How do you cope with the know-it-all-mother of a younger child?

[Chandra]

That's it really, I feel like just stop seeing her but I think that there should be wiser strategies that allow us to keep the peace without stoping seeing each other.

What annoys me is that she is plainly judgemental, DS can't go slightly out of rails without her saying "My daughter never behave like that", "My daughter knows she won't get away with it" or "We don't keep such "food" in our house", "we will never do that", etc. But.... I don't see her girl behaving better than my DS at her age, she knows some things are good for children and ignores many others, just as I did, so I feel as if we were being judged under the wrong parameters, and probably in a years time she will see her DD acting just as my DS does, but by then she will be busy criticising DS about other things older children do.

I already explained to her that DS behaved just like her DD at her DD age, that he was a great sleeper, that people always complimented us on how well behaved he was, but children change, and suddenly all strategies that worked quite well in the past don't work anymore and you have to search again for others that do. But she doesn't listen...

So, I'm basically searching for ways to shut her up without being rude. Any suggestions?

Laugh up your sleeve because you know its all bollocks

Perhaps advice her to go on MN to get some outlet for her smugness

Just smile serenely and say "Hmmm, yes I used to say that" or "Yes.....you just wait and see" and other infuriating knowing remarks.

It will get on her tits, to the point where she will either pick an argument about it, in which case you can tell her why you started doing it, or she'll stop making the smug comments.

X-posts sobernow

Like a charm

Frankly, the way she's behaving would be rude even if her DD were the same age as your DS and a certified angel.

Not sure what to suggest. One of DH's bosses used to have a standard withering comeback of "Fascinating - but irrelevant". Maybe you could borrow that one rather than getting dragged into trying to justify yourself?

I think I need a better collection of infuriating remarks. Mine doesn't seem to be working up to standard...

Like the other suggestions better, though...

I think I'm at the stage that "Fascinating - but irrelevant" feels more in the spirit of it...

I agree with Sobernow and Greensleeves. Wistful smile for far-off peaceful days, sigh, "ah yes, what joys you have to come!".

Or "gosh, yes, they're so easy at that age aren't they? I remember..." when her dd is behaving well

Or "look, you're really getting on my tits now, will you shut up because you have no idea" . I find that being rude works really well.

Or you could just say parp every time she does it, which will irritate and flummox her....

Carry a small notebook, make a check mark every time she does it, then periodically throw into the conversation "Do you know, that's the twentieth time since [...] that you've told me how perfect your daughter is and what a great mother you are?"

slap her very hard accross the forehead

Or you could just set up a spreadsheet. List all the things she says her DD will never do and then tick off everytime she reaches a new behavioral milestone. Unfortunately, she could be right. Some people just happen to have children who never do anything remotely naughty, sleeps through the night from day1 and never give them any trouble. In these cases all you can hope for is that their next child will be "the real thing"

Get this hat and smile sweetly whilst slowly and pointedly putting it on.

Sounds highly annoying. You kind of hope her dd will do something horrendously naughty in public just to watch the reaction.

just sit back and smile at her naivity.

she probably goes home and wishes her dd was as good as yours...she just needs to make others feel bad in order to help her own sagging ego

Make a sticker chart, divide into five-minute sections and ostentatiously award her a green smiley-face sticker for each five minutes in which she doesn't make a rude remark? Her social skills appear to be on a par with those of a toddler, so it might work....

Wow Tinygang, what an obnoxious hat...perfect!!

It's good isn't it I'd never have the nerve to wear it though - I don't usually like 'whatevvva' but somehow in this case I'd have to make an exception!

I refuse to see anyone that puts my kids down all the time in a non-friendly way. Used to have one friend who would go on about how ds1 was the most severely autistic, most remote child she had ever met (hasn't met many then)ONly one who couldn't talk blah blah blah. Luckily she used to do it to a friend as well so we would compare notes (her dd was the "most kanners, most challenging behaviour"). In the end though I found it draining, although I would do all sorts of eye raising, and bitching after she left. Was a relief to stop seeing her.

I agree with jimjams. I honestly wouldn't choose to spend time with someone who was so negative about me/my child. it doesn't sound very friendly behaviour to me.
I bet it will be relief to stop seeing her. find better friends

Yes, I agree with Jimjams actually. I could not be friends with people who would make such comments about my children. It's rude and hurtful really.

I agree, broadly. But I say have a bit of fun with her first. But then, I am a meanie