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Parenting

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Original poster

am i being unreasonable?

30 replies

scoobytwo · 08/07/2006 17:52

ds11,when he has a mate round i say they are only allowed to play in garden or in his room,i dont want them in the living room or kitchen&esp not on our pc,do you think thats unreasonable?i just feel that thats "my space" and i have to keep explaining why&dont think i should have to.
dd5 has friends round&they dont seem to listen to take your shoes off ect&run in&out when they please,i also dont want this all the time so some days i say no mates in,is that unfair in your opinion?

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colditz · 08/07/2006 17:53

In my opinion, yes that is unfair.

Original poster

scoobytwo · 08/07/2006 17:54

thank u,can u tell me why you think its unfair please,i wont get offended honest

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suejonez · 08/07/2006 17:59

I think its unfair too, can't put my finger on why exactly. Perhaps because the lounge and kitchen are not your space, they are communal family space. You each have your bedroom as your won space, why is everywhere else "yours" too?

I think its reasonable to have various rules eg no shoes in the living room, only 1 hr on the computer, no boisterous playing in the kitchen while I'm cooking etc and they get thrown out if they break them, or sent to play in the bedroom.

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Original poster

scoobytwo · 08/07/2006 18:00

so why is it unfair to say i dont want my ds11 mates in our "family" lounge/kitchen&on our "family" pc

OP posts:

Original poster

scoobytwo · 08/07/2006 18:01

p.s my bedroom is in no way my own lol as our dds room too small to play all her toys are in ours so she can play in ther&ds1 still in cot in ours lol

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zippitippitoes · 08/07/2006 18:04

kids on my computer annoys me..but then it is a business computer and they go on rubbishy sites etc so I would have no qualms about saying they couldn't use it but would expect them to either have their own or a games console instead

kitchen if they are getting drinks or a snack or sitting at the table doing something yes fine

living room if they are settled if I'm in there myself eg not careering around or being noisy while I'm trying to watch TV

shoes well only bother if great floor or wet muddy weather

Moomin · 08/07/2006 18:14

i think it would be unfair to tell ds that he can't have his mates round full stop. i think you need to lay down some ground rules for when they come round and then show ds that there are consequences if rules aren't respected. but does your ds have his own computer? if not then your 'family' pc is also 'his' as well so he's reasonable in wanting to use it when friends come round - but maybe time on it should be limited like sggested before. it does look a bit mean to exclude your ds's friends from places just because they aren't in your family. fair enough if they are really rowdy but you need to set the rules first and see if they are broken.

MrsBadger · 08/07/2006 18:21

Do feel it's unfair but can't quite put my finger on why. I can see the problem if he had five mates round at once, but only one?
When you have friends round where do you sit with them?

notagrannyyet · 08/07/2006 19:11

I wouldn't want visiting children on the PC. DSs have their own playstation & X Box, so have always refused PC games when friends are round.I have always found their friends very good as regards removing shoes. DSs do it automatically and their friends do the same.Don't mind them in any of the downstairs rooms apart from DH's study.I have got into the habbit of locking the study if certain children are visiting.They know that the computers are in there and won't keep out when asked.Obviously they are allowed in the boys bedrooms, but I do prefer them to play downstairs or out in the garden.

Original poster

scoobytwo · 08/07/2006 20:05

so whys not playing on our pc,or in our living room/kitchen unreasonable when other parents done allow it(my kids parents)when&where in my house is not a playground for all then

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WestCountryLass · 08/07/2006 21:08

I don't know how big your house is but it soudns unfair to me on the grounds that the only place they can go to is their rooms.

Personally, kids can go anywhere in our house except in our bedroom, that is our space. They can go in the lounge, dining room, kids rooms, garden and kitchen if I am not cooking.

I do let kids on our laptops, if they are occupied and not annoying me it is all good

bogwobbit · 08/07/2006 21:23

personally I don't think it's unfair to only allow your ds and his friend to play in the garden or his room. It's your house so why shouldn't you make some 'house rules'
I would think it unfair not to let him have friends round at all though.

