Retorts for anti-breastfeeding people

[beccala]

Hi all

I've got a 3 month old who I am exclusively breastfeeding. I am quite nervous about feeding her in public, have done it a couple of times but only when DP is with me. I know legally I can do it anywhere etc. And I think rationally that it's probably fairly unlikely that anyone would really say anything to me if I did anyway. But I would feel better if I could think of a short sharp response on the off chance anyone did actually tell me they didn't approve.

So, any suggestions? Anyone got a good response they've used?

[poopooheadwillyfatface]

I never had a single comment or even a look that wasn't positive. I was quite disappointed in a way The only issue I had was people coming right in my face to look at the baby and not noticing I was feeding - a couple of times I ended up saying - unless you want to see my boobs do you want to keep back a bit

Q - Do you want to do that somewhere else?
A - no I'm fine here thanks (big smile)

[Biscuitsneeded]

I don't think you'll get any hassle. The only times anyone ever came and spoke to me about the fact I was breastfeeding was to say how good it was to see a mother feeding her child.

[Mamabear12]

I havent had anyone really say anything to me and I have breastfed a lot in public. Once in hotel I was asked if I would like somewhere more private (was in busy lobby) and gladly agreed. They sent me to a nice private room and I was so thankful to be able to sit on nice couch and private room to breastfeed more comfortably!

[OpalTourmaline]

Only comment I remember was from my sister who said "Can't you do that in the toilet?" Wish I had thought to say "Only if you eat your dinner in the toilet too."

[AnotherWorld]

Fed all three of mine all over the place and never had a bad comment. Not once. Which was a shame as I was fully prepared.

I hope you have the same experience OP!

[happyfrogger]

I think it's quite unlikely you'll get negative comments. I've found that as other posters have said some people will be a little uncomfortable or blush or not want to sit next to you. That's not them being awful, it's understandable as they don't want to be 'caught looking' or feel like they're intruding on a private / intimate moment or just because yes, you are using your breasts and not everyone is used to the 'concept' of them being out in public. Yes, I know you don't see much boob. But not everyone wants to look you square in the eye and smile, nor is it so commonplace to them that they don't notice or simply ignore. I fed DD1 for 14 months and now on DS1.

The thing that baffles me most is the posters willing people to comment and looking to pick a fight. If you are so pro breastfeeding in public as is your right, why do you want a fight? Seems silly to me, just get on with it and enjoy!

[rrreow]

Practice feeding in front of a mirror (latching on/off). I've found that most people when feeding just look like they're cradling their baby. I'm on DS2 (fed DS1 until he self-weaned at 14mo) and have never had any comments at all.

As for what to do when someone does make a comment, I'd say just smile sweetly and go about your business. People who comment negatively are looking for a reaction / argument, so don't give 'em one.

[KatAndKit]

I live in an area of low breastfeeding rates. I rarely see breastfeeding in public round here. But i fed DS for 14 months and never got a single negative comment. A few old ladies made nice comments about my gorgeous pfb but that was it. Everyone else just carried on minding their own business.

[PeterParkerSays]

I never got a negative comment. I think Dh psyched himself up to stride in and defend my right to feed if required, but never needed to. I had a scarf I used to have around my neck that folded out to a square which I draped over the baby if I was feeling self conscious. I do remember being in a pub for lunch when I was pregnant and saw a woman on the table next to us getting an apron out of her bag - pale blue, picture on it, standard cook-your-dinner apron, which she stuck over her head and then fed the baby underneath. Utterly bizarre - why would you want to carry an apron round with you? Surely that focuses more people's attention that just bunging the baby up your jumper discretely?

[JingleJohnsJulie]

Fed both of mine everywhere too and never got a negative comment, in fact it was the opposite. People have been very nice and even fetched me glasses of water.

If you are worried, have you tried going to a bfing support group? Being in a room with other bfing mothers made me realise that you just look like you are cuddling your baby

[roweeena]

The only negative comments I've had about bf have been from my own mum & auntie who find the whole thought of it abhorrent and anyone who feeds over 12 months bonkers. I stopped feeding DS at 13 months and plan to feed DS2 for as long as possible/ as I want. I just listen to what they say, smile & ignore

[Twattergy]

I fed anywhere and everywhere for 10 months. No one cared. Didn't even cross my mind that someone might be bothered by it. When you are bringing up a small child the last thing you should be doing is giving a shit about what other people think about the way you feed it.

