Retorts for anti-breastfeeding people

[beccala]

Hi all

I've got a 3 month old who I am exclusively breastfeeding. I am quite nervous about feeding her in public, have done it a couple of times but only when DP is with me. I know legally I can do it anywhere etc. And I think rationally that it's probably fairly unlikely that anyone would really say anything to me if I did anyway. But I would feel better if I could think of a short sharp response on the off chance anyone did actually tell me they didn't approve.

So, any suggestions? Anyone got a good response they've used?

[Flambards]

I've never had any comments but like you I like to have a comment ready so if anyone was rude enough to make a negative comment I'm going for 'I'm sorry you are so energised about my son's lunch'. Gets the job done

[OneMoreThenNoMore]

I only had slightly negative comments from family members once my dc were over the age of 12 months and I was still feeding them. These people were pro-bfing, but apparently only up to the year mark- after that babies shouldnt be bfing, in their opinions

I was always a bit worried about feeding in public with dc1, as I was convinced that someone would comment. I obviously did feed in public but I was very discreet about it for this reason. I wore a vest under my top to hide my belly, and often used a scarf or muslim to cover up a bit.

I only ever got positive looks/comments from strangers though . And by the time I had fed her for 16 months and started feeding dc2, I didn't really care what other people thought.

I think if I had ever received a negative comment from a stranger, I would have either told them to fuck off or mind their own business, depending on my mood

[TerrariaMum]

I think most people either don't care or don't notice.

I have never had any negative remarks, but when I was first bfing while out, it did help my personal confidence to have a ready retort in my head. So I understand where you are coming from, OP.

Mine was nicked from Libby Purves: Screaming or feeding? You choose.

Short and easy to remember.

[Catsmamma]

3 dcs here...fed them all over the place. Never had a murmur from anyone.

As others have said, there's very little to see....I always used the "up and under" method, so usually a big cardi and a shirt on, with a vest top underneath...cardi and shirt open and then it's just the vest top to keep up, so baby face doesn't end up stifled

and the cardi keeps the draughts away! :D

[CailinDana]

Like others the only vaguely negative comments I've had were from family. With ds (my first) both DM and MIL constantly asked when I would give up feeding. Both PILs also made "funny" comments about how I would have to give up when ds was teething. They were all totally fixated on it. After about 7 months of answering the same question over and over I just started saying "In two weeks" every single time. It took them about 3 months to get the message.
With dd (11 months) MIL haven't said a word. FIL makes his "funny" comments about me stopping when she has teeth despite the fact she already has four. He's a nasty idiot though so I ignore pretty much everything he says.
Out and about no one seems to take any notice of me feeding.

[CailinDana]

L

[VikingLady]

I've been thinking about this thread as DD now tends to haul my top down and help herself. I reckon over the last two years I've had more negative comments about:

She should/shouldn't be wearing a hat
She needs shoes on
Her coat is wrong
She should eat more/less/different food
She should be talking by now and it's my fault she's not
Nappy choices (disposable/reusable/brand)
Amount of TV watched and content

I expect there is more! And you do get a lot of lovely comments too!

[Sparklingbrook]

What are the complainers complaining about? What are they worried about?

[17leftfeet]

I was feeding in Pizza Hut once and the waiter told me there was a chair in it disabled toilet if I would be more comfortable

'No, quite happy here'

Nothing more was said -he was embarrassed telling me but after he spoke to me he went straight over to another table so I bet those buggers had complained!

[Sparklingbrook]

I have never witnessed any of this with my own eyes. it makes me to think that strangers can even think they can tell you what to do.

I don't understand how it affects anyone at all.

There should be a badge.

[rallytog1]

On the other side of the coin, I had to ff my dd (primary lactation failure, in case you're interested) and have had lots of negative comments when feeding her in public, such as "that baby should be being breastfed" muttered loudly by one lady passing me in the M&S cafe. I've also felt quite left out at a baby group where a leader told me that the comfy chairs are for the bf mums and those of us using bottles should sit on the floor to feed.

I don't say this to be negative about bf in any way. I am totally pro and was devastated when I couldn't do it. However, I'm finding as a Mum, someone will always have an opinion on how you're doing things, and that opinion will always be that you're doing it wrong! We just can't win, so the best thing is to carry on doing what you know is right for you and your baby, and support other women, even if they doing things differently. Only then will public opinion start to change.