Original poster

scoobytwo · 09/07/2006 09:39

can i just say "my" kids are allowed anywhere its my kids mates im talking about

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Moomin · 09/07/2006 10:23

dunno really then. i'm a bit confused. Have they got a track record for being awful/disrespectful when ds has mates round? like someone else said, it's your house so you make the rules. if you don't like the suggestions, you don't have to take them up - each to his/her own. i haven't got teenagers yet but i guess when i do there will need to be some reasonable house rules. but at the same time i would like the dds feeling that their friends are welcome and their house is somewhere they would rather be than hanging out god knows where. if they have tvs/computers in their rooms then teenagers will probably make a beeline for there anyway; but i'd like to think you can get to know who they're hanging round with by talking to them over tea or watching tv maybe? i do think there must be a happy medium for you. again, it's your house and up to you.

LittleCarlos · 09/07/2006 10:28

I dont think its unreasonable... I have kids around me all day and sometimes I want to sit and have some peace and quiet with extra kids running round too. I think letting them go in his room or the garden is perfectly fine.

LittleCarlos · 09/07/2006 10:29

without

fattiemumma · 09/07/2006 10:29

i wouldn't nevessarily make it a rule that they arent allowed in certain area's of the house, except my bedroom.
but i think that i woudl discourage them from using parts of the house if they were being boisterous or noisey. i definatly wouldnt allow them to use the pc unless it was something specific they needed to look at.

i also wouldn't allow them to be runnign around the kitchen, its dangerous. wouldn't stop them going in and out if they wanted a drink/snack.

Original poster

scoobytwo · 09/07/2006 10:33

do you all have 3/4&5 year olds mates round every day too?as i find it hard enough to look after my own toddlers let alone other peoples every day,also i guess the reason for my moan is my ds is only allowed in his mates bedroom&thats a very rare occassion so i always have them here which i dont mind but we are nor rich&things like our pc cost us a lot of money&therefore i dont want mates on it,they have ps2 psp,tv,video,dvd,trampoline in garden,climbing frame&swings in garden ect so i do think they have enough to keep them busy some days without having mates round every day,i know when i was young it was a rare treat to have a mate round&i cerainly didnt play out at the age of 5

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Original poster

scoobytwo · 09/07/2006 10:37

am i makin sense lol

OP posts:

suejonez · 09/07/2006 10:51

You said your son was 11 in the OP so I responded to that. No I wouldn't let 5 yr olds have access to the computer. It sounds to me like you are more crss about the fact that they always come to play at your house and don;t reciprocate, which I think is a reaonable point. Can;t you speak to his freinds mums and suggest you each take it in turns?

edam · 09/07/2006 10:58

DD is five and ds 11, from your OP, is that right?

Some days no mates in, fair enough. You aren't banning friends from your house all the time.

Banning them from the living room is a bit harsh, though, the living room is the social space of the house.

Having your own house rules that their friends have to respect is fine, though, like shoes off (although not personally a rule I'm particularly fond of can see the point if they are playing outside and in). Explain the rules when their friends come round in a firm but fair manner, and then if they break them, show there are consequences - out they go into the garden or something.

Original poster

scoobytwo · 09/07/2006 11:17

yes i guess thats what i more moany about is the fact that its always at my house with ds11&dd5 has littlens for friends,the taking the shoes off is because i also have a baby boy crawling around which isnt nice on a dirty carpet,thanks for all the posts so far

OP posts:

fattiemumma · 09/07/2006 11:21

actually my post is more of a hypothetical one really.

i would be so ecstatic that ds had made a freind that i would allow them full run of the house.!

but yes i can understand why your a little miffed. my brother had d freind like this when wee were younger. he was laways at ours becasue his freind wasn't allowed freinds home. he was a lovely lad and my parents liked him but they did get annoyed that the favour was never reciprocated.

nothercules · 09/07/2006 11:22

sounds okay to me tbh.

Moomin · 09/07/2006 14:47

having friends round is a treat, not an everyday part of life! sounds like you need to put your foot down about the regularity of these visits. i don't think the access to different areas of the house would be such an issue if you weren't overrun on a daily basis. i would definitely be looking at how to reduce/stop the visits rather than cordon off areas of the house!! you should get paid childminding rates if it really is daily!

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