Gardening in the winter sun. 40-something mums Christmas thread

[somewherebecomingrain]

40-something mums with babies of all ages - please join us. The 20-something and 30-something mums will never satisfy you like this thread.

[rosiedays]

Hang on in there ladies ....
Dh has decided he's not doing Xmas after all. So glad i set my expectations low. I however have decided dd and I are doing Xmas. I have had warm mince tarts and a glass of wine IN the bath. Everything is set for Christmas morning. i havre gifts to give rosebud and a (very nice) gift for her to give me. :) my girls are together at my parents for breakfast and we'll all face time.
Have a wonderful day everyone. Xx

[blueblackdye]

Happy Xmas, Ladies !
I have been rubbish at posting, 2 kids running wild at home, washing laundry and packing again....
Wishing you all a peaceful night and day.
Special waves to Scarecrow, hope all goes well with in laws, hang in there
To Somewhere, great advice from Knotty, Scarecrow, Rosie, separate sister time and kids time, wait until after Xmas, could you find someone who could be a messenger ?
To Rosie, enjoy your Xmas with dd/dds !
To Cycle, yeah, yeah, yeah, DS is home, YOU are home too !
Of course, waves to everyone else too.
Lots of hugs

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hello all
scare hope you are ok at home on your own and that there are consolations eg they play together giving you free childcare, in a fashion.

eagle poor eaglet she is always puking is it just one of those things? Is there an explanation?. You are a pretty cool lady, I knew it it is confirmed by this international space station gallivant.

bbd just to hear you refer to my dilemma is soothing. I hope you are getting some time to put your feet up.

rosie I like your style. Sounds simpler than my Xmas!

My dp has gone to a bit of a troublingplace - we are rowing every night now about my sister. Complete with me running out into the street with no key, phone or coat and walking for half an hour to escape shouting/clear my head.

I'm not entirely sure what is going on - am I in denial, or is my dp overreacting? I don't want to lob a grenade into my sisters life unless I'm really sure it's going to promote healthy re growth. It's all terribly complicated this barely covers a tenth of the dilemma but I am so tired.

knotty thanks for Jermaine vid xxx

[blueblackdye]

Eagle, how is baby E tonight ? Does she vomit to get attention, do you think ? :) they are manipulative already, these little ones :) A pretends to cry when she is being a bit naughty and told off and comes to my boob for comfort !!! 2 sec, nothing comes out but all is well, she knows I still love her...
Somewhere, poor you, it is a difficult situation and you are so generous that you cannot not step in. I liked the advice of splitting your time, see you sister just for her, don't take the kids with you, you'd have more time only for her then and DP would not fear for DS being bullied by DN. Hence, less ground for arguments in your couple, although he might not want to mind the kids when you go on your own but then he could be supportive to you if he does and this is one of his duties towards you. Does that make sense ? If you feel like venting out, feel free on here or from Jan, 2nd, pay me a visit, our 2 DS could play together while we look after the girls.
Off to finish packing now.

[EagleRay]

No - definitely not attention seeking. She's had a fever all day that Calpol won't touch, and apart from a brief respite this morning when she ate porridge and played with presents, she's been very sleepy and miserable and vomiting every 3 hours or so. At first I thought it was her cough that was causing it, but it's either snot in her tummy that's irritating, or she's got a D&V bug too. So far into the washing pile has gone all our clothes, playmat, bedlinen, toys, virtually every towel in the house and some christmas presents.

Was getting a bit worried as she's not kept anything down all day. She went to bed on an empty tummy as she'd just vomited her dinner up. May wake her to feed later and also to clear her nose, which was totally sealed over last night - poor thing was gasping for breath.

It doesn't actually feel like she's sick that much - it just happens when she has a cold, and since she started nursery they've been pretty constant.

Anyway, hope everyone has had a lovely day wherever they are. We're supposed to be visiting DP's relatives tomorrow but have a feeling we will have to stay home unless DD improves drastically

[scarecrow22]

Hello lovely ladies!

