I feel like I'm the laziest mother on Earth :( Feeling awful and guilty.

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Long time lurker and have posted in the past, name changed for this.

I have an adorable 7mo DS, he's sweet and funny-I love him so much, but sometimes I just acnnot cope with the relentlessness of it all. Often I just cannot be bothered to play with him and it is making me feel awful.

I work four days a week as a secondary school teacher. I am shattered. DS does not sleep through, we co-sleep and he is FF. DH is hands on and very supportive.

When we get home from Nursery, all I want to do is plonk him in front of the TV. I'm shattered from work and lack of sleep and sometimes it's the only thing that can stop him whinging. I feel so guilty about this as he gets to play with toys all day at nursery and I do not plan any fun things for us to do.

I constantly talk to him and cuddle him, but just cannot muster the enthusiasm or energy to "play" with him. He's often left to play with his toys, whilst DH and I watch from the sofa. When he gets bored of this (usually after 10 minutes) we put him in his walker and out on the TV. Sometimes he can watch hours and hours of TV in one day. I know this is very wrong, but I can't seem to stop. DH and I are both professionals, we know better and didn't imagine ourselves being lazy parents, but we can't seem to get a handle on being pro active parents.

I'm typing this with tears streaming down my face because DS deserves so much more. I feel like I let him down in his early weeks as I just couldn't BF him, and was given so much bad advice which lead to me giving up BF. I'm not sure that I've gotten over this. I was convinced he was TT, but no one listened to me. He was finally diagnosed with TT at 5 months.

I do not have any baby friends. I did have a group of NCT friends, but felt they were judging me because I had to return to work so early, and I have just avoided them since.

Please help me be a better mother, I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

My love, my kids are 12 and nine and I still berate myself for Insufficient Interaction

And mainly what MrsDV said.

When they cut the cord they hand over the invisible guilt complex sadly it will doubtless stay with us forever, or so i'm told.

You sound like every other working mum i know, give yourself a break and perhaps consider talking to your GP. You may be dealing with PND.

xx

Another response just to say you sound like you are doing fine. It's so tiring when you are working. I spend my working week wishing I was with DD, but then have a long weekend with her and end up putting the telly on

The single best tip I have had on here is that 15 minutes of concentrated play can win you back the same time, or more, of them playing on their own. This really seems to work well with DD (though she is a bit older). Yes, rolling 427 Playdoh peas is not thrilling, but after that she will amuse herself while I get on with something else. Maybe start to try that?

I don't think I played with ds at all at 7 months !! I just let him watch what I was up to .. Babies are sweet but dull - they become much much more able to interact and do fun things once they are mobile

Your son is whingeing at home because its the endod the day and he is tired !

You must be exhausted - why don't you come up with a realistic plan about telly - keep it off and let him watch what you do / carry him about the house while you do stuff - then after a while of this you put the tv on!

Just gradually reduce it and use when you need to

I don't know anyone who plays with babies tht young - !!! Please stop even trying - if he was your second or third he would just be sitting watching family life - there would be no one to one playing at all

He is also getting so much simulation at nursery I think better he just chills at home with you

Avoiding your nct group sounds like you might be over anxious?

second all other comments. i give my 13mth ds a wooden spoon and bowl to play with when i come home. he loves 'mixing'! we put the radio on and i sit down in the kitchen and drink tea, while sporadically enthusing about how good he is at 'mixing'. he seems v happy. i also stretch out bedtime routine by starting earlier and giving a longer bath which he enjoys.

My DD goes to nursery 3 days a week. For about the length of time you describe. Nursery is full on for them, it really is, so I think some pottering about on their own watching tv or whatever is GOOD at the end of the day. They get a chance to chill out and wind down and it gives you a chance to get dinner sorted etc.

I never even gave a thought to doing anything with her on nursery days, we are all too tired!

I had PND and some of what you say resonates with me, it may be worth speaking to your Dr?

OP, the CBeebies bedtime hour is your friend here - I can't think of any honest mums of little ones I know who don't use it as a help to get through a tricky time of day.

