Bribing children to do things

[hunkermunker]

When do they "get" this?

What if they don't?

DS1 was two in April and has no concept of being bribed to do something.

I'm kind of uneasy with bribery to get him to do things I want him to do though.

Franny, weren't you reading a book about this?

WWW, glad to hear it's not just DS1 who only hears the reward Although he doesn't like ice cream (he's sounding more and more peculiar, isn't he - I think he's missed out on an essential kid genes somewhere ).

FoM, I think that's it - we're manufacturing a reward to get them to do something we want done that they really couldn't give two hoots about. But then we're doing it so that they grow into responsible adults - aren't we?

I had a go at dh earlier because I could hear dd screaming in the other room and he was trying to get her dressed. My view was it's bloody hot, we're not going anywhere, why SHOULD she get dressed if she doesn't want to, it's not a battle worth having. His view (naive imo) was that she can't battle about basic stuff. She's TWO FFS I felt like shouting, but I just said it instead. There is no incentive she'd have responded to, she doesn't CARE about being dressed! Don't blame her, the world's so simple for them at 2 isn't it?

I only ever use bribery to get ds into buggy or car seat if he is being a loon. Will brandish a fig roll around the place, usually works without need for further explanation, lol.

WWW, in this weather, if I'm not going out, I don't get dressed, let alone making DS1 get dressed

Well exactement everyone re getting dressed!

I do random nice things that aren't for any particular reason - DS1 suddenly finds that he has a Noddy magazine, for instance (I only buy them when I think the free gift is any good - and now I'm ROFLing because I typed free git).

Yes, realised you meant a different thing, just didn't mention that I realised it (was too busy laughing at free git, I think )

Hunker

You big smug boaster

I don't really get too stuck on philosophies as I have found that all 3 of my children are so different, respond to different things and that changes as they grow older. When ds1 was 14 months I couldn't understand why people had problems with their kids with food, a month later we entered 6 years of major food problems with him.

I have found that a reward is better than getting physical. So if ds1 is going through a refusing to put his uniform on and I know the school bus is going to be here in 5 minutes then a quick "dressed first then biscuit" with a biscuit waved under his nose and removed until he dresses is better than chasing him up 3 flights of stairs and trying to wrestle a large 7 year old into clothes. Thinking about it I mainy use rewards where the alternative is to be physical, and where something else isn't going to work. IN the case of ds3 for example I find that distraction works better than rewards, that may change as he gets older. Until a few months ago ds2 was very ameniable and would just do anything asked. Now he won't, in fact he will go out of his way not to do stuff that's asked of him, I have a pretty good idea why that is (apart from age which is an element of it- ds2 has a tricky life atm anyway), and thinking about it for him really I think I should use more rewards than I do (I've been tending to use time out but thinking of the reasons why he is behavig the way he is rewards would probably work better, he used to need time out once every 6 months now its all the time which is not good).

Different children respond to different methods as do different ages. I personally think its important to remain flexible, and try different techniques when some stop working or you have to overuse them. Before using rewards with ds1 we used a very simplified version of time out (outsidfe the room/door shut for 10 seconds)- intially it worked really well, but eventually the predictability of the response became a reward. Now I very rarely use that, and instead stick to rewards and countdowns.

That's v interesting re lower quality work production for bribes.

Can't wait to read the book!