Well respite comes in unexpected ways: day with in laws has been lovely - they and sister in law and her family so warm and relaxed compared to my exuberantly warm but chaotic and often stressy family, plus they have helped a lot with dc who adore older cousins (g 10, b 15) etc, and we were home in time to have both children asleep 7ish and relax. I'm now only one awake and enjoying my first time alone in ages and ages. I saw a thread remembering a miscarried baby and had the time to think about the baby and mum and reflect on the almost overwhelming blessing that is my beautiful DS, and my enduring deepening love with DD and the wonderful fun and friendship I've found here, and in my own way find Peace in my world. That would feel even more self absorbed than it sounds, except I know I can give more when I have this centered feeling myself. So a clock is ticking on the wall, all is quiet beyond, and I can hear the sound of gunshots or crying in my imagination, and feel safe enough to be thankful and appreciate my fortune in the moment.

And I've not even had a drink

Now going to puncture the magic by grabbing a few bargains in the JoJo sale before I go to bed

Night all, and Happy Christmas x

[scarecrow22]

Xpost eagle - might be worth treating it like a d&v bug and using only water, bm if feels right, and dry white food if she'll eat it, until it passes. Definitely rehydration drink tomorrow if she'll sip that. If she stops weeing or gets confused/clumsy (dehydration) go to walk in centre or a&e.
Hope it might pass in the night. Poor poor you
X

[somewherebecomingrain]

Amazing chat with dp. He has more or less convinced me we need to do tough love on my sis. Now can't sleep. So psyched.

Happy Xmas lovelies.

bbd yy to leaving him w kids when I see sis. That is right up the street of our emerging strategy.

Sorry I am in a solipsistic tunnel but this has been a biggie.

Xxx

[blueblackdye]

Scarecrow, glad you had a lovely day in the end. Don't spend too much on the sales ! I am going to do so in Paris this week end, although it will be private pre sales only, there will be lots of designers cloth, not sure I will buy that much, I hate the idea of kids not being able to move in their cloth because they will get their Kenzo, Catimini or baby Dior outfit dirty....
Somewhere, so relieved you had a good chat with DP ! You will find a way to reach to your sister, because it is sisterhood and genuine feelings that lead you.
Eagle, so sorry for baby E. Hope you won't need to go to hosp. Plain rice, grilled lean meat, banana, water, carrot puree, these are my food to treat upset stomach. No fat at all, no milk, no fiber. FX you have some sleep tonight.

Just emptied the recycling bin, guess what I found: A's comforter ! She must have hidden it after her nap, we spent 20 min looking for it before bedtime... Thanks God, I have 3 of them, 1 for nursery, 1 for home and 1 spare in case there is 1 drying or awaiting wash. Pffff. She is such a funny toddler.
Talking about sibling rivalry, I found that she is the one pushing her older brother away when I give him a cuddle? Can you imagine ? A 16 mo girl pulling her 5 yo brother ? She is lucky he is very caring and loving.

Finished packing, need to empty washing machine now and to bed after a beautiful day of play with kids and DH...

Hope everyone had a lovely time.

[EagleRay]

Gosh BBD your Paris sales shopping sounds terribly posh! I'm so scruffy these days I wouldn't dare show my face in a designer shop. DD sounds very funny pushing her brother away - they learn these things very quickly! Hope you have a lovely time in Paris.

Somewhere am glad you are getting some help with DSis from DP. I'm afraid I really wouldn't know where to start re the problems she is having. I come from a very dysfunctional family but unfortunately it hasn't equipped me with much wisdom. I guess I'm probably going to be spending the rest of my life trying to make sense of it all!

Scarecrow so pleased you had a nice time with the in-laws after all. I totally identify with feeling so blessed - amongst all the vomit and destruction yesterday I found some time to be very, very grateful that we have a baby to celebrate christmas with this year. Christmas is such a sad time for so many people, especially those who have lost babies or are struggling to conceive.

