's sleep in 14months - since our 13month old twins were born. Don't mind that too much as they're breast fed but as we co-sleep at the moment I usually end up doing breakfast too and the onus is on me to wake him up if I want a lie in (which defeats point). We both work a four day week. Last weekend he did breakfast on sat but when i got up at ten went back to bed until one. Grrrrrr. He seems to forget i'm not getting a full nights sleep and he is. However we're moving them into their own room soon and trying to night wean them soon and then he'll be doing offering water at night so will get own back (mwah ha ha).

I have had one full night's sleep in 14months - since our 13month old twins were born. Don't mind that too much as they're breast fed but as we co-sleep at the moment I usually end up doing breakfast too and the onus is on me to wake him up if I want a lie in (which defeats point). We both work a four day week. Last weekend he did breakfast on sat but when i got up at ten went back to bed until one. Grrrrrr. He seems to forget i'm not getting a full nights sleep and he is. However we're moving them into their own room soon and trying to night wean them soon and then he'll be doing offering water at night so will get own back (mwah ha ha).

Ur lucky u get ur husband to do night duty! Mine has done one or two nights the entire 8 weeks! We have had a night nanny a few times, thankfully,mor I would be a complete zombie! I'm still so tired! Wish he would do one night a week!!

My mother always told me that a woman on mat leave should do it all. I just went with that initially. Bad idea. Had horrible PND and anxiety worsened by sleep deprivation. I don't now think it's a great idea for woman to do it all.... I was bfing and will bf baby 3 so night itself I will manage with baby but should get lie ins/naps. Or express and have some breaks.

I bf so I did all nights plus when on Mat leave its reasonable to do nights if dh works. Still got lie in on weekend.

Once I went back to work I had ds sleeping through so was lucky. If he did wake we would ad hoc take turns.

I usually wake before dh so do it but if I was too knackered if make him do it. It's just best to not get into habit of doing it all as some dh will never do it then!

Also remember v different ballgame with one vs 2, 3 or more. So consider habits etc. Whatever about one baby, having more than one can be infinitely harder than work and v v stressful at times. You don't have that slower pace or quiet/opportunity to rest and contrary to what some would have you believe it can be mentally taxing trying to work out the demands of a toddler while you juggle a baby's routine.... just as much so and for me often more so than 'real work'. The notion maternity is a baby holiday where intense sleep deprivation doesn't fuck you up because it's all so easy peasy while the poor poor man has to struggle on and provide is mainly just antifeminist bullshit. I'd have killed to split it, roll on better equality in terms of domestic work... being at home with kids IS work and requires you to be safe to drive, cook, take care of others etc so no reason for it to always play second fiddle to the paid work.

Mama - not being funny but didn't you discuss things like parenting before you had a child? We had discussed parenting styles, how we would work 100% together etc etc years before we chose to have children. Why should one parent get the better deal? Dh has said some of his fondest memories are of rocking baby to sleep after I had fed at night

Yeah. Just get in a time machine and get your act together op.

Of course all discussions about parenting pre-dc reflect the way you do things together forever more