Stopping the threat/ punishment cycle...

[MerryMarigold]

I am sick, sick, sick of it.

It feels like the kids will only co-operate when I threaten something (you will be sitting on the stairs, you will have no computer, I will take that toy away, the computer will go off, you will have to get out of the bath). OR I am constantly dishing out these punishments. Ds2 (5 tomorrow) spat water over dd (his twin sister) on the way to school today (took swig from bottle and spat it). I was so it's no computer for a week.

I just feel like: when they will they learn? Do they want a punishment? They are not after attention, I don't think as they get a lot of attention (perhaps it is never enough). I am a SAHM.

I think I've heard of punishment free parenting and I wonder how it works...I can't even begin to imagine how it works (eg. how would you have dealt with the situation above?). I am sick and tired of threats and punishments being the only way to make them co-operate. It makes for such a negative atmosphere.

Twins will be 5 tomorrow and ds1 is 7 nearly 8.

PS. I do all the explaining why explaining as well (mostly) eg. we will be late, you need to get your shoes on, if you throw a toy at someone it is very painful, if you fight over the computer it will break - but that doesn't seem to work either.

I'm not sure if it is possible but I'm trying to find a new approach too. I'm half way through http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B008JHXOOK/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_d__o01_details_o01__i00 this book which is written by a child psychologist and based on as much evidence as there is out there. It does make a lot of sense and I'm giving it a go.

Good luck to us both!

Sorry can't seem to link from my phone but its called peaceful parent happier kids by Laura markham.

Laura markham has a website too - ahaparenting.
Have you read 'how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk?'. Unconditional Parenting is another but quite radical, might be too big a step.
We don't punish or tell off here, and I try not to threaten. Generally the calmer and more peaceful I am, the more co-operative they are (aged 5 and 2). I also try not to talk too much and if something isn't working I stop doing it. When I lapse and start punishing things quickly get worse.

OK, thank you! I have read some of how to talk, but it was a while ago and I never finished it. Need to pick it up again, I think.