Thankfully DD is a little bit better today. We put her to bed without BF last night (she seemed to be reasonably hydrated with water) and she slept through the night! Boobs were in a bad way this morning though. I fed her just tiny amounts first thing to lessen the risk of vomit (or at least the volume of it) and thankfully no sick. She was still off colour and a bit sad but we managed to visit in-laws for the day. After dinner we put her to bed and when she had night time boob she started choking and gagging, then gave the impressions she wanted us to bugger off and let her go to bed and so we did and she's not woken up since. Hmmm... makes me wonder if she going off BF. Will be a good thing if she is as need to quit totally by the end of Jan due to meds.

Hope no one else is feeling as sick of chocolate as I am

[somewherebecomingrain]

eagle that is good if she is self weaning. Certainly easier. im up right now after being sucked dry by somelet. Glad you made it out on Boxing Day. Poor little eaglet. My ds was one of those babies who catches everything but is now never ill so it's a rum old business - she will strengthen her immune system in the long run.

bbd yes those sweet vulnerable baby sisters (or brothers) suddenly turn into little toddler tyrants don't they with their own brand of mean/annoying. Fall from grace!

Ds sounds v mature. One thing I think you and I are both benefiting from is the age gap. I hesitate to describe my ds as mature but he is much better than he would have been one or two years ago!

scarexrow you sound like you are in a really beautiful place. That is so lovely. I've been a bit distracted this Xmas but flipping heck yes aren't we lucky!

Re my family we maintained a myth that we were superiorly functional for a long time (my dad's fault) and perversely that's a major source of problems. Thought we'd got our shit together when my PD sis went AWOL but we are crumbling again.

Hope we can hold on to the love but the ground is shifting.

My dp isn't exactly helping me, more of a crude intervention which I can tell you has been stressful. But he has made some powerful points.

Anyway yadda yadda re family.

[knottyhair]

Somewhere, it sounds so stressful. Really hope things get better for your family soon.
Eagle, glad your DD is recovering. Yes yes to chocolate fatigue, and general meat/pastry fatigue - I need a prawn curry!
BBD, glad you found A's comforter. And enjoy Paris!
Scarecrow, lovely that you enjoyed your time at the ILs . And beautiful words, very true. I have just ordered a memorial gift for one of my oldest friend's baby girl, who died 7 years ago in January, a few hours after birth, completely unexpected. They have gone on to have a beautiful DS but this loss colours everything.
We had a lovely Christmas Day here with just my parents, very relaxing and low key. Yesterday was as my sister's house, with more family including my 18mth old great niece, and it was an amazing day, full of hysterical laughter and prosecco. Rosa got lots of attention, and was fascinated with my great niece. And DS got to play with his new Nerf guns with DP and my niece's boyfriend. My niece and I both had "surprise" babies last year and it was amazing to look round the room and see the unexpected but wonderful changing shape of our family. Hoping for a quieter day today, although I need to do a workout (feel very sluggish!) and brave the supermarket. Our town centre is flooded still and lots of people without power so we're lucky. Have a good day everyone!

[somewherebecomingrain]

knotty it's a sort of silent psychodrama. No one is saying anything except my dp.

Re lost children I was on an MA in my 20s and one of the women lost her baby by still birth as she was awaiting induction. That MA was an amazing experience socially but we were shattered by it. I visited her and she showed me pics of her baby. I have never forgotten and I think that's one reason I hate being pregnant. So sad. She went on to have two beautiful children I'm glad to say.

I could go on - there have been a few.

We are so lucky.

Xxx

Xxx

[rosiedays]

Lost post. Could cry!
Well sounds like everyone survived and even enjoyed a peaceful Christmas Humdulla.
I too counted my blessings. A warm safe beds and full bellys. With dh home aljazera news is on a lot and its heartbreaking at times.

