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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Scared they will take my baby if I ask for help

68 replies

TheJollyPam · 09/12/2013 14:09

I have pnd. Low dose medication. Not working anymore. My dd is 3 months.
I can't cope any more. I hate being a mum and hate being on my own with my dd all day. My dh is much better with her than I am. He's been off for a few days but back at work now and I was in tears by midday because dd was fighting sleep. I don't know what to do with her and keep wishing she would sleep all day like a newborn so I don't gave to deal with her. She's not even a difficult baby. She only wakes up once a night or sleeps through and is happy amusing herself in bouncer or on her playmat. But I still can't cope. She cries in the pram or sling so I stay in most days with her and don't go to any groups.she likes being carried in my arms but hates it when I put her in a sling.
I think I need my meds increased but am terrified of going back to gp incase they contact social services. Some days I'm fine but more often lately I struggle and I'm scared I'm going to snap.

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Original poster

TheJollyPam · 11/12/2013 14:56

I haven't seen her for ages. The doctor has just phoned and im going to see him in an hr.

OP posts:

Mignonette · 11/12/2013 14:58

My stepdaughter is training to be a MW. I flicked her two main course textbooks last night. One of them had 2 paragraphs on Post Natal depression and hormonal/emotional changes that can manifest after childbirth. The other did not mention it at all. i am appalled at this especially w/ regards to the fact that the same textbook had two pages on the structure of a sperm!

MW's have very little training in mental health and are shockingly deficient in knowledge. Hardly surprising when this is the quality of their training materials. Anyway, rant over.

You MW was talking utter nonsense. They will not take your baby away. It is a good thing you want to be better for yourself and your family. Your GP can help you and many cases of PND can be treated without recourse to the MH services. There are support groups online you can access. Have you googled them in your area? MIND can also help. Please have a look now as some of them have telephome counsellors or online advisors who can help you cope in the immediate future.

Please go to your GP. You can also PM me for more private and specific chat (I am an RMN).

. Treatment will make you better.

afromom · 11/12/2013 15:10

I'm glad the GP has arranged to see you quickly, you need to be honest and let them know how bad things are, As they can only help if they know the full extent.

Do you have the contact details for your local children's centre as you can call them and self refer yourself for support from them. They will have a team of family support workers who can come out to your house and visit you each week to work through the PND and feeling of isolation. They will also go along with you to groups if you feel that this may help. They have links to all of the agencies that could help you and will be able to help you to access any support that you feel may be helpful to you.

I used to work as a family support worker, most of the families that we worked with had some form of mental health issues, you are not alone, although I know it feels like that when you are in the middle of it with no support.

Keep talking to people and don't be scared to ask for help. Even as a professional in the field of child protection, I can't remember a time when social care have even been involved with a family for PND only. Please don't worry about that, you are doing the right thing asking for help and showing what a good mum you are wanting to do the best for your child.

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MmeCinqAnneauxDor · 11/12/2013 20:49

Glad that the doc agreed to see you today. Hope that he helped.

I realise that you might not want to say where you live in here, but if you are near Dundee, PM me. I am happy to come around and drink tea with you, or take you and your baby out for coffee and cake. (without my Xmas name, I am MmeLindor, regular MNetter and non scary person)

Original poster

TheJollyPam · 11/12/2013 21:06

Thanks for the lovely offer, Lindor. And batteryhen. I live near Great Yarmouth though!

The gp has upped my dose so hopefully that will help. He also said he would let my hv know I'm finding things difficult.

Thanks for all the adviceand support, I really appreciate it. I didn't know you could self refer to the children's centre for help.

OP posts:

MmeCinqAnneauxDor · 12/12/2013 16:01

That is good, glad that he was helpful. How are you doing today?

scoobydooagain · 12/12/2013 16:14

Ask your HV about a referral to Surestart/Early Years Centre (even if they don't take babies until 6 mths by the time process is completed will be near to 6mths and you can get outreach work before then). Your local council may run free gym memberships for people with low mood - ask your HV if this appeals. Your HV /GP should be able to refer to counselling/CBT/mindfulness if you wish. Baby massage also good for mum and baby, your Surestart centre hopefully runs subsidised classes or someone in HV team may able to do one-one sessions. Good luck

Jinglejohnsjulie · 14/12/2013 01:25

How are you getting on now jolly? Is your DH home this weekend?

Original poster

TheJollyPam · 14/12/2013 09:25

Bit better thanks. I saw a friend yesterday and we went out for a walk to the cafe in the park. I had dd in the sling and she was really happy in it! I also managed to walk to the shop with her in the pram on Thursday and she didn't cry at all. Hoping we have turned a corner with going out now!

DH is home

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Jinglejohnsjulie · 15/12/2013 10:00

That's all such good news . How did you get on at the doctors?

Elwyn · 15/12/2013 14:07

I cannot advise regarding PND but I thought I would post a small suggestion regarding your DD not liking the sling. Have you considered using a hipseat baby carrier? I have a hippychick hipseat (about a fiver on ebay) and DS loves sitting on it and I sometimes take him all the way to toddler groups in it (15 min walk). DS is admittedly 17 months old and I have found info to say only suitable for 6 months to 3 years but it might be worth bearing in mind for the future if she continues to not like the restriction of a sling?

Original poster

TheJollyPam · 15/12/2013 14:47

Thanks Elwyn, I'll consider one of those for when she's a bit bigger!

JingleJJ, gp upped my medication and said he would let my hv know I was feeling low again.

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/12/2013 21:05

Glad you are getting some support from your GP, did they mention CBT too?

tinyturtletim · 15/12/2013 21:07

Where are you op?

Wondering if anyone can give you a helping hand x

Jellymum1 · 15/12/2013 21:09

Please ask for a talking therapy too! I had pnd and im right with you. I ended up on max dose anti ds but the best thing in the end was counselling and cbt. I didnt think it would help as i felt there wasnt a "reason" i was depressed but it really really helped! Xxx

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/12/2013 21:26

I didnt think it would help as i felt there wasnt a "reason" i was depressed but it really really helped

Like I said up thread , not had PND but did have depression after a mc and felt exactly the same Jelly. Was convinced CBT wouldn't help me and also felt really guilty just about feeling that way. Did take the meds but really think the CBT was the thing that got me through.

Original poster

TheJollyPam · 16/12/2013 08:48

I had some cbt sessions a few years ago but it wasn't the right time and I found it really distressing. I would try it again though, will have to mention it to my gp next time I go (just remembered I need to book a follow up!). I think it might help to talk about things, particularly around the birth of dd and what followed, I was so out of it after losing quite a lot of blood that I couldn't hold her much for the hours that followed. Then I convinced myself something was seriously wrong with her (there isn't, she's perfect). So it took me a while to bond with her and I feel really sad about those first few weeks now.

Turtle, I'm just down the coast from Great Yarmouth.

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Jellymum1 · 16/12/2013 12:19

Aww jolly i had a difficult bonding time with my dd too After a traumatic birth. It will get better. You are doing the right thing asking forhelp. I stood near train tracks thinking i would just end it all, thank god i decided at that moment to phone my health visitor instead. Many months of hard work followed but it does get better with the right help. Also ask your heqlth visitor or midwife to set up a birth reflections meeting. I only had mine last week (dd is 4) i pushed for it because i am pregnant again but i wish id have done it sooner. It really helped heal some of those emotional wounds. (Hugs)

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