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Original poster

Grandparent sent one chocolate advent calender for 2 children

115 replies

bacon · 02/12/2013 19:12

How do you explain how this works to a 4yr old and 8yr old especially as my MIL sent one each.

OH shakes his head in despair.

This isnt unusual as on her regular travels she buys a fridge magnet between them (not always - may get the free chocolates off the bed).

She does no baby sitting or takes them out.

I'm concerned as the 8yr old may start commenting on this soon

How do I handle this for the future?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

looseleaf · 02/12/2013 19:58

Our 2 year old is happily sharing his with his big sister too as his godmother sent him one. Nothing but gladness & ate a choc yesterday then cheerfully and excitedly have DD her turn today.

flowery · 02/12/2013 20:05

This has got to be the biggest non problem on MN at the moment.

Mind you OP, if you don't know how to explain sharing to your children and your DP is "in despair" at the idea the children might need to share, I can see why you are concerned your 8yo might say something.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 02/12/2013 20:10

Many unfair comments there. I suspect the OP is asking because she feels that her mother is not treating the children all the same.

This year my children have one each, cost £1 each, and they have pictures in. Every other year they have had chocolate ones but I only had picture ones and used to love trying to guess the picture and wanted my children to have the same experience. Mine had more glitter on iirc.

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hermioneweasley · 02/12/2013 20:14

We not only had to share a non chocolate one, but I'm pretty sure my parents re-used the same one year after year.

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/12/2013 20:17

We shared 1 between 3 when I was a child I bought myself one when I went to uni and was very happy I could open a door every day So it doesn't seem unreasonable for your DC to share it. Or mauve she thought your mil would get one so they could gave i've each?

Sirzy · 02/12/2013 20:19

Many unfair comments there. I suspect the OP is asking because she feels that her mother is not treating the children all the same.

Eh? how have you figures that? I can see nothing in the OP to suggest they aren't being treated the same

dementedma · 02/12/2013 20:20

One between 3 Dcs here and no chocolate either !
Shock, horror

tracypenisbeaker · 02/12/2013 20:21

Oh, watch out OP, the MN pile-in has started!

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 02/12/2013 20:25

One dc can open the even days and one can open the odd days. Your mil has given them not only an advent calender but also a maths lesson!

ZenNudist · 02/12/2013 20:26

We just shared an advent calendar between three of us. We didn't have a chocolate one. I think we mainly reused the same calendar. Possibly today's kids ending up totally spoilt with so much handed to them.

I say this as someone who has 1 chocolate £1 Aldi one, one home-made nativity one, 1 non chocolate religious one(gift) and one made up of little books (gift). For a 3yo FFS!

DoItTooBabyJesus · 02/12/2013 20:27

I think it's weird! Buy another one.

In the future,I would say, don't get them a chocolate one, what about an advent candle?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 02/12/2013 20:27

Sirzy - just a feeling I get and the fact I can read between the lines.

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano · 02/12/2013 20:29

another one here who shared with her bro' (non choc) and whose dc share a choc one... We could afford two, especially as there are many that are 2 for 1, but sharing is good for DC!

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano · 02/12/2013 20:29

odd and even days, simples

Sirzy · 02/12/2013 20:30

Or you are completely making up something that isn't there toffee?

flowery · 02/12/2013 20:32

Surely if the issue was not treating grandchildren fairly, the OP would have been "grandparent sending advent calendar for one child not the other", or "grandparent sends other DGC one each but only one for my DC to share". Both of which would have received very different responses.

DoingItForMyself · 02/12/2013 20:34

I shared one with my 2 DBs when I was little, no choc, just lovely pictures. Big bro worked out that if he let us go first he got to open the big double door on Christmas Eve! Took me years to figure that out!

My DCs sometimes have 2 calendars each, scoffing two chocolates every day before school is a bit unnecessary. I'd be happy if they had one between them, they are rubbish at sharing, it would do them good.

SauvignonBlanche · 02/12/2013 20:38

We had one between the four of us and took turns.

randomAXEofkindness · 02/12/2013 20:52

I seem to be getting something different from your post. Your mum doesn't seem to value your dc enough to spend time, money, or effort on them, and you are worried that they will notice this at some point and it could hurt them, as it does you.

If this is what you meant, I think that the best thing to do is wait until they notice and explain to them that people have different personalities and some people are more selfish than others. Try to stress that the apparent lack of care is a deficiency in their gm's character and has nothing to do with the quality of their's.

CreamyCooler · 02/12/2013 21:03

Why is the op's mum selfish for not babysitting etc? She's not the DC parent, she's had her family.

randomAXEofkindness · 02/12/2013 23:39

At all times, in all cultures, children have been looked after by the extended family, not the parents alone. Why do you think that 'family' stops dead at your own dc's cooler?

karmakoala · 02/12/2013 23:52

Wow! The little darlings couldn't possibly be expected to share a gift surely?

MillyMollyMama · 03/12/2013 01:09

I also felt that the grandparents were not that interested in their grandchildren. My DDs had a grandma (my MIL) who did give them money but never babysat, ever, never wanted to come to any school play, Christmas event or similar, never played with them, read to them, or generally thought much about them. She didn't seem to enjoy them at all. They did not appear to notice however and we visited her so they saw her regularly. We were only invited there for a cup of tea though, never for meals. But when MIL died, DD1 crossed her name through in my address book and wrote "she has died" next to it. It seemed a very matter of fact response to a relationship that should, and could, have been so much more. It is not really about an advent calendar, it is about child/grandparent relationships.

Weegiemum · 03/12/2013 01:22

No grandparents sent our dc advent calendars - presumably at 10,11,13 they're too old?

We light a candle on the 4 Sundays in advent on our wreath (and on Christmas Eve) and talk about the meanings (hope, faith, joy, peace and love). Dh bought advent calendars this year but all the dc say they like the chocolate etc but if they had to choose it would be the candles.

If you don't like how it's going, then maybe think about other things to do to mark advent passing?

MrsCakesPremonition · 03/12/2013 01:30

We only ever have one between 2 DCs. They take turns. There is a bit of negotiation about who gets the odd numbers and who gets the even ones (5yo DS wants instant gratification and always wants no.1, 10yo DD looks ahead and realises that no.24 is often a larger chocolate).

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