[rosiedays]

Want to rewrite long post but no energy left
Night all

[catdoctor]

A happy new year to you all,
I too have genuinely counted my blessings this year, really for the first time ever.
Two healthy babies in my 40's conceived and birthed with no issues.
Now I really have to come to terms with the reality of my marriage; 22 years together, 14 years married but I'm so angry with him so much of the time - he is who he is, he never expects me to change.

Best wishes to you and yours.

[blueblackdye]

Yes we are lucky to have healthy, beautiful children, thinking so helps me to get through exhausting times and sad mood.
Had good relax time with some of my brothers at my Mum's. It was quiet and much more enjoyable, we were still 7 adults and 6 kids, DS all afternoon disappeared with his cousins (g 14, b 11, b 9 and g 7yo)
Went to Paul Smith, Baby Dior and Bonpoint pre sales, did not find anything for A (what I was keen on was either hand wash or dry clean !) but found a long sleeve Polo shirt and matching zip jumper for DS. My bank account is happy...
Packing to go home now to visit some relatives in Kent from Monday... Xmas break is exhausting ! Too much food, too many visits... But all worth the effort.

[scarecrow22]

Rosie I feel your weary despair! for a lost post, if it was long

eagle do hope babyE is properly better or well on her way.

Somewhere hope you all survived Christmas without too much family strain. My family all get on and we get stressed so goodness knows it must get hard. I know others torn between siblings and oh over children and it is peculiarly tough

bbd do you have to be an especially good customer to get into the pre-sales?! It sounds v chic

catdoc sympathy re dh. Tell ne if you work it out

[scarecrow22]

DD's latest gem:
dh: be careful (she was jumping on the bed)
dd-"careful is my middle name"

[notsoold]

Hi everyone!!! I hope you all had a nice Xmas!
Sorry I lurk so much but I do lo e reading your posts and send good vibes to those going thru problems.
J is still without routine.seems to resist them!
Still awaking every 3 hours at night and a velcroty velcro baby. A big change for me when I was able to establish routines with dd and ds.!
I was so tired dh found me sleepingsitting on the toilet! He has tried ( during holiday) to have J in the mornings...
And bf is not going so well as well as j bitting ( gumming )really hard.
So keep posting as reading helps my sanity :)

[notsoold]

Ooohhhhh and have a wonderful new year!!!

Xxx
Ps somewhere, no advice here but sympathy xx

[somewherebecomingrain]

notso I used to fall asleep on the loo during pregnancy! Have you checked your iron? How old is j?

catdoctor sorry you are pissed off with dp. We are all pissed off with our dp's on here to varying degrees. Sounds painful I hope it can get better.

scare we always got on. My sis is my best friend. My parents are benign.

My dp DOESN'T get on with his family, he's in the hate Xmas gotta be with family brigade. Not the most extreme but a bit.

I wonder if part of him wants me to be the same cause its his comfort zone. Yet he has pointed out some undeniable home truths about my nephew and sis.

Sorry rumbling on there. Can't afford therapy, y'know. catdoctor if you can I recommend it!

Xxx

[EagleRay]

DD's got a potty with a backrest on it. D'you think there's a gap in the market for a larger version?

[somewherebecomingrain]

Get down to dragons den now!

On a more cheerful note we've had an awesome staycation in kew.

The connecta has been a huge success, allowing me to follow ds right into the rhododendrons etc, except for somelet's combination of outrage and delight that I have a hat on my head. She is within easy grabbing distance in the sling so basically I can't wear my hat.

We took ds to the illuminated trail at kew and it was really all about the funfair for him but it was truly magical.

Xx

[notsoold]

Eagle...
I need one!!! :)

Somewhere J is 10weeks! The cutest lo but not a sleeper at all.
I know the iron is ok because quite a few of us in the family have too much iron and I am one of them.
Love kew!!!