[DingDongUriGelleryOnHigh]

I've fed 4 babies without a single negative comment.

The best feeds are calm, relaxed feeds when you're not nervous or on your guard ready for any adverse comments so you really have to believe that there will be none.

When i was young and a bit greener I sometimes daydreamed I was Mary and I was feeding my baby Jesus. Who the fuck would challenge that?!

Great news that you're planning on feeding our baby yourself. Congratulations!

[MadMonkeys]

I breastfed DD2 for over a year and I have NEVER had a negative comment about it, or even any funny looks. I did get lots of lovely approving looks and a few very nice comments. I did always ask the receptionist in places like doctors waiting rooms if it would be ok for me to breastfeed there - nobody ever said no.

[BeansAndCheese]

When we were out for meal last weekend some people on the table behind got huffy and grunted a bit when my dsis was feeding hers, but didn't actually say anything. I think the wife got a bit snotty because she thought the husband copped an eyeful of dsis enormous tits breasts. He didn't. I never got any negative comments, and if I do with number 2 I think I will tell them to do one.

[Helpyourself]

Don't meet trouble half way.
No comments over 3+ years all over the place!

[waitingforwombat]

Same here - 5 months in and I am brazen and feed anywhere and never had a negative comment. Lots of older ladies coming up and saying how lovely it is that "modern women" can feed in public, and a elderly man at church who loves to call DD the "milky bar kid". People in coffee shops fall over themselves to get me glasses of water/refills etc.

I also have had several people come up to me wanting to see the baby and only realised I am feeding right at the last minute (including my brother and a young man in a coffee shop, both of whom nearly died of embarrassment!!). Now I am hardly a super discreet feeder and DD likes to pop off and gawp around at people so it just goes to show how little you can actually see with a babies head in the way.

I'm all ready with my "everyone else is eating/drinking in public why can't my daughter" and "I'm sorry you have been brainwashed into thinking they are sexual objects, but the fact is my breasts are for feeding" but never had the chance....

[VikingLady]

I've only had a couple of negative comments, and only from people I know who were using it to get at me - not strangers, and not really about the feeding itself, iyswim. And I am not even remotely discreet! DD is 22m now and just hauls my top down and latches on in public!

The response I have prepared just in case is "Yes, I am bf. I happen to love my baby and am doing the best for her. Your point?"

(I should point out I don't say anything about it to people who don't start it!)

[oadcb]

Older man in doctors waiting room whilst i was waiting for HV to his wife.

She should have fed that baby before she came out.

Me

I did and I will fed her now. You should mind your own business.

HV has since put a breasfeeding poster

[DinoSnores]

Only comment I've had in 2 years of BFing was from my mother who, as I fed my 2 week old son in the John Lewis cafe, suggested I put a muslin over him to cover his head. I didn't.

A poster above mentioned being worried about feeding in a Muslim country. If anything, it should be easier there. In Islam, BFing is very much encouraged. In the Quran, I think but it might one of the other writings, women are commanded to feed for 2 years.

[Jeggie]

Never had a rude comment in 2years! In fact in the early days, lots of nice smiles.

[tassisssss]

By my 3rd I fed in Halfords (standing up) while buying ds a bike!

Just Do It OP, you'll get way more smiles and encouragement than negativity.

[rallytog1]

On the other side of the coin, I had to ff my dd (primary lactation failure, in case you're interested) and have had lots of negative comments when feeding her in public, such as "that baby should be being breastfed" muttered loudly by one lady passing me in the M&S cafe. I've also felt quite left out at a baby group where a leader told me that the comfy chairs are for the bf mums and those of us using bottles should sit on the floor to feed.

I don't say this to be negative about bf in any way. I am totally pro and was devastated when I couldn't do it. However, I'm finding as a Mum, someone will always have an opinion on how you're doing things, and that opinion will always be that you're doing it wrong! We just can't win, so the best thing is to carry on doing what you know is right for you and your baby, and support other women, even if they doing things differently. Only then will public opinion start to change.

[Sparklingbrook]

I have never witnessed any of this with my own eyes. it makes me to think that strangers can even think they can tell you what to do.

I don't understand how it affects anyone at all.

There should be a badge.

[17leftfeet]

I was feeding in Pizza Hut once and the waiter told me there was a chair in it disabled toilet if I would be more comfortable

'No, quite happy here'

Nothing more was said -he was embarrassed telling me but after he spoke to me he went straight over to another table so I bet those buggers had complained!