[tassisssss]

By my 3rd I fed in Halfords (standing up) while buying ds a bike!

Just Do It OP, you'll get way more smiles and encouragement than negativity.

[Jeggie]

Never had a rude comment in 2years! In fact in the early days, lots of nice smiles.

[DinoSnores]

Only comment I've had in 2 years of BFing was from my mother who, as I fed my 2 week old son in the John Lewis cafe, suggested I put a muslin over him to cover his head. I didn't.

A poster above mentioned being worried about feeding in a Muslim country. If anything, it should be easier there. In Islam, BFing is very much encouraged. In the Quran, I think but it might one of the other writings, women are commanded to feed for 2 years.

[oadcb]

Older man in doctors waiting room whilst i was waiting for HV to his wife.

She should have fed that baby before she came out.

Me

I did and I will fed her now. You should mind your own business.

HV has since put a breasfeeding poster

[VikingLady]

I've only had a couple of negative comments, and only from people I know who were using it to get at me - not strangers, and not really about the feeding itself, iyswim. And I am not even remotely discreet! DD is 22m now and just hauls my top down and latches on in public!

The response I have prepared just in case is "Yes, I am bf. I happen to love my baby and am doing the best for her. Your point?"

(I should point out I don't say anything about it to people who don't start it!)

[waitingforwombat]

Same here - 5 months in and I am brazen and feed anywhere and never had a negative comment. Lots of older ladies coming up and saying how lovely it is that "modern women" can feed in public, and a elderly man at church who loves to call DD the "milky bar kid". People in coffee shops fall over themselves to get me glasses of water/refills etc.

I also have had several people come up to me wanting to see the baby and only realised I am feeding right at the last minute (including my brother and a young man in a coffee shop, both of whom nearly died of embarrassment!!). Now I am hardly a super discreet feeder and DD likes to pop off and gawp around at people so it just goes to show how little you can actually see with a babies head in the way.

I'm all ready with my "everyone else is eating/drinking in public why can't my daughter" and "I'm sorry you have been brainwashed into thinking they are sexual objects, but the fact is my breasts are for feeding" but never had the chance....

[Helpyourself]

Don't meet trouble half way.
No comments over 3+ years all over the place!

[BeansAndCheese]

When we were out for meal last weekend some people on the table behind got huffy and grunted a bit when my dsis was feeding hers, but didn't actually say anything. I think the wife got a bit snotty because she thought the husband copped an eyeful of dsis enormous tits breasts. He didn't. I never got any negative comments, and if I do with number 2 I think I will tell them to do one.

[MadMonkeys]

I breastfed DD2 for over a year and I have NEVER had a negative comment about it, or even any funny looks. I did get lots of lovely approving looks and a few very nice comments. I did always ask the receptionist in places like doctors waiting rooms if it would be ok for me to breastfeed there - nobody ever said no.

[DingDongUriGelleryOnHigh]

I've fed 4 babies without a single negative comment.

The best feeds are calm, relaxed feeds when you're not nervous or on your guard ready for any adverse comments so you really have to believe that there will be none.

When i was young and a bit greener I sometimes daydreamed I was Mary and I was feeding my baby Jesus. Who the fuck would challenge that?!

Great news that you're planning on feeding our baby yourself. Congratulations!

[Twattergy]

I fed anywhere and everywhere for 10 months. No one cared. Didn't even cross my mind that someone might be bothered by it. When you are bringing up a small child the last thing you should be doing is giving a shit about what other people think about the way you feed it.

[roweeena]

The only negative comments I've had about bf have been from my own mum & auntie who find the whole thought of it abhorrent and anyone who feeds over 12 months bonkers. I stopped feeding DS at 13 months and plan to feed DS2 for as long as possible/ as I want. I just listen to what they say, smile & ignore

[JingleJohnsJulie]

Fed both of mine everywhere too and never got a negative comment, in fact it was the opposite. People have been very nice and even fetched me glasses of water.

If you are worried, have you tried going to a bfing support group? Being in a room with other bfing mothers made me realise that you just look like you are cuddling your baby