I used to sit on the floor with DS and watch it with him, he'd have his toys too and an intermittent cuddle if he wanted it, with close to zero effort required on my part. DH and I took turns to sit with him or cook dinner.

The other thing to remember is that you can love your children unconditionally but that doesn't mean you have to love every stage of their development. So you're not at one with looking after a 7mo? You will probably turn out to be completely amazing at coping with teenage tantrums.

Can he go to nursery on the day you don't work for a few weeks to give you some time to just re-charge?

I found the stage between cuddly baby where they just sleep in your arms and you can watch crap tv and the stage where they really start interacting and enjoying playing (for my ds around 9 months) really hard. I was great at the cuddling and I'm good at joining in his games but when faced with a baby who really only wants to practise crawling/walking I found it really hard.

The way I got around it was to take ds out all the time (I had long days to fill just the 2 of us) I made a cosy area on the floor (cushions and sheep skin) so it was more comfy for me to sit on the floor my 30 year old bones hurt if I sat on our hard wood floor for hours on end. We also watched TV, I made myself feel less guilty about this by watching tv in ds's minority language (he is bilingual) I also cuddled ds whilst watching tv and made the occasional comment about the program. One of ds's firsts words was iggle piggle

I do feel like a bad mum when we sit and watch tv but like the bf/ff argument I don't think you can tell which adults watched hours of tv and which adults played with super parents who had a never ending supply of energy.

Ds was very early in all his milestones, walked at 10 months, first word at 10 months and he understands directions (can you find the teddy? can you cuddly mummy) in 2 languges and he isn't yet 1. So far I don't think his tv exosure has damaged him.

The way we try to make ds's bedtime routine more fun and interactive is to extend the bath time. Either me or dp have a bath with him, we blow bubbles and have candles, it's really cosy and not exactly playing but still interaction not involving tv.

Good luck with the move :)

OP, I think if you substitute some of the tv for music then you will have a lovely combination and downtime for your child.
He sounds well stimulated during the day and nursery and this is his chill out time anyway.
You and your dh sound great parents btw.

OP, I think if you substitute some of the tv for music then you will have a lovely combination and downtime for your child.
He sounds well stimulated during the day and nursery and this is his chill out time anyway.
You and your dh sound great parents btw.

I was going to add that it all sounds entirely normal and nothing to worry about. But if you did want to try 'playing' more a really easy way to do this is to pop some music on instead of tv, put a couple of cushions on floor and lie on floor with a magazine next to DS. You can then read magazine out loud to your DS if he seems in the least bit interested. The floor is my friend!

Wow, I'm just reading the newest posts before I go to work, and it's the first time in a while that I've got out of bed with a spring in my step.

I feel....normal(ish!). I'm making a real effort to take on all the advice and not be too hard on myself.

I've got to dash off and get ready for nursery/work. I will read all the posts on more detail during break time.

Interesting about posters mentioning counselling- I had counselling in the past to deal with my feelings around my manic/unhappy childhood. Obviously having my own child has thrown up these anxieties again.

Sounds fine, something's that might make it easier for you:

Why don't you try having a bubble bath with him as part of your routine. That way you can both relax, he gets to spend time with you, and clean at the same time. Ours are now 2 and 4 and still love this with either of us. Could do when in so he's already in pjs etc ( and you)

Reading is good. At this age you can still read what you want out loud ie magazine you like and just make it sound good and let him see the pictures. Any things fine

At the weekend make a giant bed on the floor. Provide him with snacks and toys on it and you can half doze

Sorry I vanished for a few days..

So I've made some very positive changes in the last few days, taking on the advice I received here.

Firstly went and spoke to Dr, back on a low dose of AD and beta blockers to ease my anxiety.

I've started to take evening baths with DS and it's just lovely! It's becoming a really special time in our evening. Even DH has become jealous and we have to take it in turns to bathe with DS!

