Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Do you constantly doubt your parenting skills??

31 replies

mykidsmum · 04/07/2006 14:25

I have recently spent a large amount of time reassuring various friends of mine of their abilities as a parent. I cannot believe what a hard time some of them give themselves over decisions that they have made or whether they do enough etc for their kids. Whilst I accept that we all have times where we feel like crap parents is it really the norm nowdays to constantly feel crap about parenting issues. Is this a product of our society, did previous generations beat themselves up in this way ?
FWIW I don't generally do this myself, not because i am smug, but because i love my kids, and above and beyond everything else thats all that matters. By constantly over analysing my parenting skills, I don't feel I will be doing anyone any favours.
So does anyone else know what I'm harping on about?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pablopatito · 04/07/2006 14:29

Well, I never knew until I had a child of my own, but my mother assures me that she used to beat herself up just as much as I do now.

FioFio · 04/07/2006 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Scumster · 04/07/2006 14:33

No I don't either- very much agree with fio.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

PrettyCandles · 04/07/2006 14:38

My wise HV used to say "You don't need to be a perfect mother, just a good-enough one" but it took me having a second child to realise how true that is. Once I relaxed into it I enjoyed parenthood much more, enjoyed my children much more, and they seemed to enjoy me much more too.

In general I think I'm a good parent (even a "good-enough" one ), but there are times when I doubt myself, or think that I could have done better. I think that's more to do with my personality than my ability or generation, because I have felt like this at many times in my life, and over other things than parenting.

hotmama · 04/07/2006 14:43

I try my best!

I am 1 of 3 and my mum says when she got to number 3 she felt she was getting better. A bit unfortunate as I was number 1.

Another word of wisdom from my dm was that as a parent you will always be wrong at some point in the eyes of your lo's.

My dd's are loved and I try to do my best - that's all you can do isn't it?

Twiglett · 04/07/2006 14:46

no my children love me and I love them

hunkermunker · 04/07/2006 14:48

I think about what I'm doing, but I don't worry much.

The DSs are loved, happy, well-fed and secure. People often tell me how nice they are.

That'll do me.

sibdoms · 04/07/2006 20:36

I worry incessantly.It's really tedious and I'm sure not good for dds.

Kaz33 · 04/07/2006 20:40

I do think about what i do - but tend to pat myself on the pat when i get it right (boys had courgette and brocolli for dinner tonight - two green vegetables in one meal - whay to go mum) not beat myself up when i get it wrong (yesterday sausages and chips - bad convenience food).

Kaz33 · 04/07/2006 20:40

on the back even !

albosmum · 04/07/2006 20:40

like others i constantly think i am crap - i spend my whole time trying to be better and always compare myself with others who seem to handle the whole motherhood thing better. Because of this self doubt and loathing i spend alot of time feeling miserable which i KNOW is not good for the kids

FairyMum · 04/07/2006 20:42

I don't worry because my children are clearly so happy and we have a happy family-life. I am sure I will worry once they reach their teens. In fact I am dreading it.

surroundedbyboys · 04/07/2006 20:48

i'm with the worrying and over analysing camp. constantly. always bloody assessing the possible psychological impact of my actions on my kids. know its bad for me and them and if i could have one wish in the world it would be to be more relaxed and just enjoy parenting more.

Roshni · 04/07/2006 20:56

Like surrounded, I worry about the psychological and emotional impact of my parenting, but usually when faced with a decision. I think worrying is part of the process. I discuss my worries with DH, we come to a decision. If in action, it feels like the right decision, I don't worry about it any more and enjoy being with DS. But if it feels wrong, I keep worreting at it until I've got it right.

LadyTophamHatt · 04/07/2006 20:59

I moan about them too much, I shout too much and in all honesty I could probably give them all a bit more attention than I do but all of them are happy, confident, funny, bright and well mannered (when not at home!!).

I'm doing something right....

Original poster

mykidsmum · 04/07/2006 21:04

I think your post sums up most of us LTH!

OP posts:

neasels · 05/07/2006 17:23

I also over analyse which is really stupid as I know I am a great mum, just maybe a little to over protective - see has to be critcism there doesn't there, which was just your point!
I agree, it has got easier with number 2 here although she is only 10 weeks, but it has made me more relaxed and realised you can only do what you can do, as long as they are loved, cared for and kept safe, don't you think?

saadia · 05/07/2006 17:44

I do worry. Ds1 (4) is shy and not always friendly to new people. Ds2 (2) just point blank turns his face away when certain people try to talk to him. They both cling to me if faced with a large group of people eg at friends'/relatives' houses.

As babies as well they cried and cried a lot in social situations, much more so than any other babies I had seen. So I concluded that it must have been because of something I had done.

saadia · 05/07/2006 17:45

I also now realise that ds1's feeding problems were handled wrongly by me as I stressed and forced him to eat, whereas now with ds2 he is offered meals and if he refuses I don't push it.

trinityrhino · 05/07/2006 17:48

Always, always, always

lunarx · 05/07/2006 18:10

somedays i do. especially if i've been extra irritable or short with ds (who's 2) or if he's watched a bit more TV than usual or if i haven't read more than once to him.... although lately the stress i deal with internally about successfully helping him thru the tantruming years can get to be a bit much and i dont even think about potty training much! (another stressor for me!!)

Roshni · 06/07/2006 20:21

We all know it does no good to stress and worry, but the fact that we are doing it shows that we care about our kids.

Snafu · 06/07/2006 20:31

Yes, I constantly worry about mine, and also constantly judge other people's.

The worst of all possible worlds

Piffle · 06/07/2006 20:32

ditto snafu
snap!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beatie · 06/07/2006 21:11

I don't doubt my parenting skills but I do seek confirmation that I'm doing the right thing.

I need partners in smugness

Flip

1 2