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Parenting

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Original poster

I feel like I'm the laziest mother on Earth :( Feeling awful and guilty.

61 replies

ApplySomePressure · 02/12/2013 14:50

Long time lurker and have posted in the past, name changed for this.

I have an adorable 7mo DS, he's sweet and funny-I love him so much, but sometimes I just acnnot cope with the relentlessness of it all. Often I just cannot be bothered to play with him and it is making me feel awful.

I work four days a week as a secondary school teacher. I am shattered. DS does not sleep through, we co-sleep and he is FF. DH is hands on and very supportive.

When we get home from Nursery, all I want to do is plonk him in front of the TV. I'm shattered from work and lack of sleep and sometimes it's the only thing that can stop him whinging. I feel so guilty about this as he gets to play with toys all day at nursery and I do not plan any fun things for us to do.

I constantly talk to him and cuddle him, but just cannot muster the enthusiasm or energy to "play" with him. He's often left to play with his toys, whilst DH and I watch from the sofa. When he gets bored of this (usually after 10 minutes) we put him in his walker and out on the TV. Sometimes he can watch hours and hours of TV in one day. I know this is very wrong, but I can't seem to stop. DH and I are both professionals, we know better and didn't imagine ourselves being lazy parents, but we can't seem to get a handle on being pro active parents.

I'm typing this with tears streaming down my face because DS deserves so much more. I feel like I let him down in his early weeks as I just couldn't BF him, and was given so much bad advice which lead to me giving up BF. I'm not sure that I've gotten over this. I was convinced he was TT, but no one listened to me. He was finally diagnosed with TT at 5 months.

I do not have any baby friends. I did have a group of NCT friends, but felt they were judging me because I had to return to work so early, and I have just avoided them since.

Please help me be a better mother, I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

OP posts:

MyMILisfromHELL · 28/12/2013 16:43

All mothers feel guilty about something or other at some point. From what you've described, I'd sat you're doing fine. Parenting is hard work, but it's worth it. Don't feel guilty for stopping bf on bad advice. How were you to know? Your baby is fed with love, as pp said. Co-sleeping will help you get extra sleep IME, even with ff.

You live, you learn. X

monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2013 18:07

Hey you hug him and talk to him all the time, that's a great start! The only bit of your post that would worry me is all the tv but that just sounds like habit on your part. Just switch the tv off and have a rule that it doesn't come on until he goes to bed, then you won't feel bad anymore and if anything you feeling bad is probably the bit that is bad for him! Parenting, it's a frigging minefield!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 28/12/2013 18:19

I'm glad you are feeling so much better.

Dash's post is very 'Real Life' - Disney Parents are few and far between but post loads on MN. For most people life is getting by from day to day with 'fun highlights' it isn't one big huge interactive parenting event - stress not x

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secretsofsanta · 28/12/2013 18:21

Hold on a mintue. You sound like a perfectly good mum. Stop beating yourself up.

nooka · 28/12/2013 18:27

Sounds like things are on a much more even keel for you and you are enjoying your baby much more, so that's fantastic. I had two very close together and went back to work when the younger was three months and it was exhausting! We watched lots of TV, but rather than watching whatever was on we bought lots of DVDs of our favourite children's TV shows (mostly Postgate and Firman) so that we all watched them together, rather than switching off from the children IYSWIM. dh and I still love Bagpuss, Noggin, the Hungry Caterpillar etc :)

I also was lucky in that while my NCT anti natal group were all stay at home earth mama types (lovely, but so not me) the local post natal group all worked (mostly part time, but a different mind set) so I felt much more normal.

noblegiraffe · 28/12/2013 18:33

It's a shit time of year too, the TV goes on far more in winter than in summer in this house. In the summer I can put DS in the garden with a sandpit or some water and he would happily occupy himself as well as he would by watching TV. I'm still not interacting with him but there's no guilt because he is getting fresh air.

Things will be easier when it isn't dark after school.

vichill · 28/12/2013 18:37

My mum unashamedly used the tv to distract us from an early age as I am sure we all do it for an hours peace. I ended up being a fairly well adjusted sociable person and adoring daughter. The lazy destructive parents are the ones who don't talk or cuddle which you do, and playing at that time if day would only over excite anyway. You also co sleep which will give him hours of feeling close, protected and loved.Don't beat yourself up, none of us are perfect.

AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2013 18:41

Oh, OP, please don't be so hard on yourself! TBH, I very rarely play with my two (5&8yo) and 'twas ever thus. I just don't like playing. He'll be fine! He will learn to entertain himself rather than going through life expecting other people to entertain him.

You are not lazy, you are human. I'm glad you're getting the help you need too. None of us are perfect, but most kids turn out pretty well regardless.

Be kind to yourself.

MoreSlummyThanYummy · 29/12/2013 11:56

Oh darling, you sound like me!

I haven't read all the replies (lazy huh!!!) so apologies if I am repeating what has been said.

Firstly give yourself a break! Sometimes it is ok to be 'good enough'. I have felt everything you have felt, especially over breastfeeding which I couldn't do and constantly beat myself up about. You know what, my bubs is almost three and thriving in every sense of the word. And guess what? We watch loads of telly, in fact we are working our way through all the Toy Stories as I type....

Exhaustion is the hardest part, especially when working. My one has only just settled down at night and sleep deprivation affects you in every way....as my mum says it is used as a method of torture! The only thing that worked for us was gradual retreat (in the Supernanny book) but I think yours is still a little too young.

Also I found the whole play thing got a lot easier as he got older, I mean how much can you actually do with a 7 month old.....

You may well have a touch of PND, I did and the pills helped, A LOT!! Go and have a chat with your doctor and see what they say.

Also take a weekend away, you and DH, and pamper yourself, sleep, just be! It will help xxx

dashoflime · 29/12/2013 12:02

Applysomepressure Brilliant to hear how much better your doing! Well done you! You sound like a lovely mum

StealthPolarBear · 29/12/2013 12:11

So pleased to see how this thread progressed. I cane on to diagnose you with sheer exhaustion! Too much tv is not good - I know as my 2 watch far too much and I in general get full nights' sleep. But as oyhers have ssid, small steps to get to where you want to be. Your baby might watch too much tv like my , ahem, school agef children but he has parents eho genuinely love and care for him. He's definitely one if the lucky ones.

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