I've also purchased a highchair with a tray (I had a Tripp trapp before) so now DS can watch us potter around of an evening, whilst munching on his snacks/playing with a toy.

I've also taken on the advice about getting on the floor and reading with him- I've made it lovely and comfy, DH and I sprawl out whilst DS listens to us chat/read.

And the TV does still go on, burin not beating myself up about it.

This feels good

Well done!! I am so pleased you feel good about the changes. You are a fantastic Mummy:-).

I've been following this thread and I'm so pleased it's all worked out for you (and your family) and you've got a good response from your GP.

To me, one of the worse thing about PND is that it 'steals' time with your children that you never get back and it's only when you start getting treatment/talk about it that you realise that it had been going on for so long.

Sounds like you've really turned a corner - best wishes to you and your little boy :-)

I have a nearly-3yo and am pregnant. I have been very poorly in this pregnancy and am also a pt teacher. On my days off with ds whilst I have been ill, the tv has been on enormous amounts - there have been entire days of it. He plays well, is imaginative, loving, loved and stimulated at the childminder's and will start pre school in January every afternoon. At weekends dh has been exhausted from working full time and running the house while I have been ill - he comes home and cooks, cleans and does bath and bed so by Sat and Sun our capacity for energetic interaction is low! We do what we can and are grateful to cbeebies! I fully understand your guilt but we can only do our best and your best sounds just fine

Not sure if anyone is still around, but just wanted to say thanks for all the advice. I am feeling far more level headed, and have made small positive changes.

As mentioned DS now has a high chair with a tray, and happily watches me potter around the flat. He will happily eat his dinner whilst I chat to him/wash up in the kitchen - it's really lovely actually. I feel like that's going to be a favourite memory of mine.

Joint bath times are also great, I really look forward to them after being apart from DS.

The ADs are helping too - I feel more rational. I keep coming back to this thread a re-reading all of you advice and support and it's really helping. There are still rough days, but I take each day as it comes.

Pls do not waste your time worrying about this. I did.
With my second, so much more relaxed and so much happier for it.

Trust me...when they are a little older, you will be taking them to the playground, playing actively with them and generally much more involved.

Now is the time where kisses and cuddles are enough.

I've skipped reading any reply staring with "Why don't you...?" Oh my goodness mama. Welcome! You're normal and parenthood, while magical and rewarding is also a minefield riddled with guilt and yes, boredom. Hey our kids get just as bored with us, so don't worry. You don't need to constantly interact and educate, stimulate, and smother kids with attention. I think this has a negative affect. Too many kids constantly expect a stream of interaction and that's why you see all these distracted, frazzed out super mums by the time the kid is 10. Just snuggle. Get on the sofa and have a good long hug, cuddle, and a tickle. The world is FULL of stimulation so the universe will expand for your little one without you having to even lift a finger. I've never been a "get on the floor and play and interact" kind of mum. I just snuggle... selfishly because this relieves my own anxiety and attention like you wouldn't believe. But cuddles on the sofa are a real cure all. Bath time is also brilliant. Music, lots of classic FM has been brilliant for my kids... I used to put them on the gym mat and play classic FM in the background. They seem to respond strongly to classical music, especially Mozart and Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker and Swan Lake. Music is miraculous for a child, very calming. You're tired... exhausted. Honour this and work with it. Don't be hard on yourself. Motherhood is not an Aptamil advert or a lengthy Gina Ford schedule. It's really, really good for kids to have security and serenity and to learn to be on their own, knowing mum is nearby. Don't give a hoot about the TV. For heaven's sake, I think the TV is brilliant compared to my day. There are some great channels and programmes. You get these parents out there that do terrible things and shouldn't have kids and never feel an ounce of guilt. It's always the ones full of love and compassion for their child who never feel good enough. You're doing great! You love and love deeply... so go on, put on Peppa Pig and make yourself a cuppa. :-)

My mum used to plonk me in front of the tv after nursery and she was definitely not a lazy parent. As you say, he plays with toys all day at nursery so no problem with some tv time!